By Linda and Charlie Bloom, authors of Happily Ever After…and 39 Other Myths about Love

When did the honeymoon end in your relationship? Was it the first time you realized that your mate wasn’t all you had hoped for? Or maybe it was when you discovered that sometimes their cheerful optimism could turn to resentment or depression for no apparent reason. Do you remember your first fight? How about the first time that you wondered whether you had made a mistake in your selection of a partner?

Many of us have had the experience of anger, frustration, hostility, or resentment more times than we care to admit. If you’re like a lot of people, you may have taken these feelings as an indication that something is seriously out of line in your relationship, so much so, perhaps that you may even be considering calling it quits. And if you’re human, you’ve probably attempted to influence your partner’s feelings, attitudes, or behaviors, only to discover that you’d now created a new problem.

Most of us spend between twelve and twenty years of our lives in school yet nowhere are we really taught the specific requirements of sustaining and enhancing the quality of our relationships. We hope and pray that despite our ignorance, we can make it work anyway. And when the inevitable conflicts arrive, we may find ourselves entrenched or embattled with each other.

Though conflict may not be avoidable in marriage, it is not necessarily a foreshadowing of doom. Differences in opinions, feelings, temperaments, and even values, are an inherent aspect of relationships. In fact, we generally select partners who will help us to expand our inner and outer lives by offering a broader range of perspectives to our own. Opening up to these opportunities for growth, however can be excruciatingly uncomfortable. Often it is easier to tell ourselves that “it’s just not meant to be.” And yet how many of us are acquainted with couples who called it quits in frustration, only to turn around and play out the same pattern with another person?

What if one of the objects of relationships is not to eliminate conflict, but to work with it in an effective, responsible and conscious way? What if each breakdown that occurred between you and your partner contained the seeds of the possibility of becoming a more loving and wise person? What if your experience of your relationship had more to do with you than it did with your partner? What if there were no mistakes or wrong choices in the selection of a mate, and you really do have the perfect partner for the lessons that you’re in this relationship to learn?

The purpose of these questions is to generate an inquiry and to begin the process of going beyond the models, expectations, and beliefs we each have about relationships in order to discover and create new possibilities. One of the biggest barriers in the development of a great partnership is our own set of preconceived beliefs about conflict and anger.

Observing the suffering of other couples who are struggling in their relationships, it’s easy to presume that things inevitably break down sooner or later and that for many of them, the breakdown is permanent. It’s easy to wonder, “Who’s next? Is it us?” The tendency to feel resignation and hopelessness in the face of fear is a choice, often made out of a desire to avoid looking more directly at some of the more difficult questions, such as:

• How might I have contributed to the current situation?
• What beliefs about myself or others might I be validating by holding on to my position?
• What is it that I’m so attached to being right about and why?
• What, if anything, might I have done that I need to reveal to my partner?
• What fears are underlying my fear of losing (or staying in) this relationship?
• What unfulfilled needs or desires have I failed to disclose to my partner, and why?
• What forms of manipulation have I used to try to coerce my partner into accommodating my desires?
• Am I making my partner responsible for fulfilling needs within myself that are my responsibility, and not theirs?

The common thread that runs through all of these questions is that they are all self-referential. They require us to redirect the focus of our attention away from our partner and look instead at ourselves, to look at our part in the chain of events that has led us to the point where we currently stand. Doing so does not absolve them of their responsibility in the breakdown, but it empowers us to focus our energies on the only person that we have the power to control in this scenario, and that is ourselves.

Taking our attention off of our partner will enable us to embody a higher level of vulnerability and encourage him or her to feel less defensive and consequently, more inclined to listen to our concerns and needs with a more conciliatory attitude. Such openness will promote a greater likelihood that our partner will reciprocate by responding more cooperative themselves, thus interrupting the cycle of defensiveness that turns ordinary differences into destructive conflict.

There is no guarantee that their response will be reciprocal. Our vulnerability is merely an invitation to them to respond with vulnerability. It is not assurance that such a response will be forthcoming, but it does increase the likelihood of them doing so. There is no better way to find out how willing your partner is to disarm himself than by modeling what this can look like by disarming yourself of your own defenses.

When we can interrupt these patterns, we can move beyond the concerns of day-to-day survival, and raise new questions having to do with greater possibilities such as “How great could our relationship really be?” Once we understand that there is so much more that is possible than we previously realized, old dreams are reawakened and new ones come into being along with a newfound confidence in our ability to implement them.

Paradoxically, it is only when we accept that there is no magic involved in the process of relationship-building, and no perfect person with whom we can effortlessly co-create the partnership of our dreams that we begin to experience the degree of ease and joy for which we may have previously hoped.

But first we need to free ourselves of our limiting beliefs and expectations. To find the partner of your dreams you first become the partner of your dreams. In so doing you will become more irresistible to that person that you have been waiting for, whether you haven’t met the person yet, or you’ve been married to them for thirty years!

Based on the book Happily Ever After…and 39 Other Myths about Love. Copyright © by Linda and Charlie Bloom. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.NewWorldLibrary.com

Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, regularly teach at Esalen Institute and the Kripalu Center and have served as adjunct faculty at institutes of higher learning including UC Berkeley Extension, and California Institute for Integral Studies. They live in Santa Cruz, CA. Their website is www.Bloomwork.com.

Did you know that today is “Australia Day?”  I have probably seen this printed in my Filofax many times, but now that I am married to an Australian I have reason to sit up and take notice!  So, how shall we celebrate the land “Down Under” today?  We could go to the zoo and visit the kangaroos and koalas.  We could rent a movie starring Nicole Kidman or Hugh Jackman.  We could make Sticky Toffee Pudding Cake or other Australian delicacies.  Or we could do what the Australians do, and simply take a day off!  More info:  https://www.australiaday.gov.au/

Have you been to Australia?  I love it there!  What country would you like to visit on a dream holiday?  Let’s talk about it on the discussion board!

Lissa Coffey’s online newsletters and article content may be reprinted provided the following credit line is included:

Lissa Coffey is an author, media personality, and the founder of CoffeyTalk.com (Reprinted with permission Copyright © Bamboo Entertainment, Inc.)

Fitness instructors have shared with me that many of their clients are reluctant to commit to a fitness routine.  Underlying their resistance is often fear – who will they be if they lose weight or feel healthier and stronger.  There are so many objections that come up and two of the most common are I am too busy and there is not enough time in the day, So today we are going to bust those fears and empower you to get moving and losing – fear, weight, doubt, old stories and fully express your new found strength.  Whatever change you are wanting to incorporate into your life, this tapping sequence will help you say, "yes" and mean it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTsc7kLEGp8

One of the most difficult things to do I have discovered is to love and accept ourselves.  I had no idea that was at the root cause of so many of my challenges throughout my life.  I learned to act confidently, but deep down I was filled with loathing, self-judgment, and never feeling like I was enough.

Why am I telling you this?  Because I have a feeling there is a part of you that feels this way too, and I know that you are amazing just like I am.

You see, once you really accept that part of yourself, your lives opens up to love, joy, happiness, health and abundance.  I know because as I began to heal my inner pain, my life opened up in ways I could never have dreamed.  I stopped letting pain and illness be my story.  I no longer allowed people to treat me disrespectfully.  I learned to set boundaries and to honor them, so that others would, too.  I stopped repeating family history when it came to lack of financial success.

Relationships that were important to me began to flourish with my attention and love.  I began to release the need to be in relationships that were not healthy. I learned how to forgive, others, and eventually myself.  I stopped giving my power away to everyone else, and begin to embrace my inner rebel instead of hating her.  I created a business that is rewarding on so many levels.  I raised the level on my happiness, love, success, and prosperity ceilings.

I have been willing to do the deep inner work that is necessary to change my life, and the rewards have been bountiful!

Everything starts from within.

So if inside you are not loving, truly loving who you are, your experiences, your pain, your joy – then the outside results will match up to that.  You are amazing and deserve so much more!  I have helped hundreds of women access their inner wisdom where the keys to their freedom lie, and I would like to help you.  You have to believe that you are worth it; you have to believe that you are important enough to receive support, just like I did and continue to do, to reach your highest potential.

For the longest time, I insisted on doing it myself.  I thought there was something wrong with me if I needed help.  Then I realized that we are not meant to struggle.  We are not meant to be isolated.  It is not weak to ask for help.  It is powerful to be collaborative and work together on common visions.  I am so grateful to my mentors, coaches, teachers, healers, friends, and family who saw my potential, held that space for me and helped me become a better version of myself.  I am blessed to continue to have this support.

Do you have that kind of support in your life?  If not, please know there are many ways to receive this support.  If you have a vision of greatness for yourself, then I am here to guide, love, and support you.

If you are wondering if we are a good fit, please watch this video.  Ed Doris, owner of Good Karma Café and the host of “You Are Amazing” which broadcasts on public television in Exeter, NH, interviewed me this week.  He is passionate about making a difference in people’s live and giving back to the world in gratitude for all the love, support, and kindness that has come his way.

He brought tears to my eyes when he introduced me.  He completely caught me off guard when he made a most generous offer to the audience.  You have to watch the video to find out what that it is.  Will you be one of the five who receives his generosity?  If you are seriously wanting to up-level your life and your business, move beyond challenges and blocks, and would love support and guidance, then please take advantage of Ed’s generous offer to cover the cost of a consultation with me.  I hope to speak with you soon!

With love,

Cheri

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dav551fcSjQ

It is not always easy to take the high road when someone hurts or upsets you.  A natural reaction is to lash back.  My choice is to come from a loving space, but often I find I need to allow myself to feel what I am really feeling – hurt, upset, disappointed, angry, resentful – and then I can feel more peaceful. However, just venting alone does not always do the trick.  It’s a temporary fix.  Watch this video, and tap with Amy and Cheri to vent your frustrations and release tensions and negative emotions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh2sGbvBp64

Life moves fast. Even when this pace is exciting, it can be stressful and overwhelming. In the following video, Cheri helps to remind us how to take a step back, ground ourselves and refocus our energies in a productive manner.

cherivalentine.com/develop-a-practice-for-ease-and-flow-in-life-and-work/

We have all experienced the jealous loved one before. Maybe you are even the jealous individual. The topic comes up frequently on relationship advice message boards. “My friend is getting married. I’m jealous of their happiness. What do I do?” It is not uncommon for single individuals to feel jealous when a friend or loved one is getting married. Often someone may feel a juxtaposition of happiness for their friend and worry about their own future when it comes to love. What do you do if you experience jealousy? How do you handle it through Yoga wisdom?

First we must discuss the reason that may cause jealousy. One reason is you may believe love is a random thing, a random experience that happens out of the blue to only people who are very pretty, very successful, or just plain lucky. And if it doesn’t happen to you think you are not pretty, you’re not successful, or you’re just not lucky, that belief leads to you not feeling good and you take that negative energy and it becomes jealousy.

The yoga approach to love is consciously creating love with intention. For example, if you want to get a better body you follow a certain set of processes and over a course of months you’re going to have the change in body and if you do everything right you become stronger and fitter. You have the same opportunities to get into shape and be physically fit as anyone else. The playing field is even for everyone. The same can be applied to love. If you practice yoga techniques to find love you will find love as well.

There is one very important thing to keep in mind that is often overlooked. You should always bless a happy married couple. Always send them healing and peace. Be genuinely happy for them because you are anticipating your moment, and it’s like a rehearsal for your experience. You can say “Oh wow this is how it’s going to be for me. Awesome.” Know also that from a karma perspective every time you are jealous it’s going to lessen your chances for finding love. So it is for your own good that you don’t indulge in jealousy. There are techniques in the Yoga & Love book that teach you how you can consciously create that love experience. Love is a consequence of your own thoughts and feelings. What you feel inside is what you will attract.

Yoga Wisdom:

• Understand the real reasons behind your jealousy.
• Know that love is not a random event for people you may view as more worthy.
• Just like everyone has the same opportunities to get into physical shape, you have the same opportunities to find love.
• Instead of feeling jealous, bless a married couple. Be genuinely happy for them because you are anticipating your moment when you find love.
• From a karma perspective, every time you are jealous it decreases your chances of finding true love.
• What you feel inside is what you will attract.

Here in America we are told to do many things to attract
true love. “Get a good job.” “Buy a fancy car.” Or “Lose some weight and get a
makeover.” But very few people, if any, in the western world will suggest
fasting to attract love. When we think of fasting it might conjure images of
monks cloistered away in monasteries, fasting for weeks on end in the hopes it
brings a vision from God. In the western world we live under this assumption
that fasting is only for very religious and holy people, not the average person
walking on the street. The truth is, fasting is an incredibly powerful
scientific tool that can help you attract the love of your dreams.

First of all, we need to understand what fasting is. On a
daily basis we eat three meals a day with snacks in between. The stomach is
working 24/7 and gets no rest. It takes a lot of energy to make energy. The Yoga
masters tell us that instead of using up all the energy for digestion, through
fasting that energy can go towards healing. Fasting is also a tune up for the
stomach because all the excess prana goes into healing instead of digestion.
Then when you set an intention the mind makes it so because we are so powerful.
When I was younger I set my intention to one day work in America, and now I do.
Every thought has power, and has the power to become reality. Because 24/7
digestion can lower the levels of prana we don’t have enough prana to
materialize our dreams.

Fasting is known as one of the most powerful ways to change
your karma. Through fasting you can have healing, better digestion, and get rid
of toxins that have lived in your body for years. Fasting purifies the blood.
After fasting the blood has more oxygen so you don’t feel so drowsy and blood
pressure comes back to normal. From a psychological perspective you start
feeling good. From a spiritual perspective it changes your karma. Once you
start feeling happy, it changes your karma, you start feeling more in control.
Your deepest karma has the ability to be positively changed through fasting.
After fasting your outlook towards the world changes. I have personally been
fasting for years and have coached many people on fasting, and they end up finding
love because fasting is one of the most powerful ways to increase magnetisim.

Now that we have discussed the benefits of fasting, what are
the steps a person takes to fast properly? Start with one day a week and one
night. Just fast on fresh juice from fruit. And slowly build it up to two days.
Over a period of six months you will get rid most toxins from your body. It
really helps you make clear decisions, especially regarding love. From a yoga
perspective you can build up so much magnetism, you can attract your soul mate,
your spirit follows you, whatever intention you set it will be so.

Why would someone want to fast to increase their magnetism
and attract true love? In Indian Yoga culture it is a very normal and accepted
technique to fast for love. Fasting is a very powerful tool and has been used
in yoga culture for thousands of years. You can fast for many reasons, to get a
good job or purely for health reasons.

Yoga Wisdom:

·      
Fasting is an extremely powerful tool to help
you attract love.

·      
Our body uses up a lot of prana and energy
during digestion.

·      
When we fast the energy we use for digestion
instead goes to healing and manifesting our intentions.

·      
Fasting is one of the most powerful ways to
change your karma.

·      
Fasting has several physiological benefits as
well as psychological ones.

·      
Start fasting one day and night a week on juice
from fruits and slowly build up to more days over time.

·      
After a period of 6 months your body will be
cleaned of toxins.

·      
Fasting has been used for thousands of years.

We all
appreciate social media for giving us the ability to connect with friends and
family. However there is a dark side to sites like Facebook when it comes to
personal relationships.

You have
probably looked up an ex- boyfriend or girlfriend online- everyone does it at
one time or another. It’s natural to be curious about how life turned out for
someone you once loved. It only becomes a problem when you feel the need to
obsessively check up on an ex because of unresolved issues from the
relationship. If you didn’t get the closure needed to close the chapter and
move on, you may find yourself checking their status updates daily and combing
through their posted photos for signs that you still matter.

It’s
important to get to the point where you realize you still matter regardless of
what choices your former partner makes. Often people have trouble healing from
break-ups because their lover met a need for so long and it is now not being
met. Ironically, the need usually has nothing to do with the person you were
involved with.

Right
now you may be saying,

“But we were so perfect together! I am sad because I
miss him!”

Think about it for a second. Do you miss HIM or do you miss the way
you felt when you were with him? Chances are what you really miss are the
feelings associated with the relationship. Perhaps you felt safe and secure
with your ex.  You may have felt
beautiful when around him or appreciated when around her. Those are addictive
feelings. Who doesn’t want to feel special?

However,
you need to figure out that you can feel all of those amazing feelings again-
even without that specific person. Other people don’t control your feelings.
They are in your own control, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.  You will move into other relationships that
allow you to re-discover those feelings. But wouldn’t it be even better to find
a way to create those feelings without having to depend on another person?

Consider
what it is you felt when you were in the relationship that is now missing?

• Did you
  miss feeling needed by another person? Many times people are attracted to
  partners who allow them to feel important. You may be a fixer- someone who
  likes solving other people’s problems. Try to find a way to fulfill that need
  in another way, like by volunteering.

• Did the
  other person help you feel financially secure? Then now is the time to figure
  out how to achieve security on your own. You may decide to go back to school or
  go into another field.

• Did you
  feel confident about your appearance because you knew someone else found you
  attractive? Then it’s time to fall in love with YOU! Start by appreciating all
  that makes you beautiful. Begin incorporating affirmations into your day.

The next
time you feel the desire to look up an ex on Facebook, stop for a minute. What
matters more- what that person is doing or what you are doing to create the
life you want right now?

Our bodies communicate with us daily.  The challenge is learning to
listen.  Aches and pains are
actually alerting us to something.
Often it can be an unexpressed emotion, or something feeling or memory
is being triggered by a current situation.  I have been exploring the abundance of information we can
gleam from our chakras, in this series – centers that filter your energy and
hold meaning for your life issues.

What is so amazing is that can you learn where you may have
blocked energy that is keeping you stuck in unhealthy relationships,
unsatisfying jobs, limiting money issues, unsatisfactory health, or simply
being unhappy.

So far, we’ve looked at your root chakra – center for survival,
instinct, safety and foundation.   We also explored the emotional, creative, and
pleasure that is hidden in our sacral chakra.  Your solar
chakra signifies how we stand in our personal power – your inner strength
and resolve. The fourth chakra
that we reviewed was your heart chakra – where you integrate the security,
emotions and power from your lower chakras to open to giving and receiving love
in relationship with others and also to your spiritual side.

The fifth chakra is associated with sound, creative
self-expression, speech and communication, will and timing. The ability to
speak honestly, to receive, process and assimilate information, and to connect
and speak to your inner truth are all related to the throat chakra.  This is your center of transformation
and change, where you harness your energy to express yourself, from your
spirit, heart and mind. When you are able to express yourself from your
personal truths, you are able to fully develop into whole and balanced
individuals who are capable of sustaining deep and intimate relationships.

Your seven energy centers (chakras) are:

Root Chakra
– Instinctual Need for Survival

Sacral
Chakra – Pleasure Seeker

Solar
Chakra – Power Driver

Heart
Chakra – Searching for Love

Throat Chakra – Expressing Your Truth

Brow Chakra – Transcending Beyond Ego

Crown Chakra – Spiritual Awakening

The physical location of your throat chakra is in the throat
and neck and its associated body parts are throat, neck, ears, jaw, mouth,
teeth, gums, tongue, and thyroid gland. The basic issues of your throat chakra
are voice, communication, clairaudience, listening, creativity,
self-expression, image of self, humility, manifesting ideas, vibration,
telepathy, and channeling,

If you have experienced sore throats, strep throats and
tonsillitis, it is likely that you have been holding back on expressing your feelings,
especially anger.  It could old
emotions from childhood that were never acknowledged.  It is important to acknowledge and release old stuck
emotions so that you can express yourself authentically, clearly and
creatively.

Ask yourself these questions to see if you have any stuck
energy in your throat chakra.

1.            Are
you able to express your ideas or thoughts easily?

2.            Are
you open to listening and comprehending other points of view?

3.            In
what areas and with whom are you more comfortable expressing your ideas,
feelings, truths?

4.            Are
you always feeling rushed and like there is never enough time?

5.            Do
you have difficulty speaking up for yourself or holding your own point of view?

6.            Do
you tend to ignore the messages that your body is sending to you?

7.            Do
you worry about what people will think if you speak up?

8.            Where
has your anger been unexpressed or repressed?

9.            Did
you have to listen as a child but not allowed to speak?

10.       Were you allowed to be
creative as a child?

11.            How
would you like to express your creativity – art, writing, song, music, dance,
poetry, speaking, etc.?  Are you?

800×600

I’ve created a free meditation to clear, balance, and heal
your chakras, so please accept my free gift to you – a free meditation – A Chakra
Clearing, Balancing and Healing Meditation.