Guest Bloggers, Author at Coffey Talk

09 Aug

How to Be You

9780143110125 Excerpted from HOW TO BE YOU: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your Life by Jeffrey Marsh, available August 2, 2016. Printed with the permission of TarcherPerigee/Penguin, a division of Penguin Random House. Copyright Jeffrey Marsh. ©2016.

#DearJeffrey
How are you so confident in life?
How can I be confident?

The confidence question is the most common one I get across all
social media, and it’s confession time: I’m not confident. At least, I
don’t always feel confident. But I suspect that when people ask me
about being confident they are really asking me about trusting
myself. “How can I be confident?” is another way of saying, “How
can I trust myself?” If you learn to trust yourself completely, deep
down, confidence isn’t an issue anymore. Confidence comes naturally
if trust is present.

Let me back up a second. The first step to developing a strong
sense of trust in yourself is understanding that other people’s opinions
of you are almost always bunk—they are based on next to nothing.
Most opinions are based on next to nothing! I don’t ever feel sure
about anything, and I bet you feel the same way sometimes. Once you
get past the initial shock and fear of realizing that few of us know even
fewer things, it is amazing. It is freeing. It is fun. Feeling sure about
knowing something and learning to trust yourself are two different
things. So do I trust myself more than I trust other people’s opinions
of me? I do now. And that, to me, is what is meant by confidence,
trusting yourself. I couldn’t have any confidence without trusting my
own perspective on the world, instead of someone else’s.

Choose one thing you think you’d like to be more confident
about and take the time to look within yourself. If you want to feel
more confident about reading things aloud at school or at work,
say, you’d need to examine what you’ve already been taught about
reading aloud, and decide what you believe about it. Does the ability
or inability to read aloud mean something about you? Is it something
that everyone should do really well? I’m not saying that uncovering
and trusting what seems true for you automatically makes you
confident, or that, in our example, it makes you excellent at reading
aloud. To me, confidence is not attached to the outcome (whether
you read well or not), it’s attached to the process: How do you treat
yourself while you’re reading aloud? Can you trust your adequacy no
matter what happens? If you know what’s most important to you, it
doesn’t matter whether the reading goes well. This is hard to talk
about because you were probably programmed to focus on how you
perform in that situation. I’m asking you to focus on how you do
what you do. That’s trust. Take a big step back. See a bigger picture.
Trusting yourself in every situation takes time and practice, and it
takes focus. It’s not about reading well, it’s about staying in that
trusting place with yourself while you read. That is the path of a
superhero.

We tend to think of superheroines as the other people, these separate
and superior superhumans who possess extraspecial skills and
thoughts. That isn’t true. They are just people who trust in themselves.
Heroines are just like you. Heroes doubt themselves at first,
just like you, but they go ahead anyway. Maybe what makes people
seem confident is their ability to move forward even as they are
building faith in themselves. They know they might make fools of
themselves; they know they might fall flat on their faces. But they go
ahead anyway, building trust along the way.

I see everyone as a hero. Life can be so tough sometimes. Other
people’s opinions can wear on you. Other people’s hatred can make
life feel very difficult for some of us. Anyone who can go through the
challenges of dealing with others’ negative opinions, of having their
dreams mocked, or their feelings ridiculed, and still get out of bed,
willing to do it again the next day . . . Whew! That person is a hero.
You are a hero.

You need to trust yourself, and your own story. You need to add
yourself to the list of heroic do-gooders because you have something
to contribute. Maybe you don’t wear a cape. (But, of course you
could!) In your own way, though, you are brave. You have the ability
to go ahead and do things you aren’t sure about. You have the ability
to go ahead and try things that other people think are stupid and
wrong, but that you, in your heart, trust is right.

And aren’t you lucky that you have the chance to do that? Aren’t
you lucky that you get this life, this chance, to learn to set aside the
yuck and muck of other people’s sometimes nasty words and do your
best to live your life as fully as you know how? You don’t need to be
confident to do that. You just need to be a dreamer and a questioner,
and have the willingness to trust that your experience—your way of
seeing things—is valid. You need to practice trusting that you are
worthy.

30 Jul

Homeward Bound

By Taj Rowland

The poet Maya Angelou once keenly observed, “The ache for home lives in all of us.”

For me, it was an ache that started early, at the young age of seven, when I was kidnapped from the street near my home in southern India, driven hours away, and sold to a Christian orphanage. Despite my insistence to the orphanage owner that I already had a home and family, he wouldn’t listen (or didn’t care). I was adopted by a family in the United States and by the time I’d learned enough English to tell my new and unsuspecting parents the truth, it was too late. When all their attempts to find my Indian family failed, America became my new home.

It was a strange country and the transition was difficult. Their customs, housing, food and language were all peculiar. It didn’t take long to realize that in order to survive, I had to forget my past and focus on my future. And so, I turned my back on India, my family, my memories—my home.

I adapted to my new country, did my best to fit in, and as time passed, I grew accustomed. I excelled in sports, school, and scouting, and was even elected student body president of my high school. In fact, I almost convinced myself that my home in India no longer mattered, that I didn’t need to look back. There was just one problem: deep inside my head and heart was a voice that whispered otherwise. Despite my best efforts to forget India, I learned that India wasn’t about to forget me.

As a youth I went to England and there interacted for the first time with large groups of Indians, people who looked just like me. As first I was terrified, but as I ate their curry, and listened to their music, and observed their colorful dress, long suppressed memories began jumping up and down in my head waving their excited arms. In England, I even drew a map of the village where I’d remembered living as a child, and I secretly vowed that one day I would return.

That day came just a handful of years later. When in college, I met (through astonishing circumstances), a girl from southern India named Priya. She was such a change from the blond, Caucasian girls I’d been dating, that when I brought her home to meet my parents, my excited mother pulled out her scrapbook full of articles, letters and photos, many related to India.

Years earlier, when looking for my family in India, my mother had written to anyone in the faraway country who would listen. Now, as Priya studied one of the replies, she commented that the handwriting looked familiar. When she turned the letter over, she gasped. It was written by her father, a man who’d actually been friends with the orphanage owner in India years earlier. What were the chances?

Priya and I married and a year later, headed to India to attend her brother’s wedding. It was my first time back since coming over as a child and I intended to make use of the trip. I had the address of the orphanage from my mother’s letters, but when I arrived, I found it was closed down. Worse, the orphanage owner had passed away. I was devastated. It was my only clue.

Let me pause here to say that most of us spend our lives searching for home. You don’t have to have been kidnapped as a child to feel the need to belong, to want to believe that your life matters, to hope that one day you’ll grasp your place in the world. It’s a yearning we all inherently share.

For me, the search was reduced to riding around in a hot and muggy rickshaw, in city after city, looking for familiar landmarks. In a country of a billion people, the odds were overwhelming.

After a multitude of setbacks and successes, on the last day I had to spend in India, I found myself on the outskirts of a city called Erode, standing in front of a hut that I believed belonged to my older brother. They’d sent for his mother—perhaps also my mother—who was down bathing in the river. As I waited, I remember seeing an old woman racing up the hill weeping profusely, begging that we tell her everything we knew about the boy who’d disappeared as a child, the son she’d never forgotten.

As we all try to find some semblance of belonging and connection in our lives, our search is seldom easy—yet we carry on. Why? I’ve learned that if we’re both patient and persistent, if we never give up, we’ll occasionally glimpse miracles.

We are all homeward bound. Good luck in your journey.

—

To learn more about Taj and his astounding journey, pick up a copy of The Orphan Keeper, available at bookstores everywhere or visit TheOrphanKeeper.com.

25 Jul

Thanks to MS I leave a Legacy Behind for my Little Ones

parenting By Oyuki Aguilar.

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis on July 22, 2008.

You can forget many things in life, but not when you find out you have an incurable disease. It was in a white office, I remember it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach, and then immediately the urge to defend myself. I began hitting back with questions. “How do I fight this? Can it be controlled? What can I do to get better?” I did not have tears running down my cheeks, I remember only a bit of anger running through me. My doctor was surprised, apparently not many people react like that right away. Truth be told, I surprised myself too. I found out that day I was stronger than I thought.

I began to follow my neurologist’s instructions and took better care of my health. I told myself I was going to give this condition the battle of a lifetime by eating healthy and nurturing my body. No more canned food or processed meats, no more saturated fats, preservatives and chemicals. I slept better, I exercised and it worked, I felt much better. Two months later I received the news that I was pregnant with my first child. I finally felt afraid for the first time; I discovered quickly that my children were always going to be my weakness. I had no idea how my disease was going to play a part in my pregnancy however I was determined to fight even harder. The next year I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl and one year later I also gave birth to my handsome son. I was so busy with a toddler and a baby that I hardly had time to worry. But as children grow and become more independent, I began to have time to pick up where I left behind and being the human that I am, sometimes I would feel uncertain or depressed.

I know our lives have no warranties, I know we cannot control the future or other people’s but a part of me was seeking reassurance.

How could my essence live on for my children if…

On January 2015, as a new years resolution, I decided to write letters to my little ones in case I would leave this earth for any reason; I wasn’t ready to go and have my voice vanish forever. I realized it was very important for me to let my kids know how magical they made my life in the most ordinary of circumstances, so I began this project of writing to them and the world around me was enhanced, I saw rich colors and beauty all around me and my words would not just flow, they would gush out of my pencils and pens to create the most lovely verses.

I found delight in carpool, bathing my children, dinner… I observed simple family moments and they were all filled with wisdom and very important teachings to capture.

I thought of leaving behind a sort of manual for a good and honorable life. A document for my son and daughter to turn to for comfort and guidance.

I wrote to them about cultivating the qualities of humility and kindness, wisdom and courage; all the ingredients for a successful and happy life.

I compiled the letters and added my own artwork: fresh and colorful paintings. My sister Jadyn is a graphic designer and she put it all together in a stylish petit book to lure them to read (and not be scared or bored.)

I liked the results so much, I decided to share them with others in the hope they would appreciate these everyday adventures and maybe think about writing letters to their loved ones as well. We are not eternal, but our sentiments can live and inspire on through paper and hard drives.

My MS is under control now but still, it is a very unpredictable autoimmune disease and you never know how it’s going to creep up on you, so I stay vigilant and grounded to the present. I stay mesmerized by wonderful people and my amazing surroundings.

I thank my MS everyday for giving me the generous gift of awareness and the power of voice, so that I can leave my essence to my family, friends and generations to come.

21 Jul

DIGESTION AND DISEASE

Cover of Shelly’s book, INFLAMED.

By Shelly Malone, MPH, RDN, and author of “INFLAMED.” Learn more at http://www.inflamedbook.com

Our digestive system is the foundation for wellness and immunity, having the highest concentration of immune cells in our entire body. It was Hippocrates who first said, “all disease begins in the gut.” The guy has a pretty good reputation, so I don’t take his proclamation lightly. And though this wise, founding father of medicine first realized this over 2,000 years ago, most people seem to be surprised to know that a digestion (or “gut”) issue could be the culprit for a variety of symptoms outside of the expected gas, bloating and poop issues.

The gut has four quite critical functions:

To digest food and convert it into vitamins
To absorb nutrients
To prevent toxins and pathogens from entering the bloodstream
To activate thyroid hormones, which are involved in almost every physiological process in the body

A big determinant to ensuring the above processes work effectively and efficiently is the makeup of the bacteria, or microorganisms that live within the digestive tract, otherwise known as your gut microbiome.

INTRODUCTION TO THE MICROBIOME

Your microbiome is loosely defined as the community of microorganisms or microbes (beneficial and harmful) that share our body space — not only in our gut, but on our skin, in our mouths, noses, throats, lungs, and urinary tracts. The microbiome as a whole is the source of intense, ongoing research. And while researchers have not yet been able to correlate specific microbes with specific diseases, they have acknowledged:

“What is clear…is that the microbiome is probably an important factor in many diseases, a factor that has been neglected in the past.”

The American Academy of Microbiology estimates that our bodies have almost three times the amount of bacteria making up our microbiome (about 100 trillion) than we do human cells in our entire body. But, don’t let this fact cause concern (yet). While the harmful, pathogenic bacteria (e.g. coliform bacteria like E. Coli, yeasts, fungus, parasites) are the ones we have been so focused on in the past, most of the bugs, like lactobacillus and bifidobacter, are actually beneficial, or commensal, bacteria.

THE GUTS OF THE MATTER

While the microbiome as a whole is a fascinating and timely topic, we are going to stay focused on the micro demographic in our digestive system. Not only does our digestive system house about 70% of our immune cells, 95% of our serotonin and 90% of all neurotransmitters also take up residence there as well.

Ideally, we have a strong, working relationship with the friendly bugs.

Through our diet we provide the nutrients to feed these beneficial bacteria, and in turn, they keep our immunity in check, make certain vitamins, regulate our metabolism, and assist in gene expression, digestion, and many other processes that we are continuing to learn about.

It’s a win/win. Or, at least it should be.

CATEGORIES OF DISRUPTION

Unfortunately, your digestive system and the related processes it is in charge of can be compromised via two general categories. (here’s where we start to get concerned):

Dysbiosis

The goal for a healthy gut is to have the good, beneficial bacteria outweigh the bad. The good guys act as a physical barrier to the bad. If the good guys get killed off, don’t show up in the first place, or if you consume a diet that feeds your body more bad bacteria, it makes more room for the bad (pathogenic) to take over. This leads the way to a skewed ratio of much more bad bugs to good, aka dysbiosis.

Leaky Gut

The protective lining of your digestive system or gut lumen (the space inside the tube of your intestine that regulates the passage of nutrient particles into your bloodstream), can be damaged by various diet and environmental factors. This causes your digestive system to become overly permeable. And when this protective barrier breaks down, it takes down your entire system with it.

Usually your intestinal wall is woven like a piece of cheesecloth. When it’s “leaky” though, it’s more like a tennis net. This series of openings allows larger, undigested nutrient particles to get into your bloodstream before they’ve had time to marinate in the proper digestive juices. Various toxins and bacteria can also pass through. These escapees are viewed as foreigners by your immune system and trigger an antibody reaction leading to inflammation, putting a huge strain on your entire system.

Several years ago, leaky gut was only truly acknowledged in more alternative settings, but with new research available identifying how the gut lining breaks down and its association with inflammation, autoimmune disease, cancer and other chronic conditions, it is becoming more widely accepted. Today, you will hear leaky gut referred to as “intestinal hyperpermeability” or a “disrupted microbiome”.

The words “leaky” and “gut” aren’t painting a very pretty picture but the concept is imperative to almost everything we’ll discuss. If your gut health isn’t on point, your overall health won’t be either. Getting off course compromises your immunity (e.g. inappropriate inflammatory responses), detoxification process (your ability to deal with toxins in the environment), nutrient status, and neurotransmitter balance. In fact, the health of your gut even plays a role in determining how your genetic dispositions will manifest.

13 Jul

Pale Acceptance

By Mac Bogert

I was working with a leadership development group on the topic of conflict (one of my favorites, since I grew up in a family that didn’t have conflict HAHAHA). Rarely do I use another person’s slides, but that’s how this one worked out.

I put up a slide—which I’d missed seeing somehow—that suggested we “develop a tolerance for others’ beliefs and norms.” My first thought was “How the *&$# did I miss this awful slide?” I was immediately glad I did miss it. Words are important. The class took a turn into what I always hope for—chaos, our greatest ally for learning. Some of them were offended by the word tolerance, some couldn’t understand what was wrong.

Tolerance is one of those words we throw around, like empowerment, another of my least-favorite buzzwords. Empower is a transitive verb, which means we do it to people. When I brag about empowering my employees or my students (or my children), I’m highlighting my own power: If I DO IT to them, who really has the power? I direct the folks I coach to reframe the idea as power sharing, which you don’t do to people but with people. When we speak differently, we think differently.

The root meaning of tolerance is a person’s ability to bear pain. So if I proudly proclaim how tolerant I am, I’m citing my ability to bear the pain of others’ differences. I heard a politician talking about England’s decision to leave the EU, and he suggested “we need to be better at tolerating each other’s differences.” Ouch. I don’t think he even considered what he was saying.

Tolerance is condescending. It’s most often touted by the dominant group within a culture, organization, or bureaucracy (like school systems), seldom by those on the receiving end of the you’re different stick. We only need to tolerate differences if those differences cause us pain. Why should any teacher, supervisor, or trainer ever think that tolerance is anything but divisive? Being on the receiving end of pale tolerance is downlifting (the opposite of uplifting).

Let those of us with apparent power, especially when we’re responsible for leading others, start to embrace, and practice, acceptance. I’m a recovering English teacher, so words fascinate me enough to really pay attention. Acceptance evolved from words meaning to receive willingly. How much more powerful and inclusive is that than pale tolerance? I tolerate your difference, I accept our difference. Which position promotes better understanding?

After a time, when we grow comfortable with acceptance and see how much better we start to learn from others and they from us, we can progress to celebrating our differences. And that word’s deepest meaning is assemble to honor.

What if our workplaces celebrated our differences? What if schools moved from the industrial/assembly line tolerance of difference to a celebration? I listen to students all the time, and they feel the condescension of pale tolerance from their teachers and administrators, as do the people I coach in the adult work place.

When we start changing the language we use, our understanding will follow. Acceptance and celebration are for people. Tolerance is for injuries.

BTW, the class agreed to change the slide to acceptance. It was a turning point and well worth the chaos that got us there.

Mac Bogert is the founder of AZA Learning, which provides leadership coaching and learning-design support to 200 clients nationwide. His latest publication is “Learning Chaos: How Disorder Can Save Education.” The book explores the disconnect between what schools do and how people learn. In it, Bogert suggests concrete steps to remove barriers to learning in schools and training centers.

06 Jul

De-Stress Yourself by Walking Your Own Path

By Doron Libshtein

As founder of the Mentors Channel, I have had the privilege and joy of working very closely with some of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers and mentors like Deepak Chopra, Karen Berg, Byron Katie, Robin Sharma, Tim Kelley, Osho International and more. As a result, I have worked hard to spread their inspiring words and messages across the world to millions of people.

Today, I would like to invite you into my world, and share with you one very important and profound insight about stress. This insight is what I share with the many people who come to consult with me. These people almost always complain about feeling chronic stress and lack of balance in their lives. They are also frustrated because they cannot find the “de-stress” tools to cope.

I have recently received hundreds of questions through the Mentors Channel about how to achieve more balance and reduce stress. It has become abundantly clear to me how important it is for me to share my profound insight on these matters that I have achieved as a result of my many years of experience with meditation and life coaching.

Here is what I have found:

When you were a very small child, most decisions were made for you. But then you grew up and started making your own choices – what to study, where to work, what friends to surround yourself with, who to marry, whether or not to have children and so on. Sometimes you felt that you were making the choices freely, while other times you may have felt forced to choose a particular course.

Consequently, at some point in time, you discovered a very disturbing truth: You are no longer in charge. From the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed, you are stressed about your life. Whether these stressors come from your job, money issues, marriage or other aspects of your lifestyle, it may become apparent that a number of your past choices are the stress culprits.

Here are some examples of what people have been sharing with me over the years about stress:

Many know the power of meditation and the enormous positive effect of taking time for themselves. However, I often hear that they are too stressed to find the time to meditate, even for just a few minutes a day because of all their obligations. This just leads to more stress and frustration because they know what they need to do, but feel powerless.

On the other hand, I also encounter those who have a rich spiritual life, meditate, attend seminars and take time for self-reflection. Some of these people are even in the healing professions. However, they oftentimes express feelings of discontent and angst because they have not made enough money, achieved a certain stature in their profession or achieved the lifestyle they envisioned for themselves.

And then I also hear from others, who share with me that they have everything – money, a good family, a good job, high stature within their community – and yet still feel stressed. They often express a feeling of being unfulfilled amounting to a growing frustration with their life. Despite all their achievements, they are not happy, feeling like they are not being true to themselves.

Why has this happened?

The answer is not obvious. It is rooted in the choices you have made in the past and continue to make. The frustration, stress, lack of balance, lack of time – these are direct consequences of these choices. You have tried your best to do what you think is right for you, but somewhere along the way you lost your sense of purpose. That is because what you thought was your purposeful path might not have really been your own.

It is clear to me that you cannot be genuinely happy or fulfilled until you become fully committed to finding YOUR path of purpose and fulfillment in your life. Walking your own path means being completely in control of the choices you make in your life that can lead to a genuine sense of purpose. (Research has shown that people who express that they live a purposeful life live healthier, longer lives).

Here’s the good news: Finding your path to fulfillment is available to all of us. You just have to make the decision to find it and be willing to seek out the best resources and mentors to help you along the way.

Imagine waking up every morning knowing that you are no longer stressed. Imagine spending your day exactly how you feel you are meant to. Even when things do not work out as planned, you know you are on your purposeful path and are not worried that everything is not perfect.

Imagine knowing when to say yes and when to say no to what comes your way and feel great about it.

Imagine feeling fully aligned physically, mentally and spiritually.

Imagine going to sleep at night knowing that you walked your path of purpose that day and feel full of life’s energy, rather than drained or exhausted.

I know this is all possible because I have personally experienced it in my own life. I have also seen it with the great mentors I have worked with along my path. As a result, I founded the Mentors Channel six years ago and have dedicated myself to help others receive this great gift of walking their own paths. For help in finding your own path, I implore you to speak with one of our many mentors who can help you discover insights about yourself that you may have trouble uncovering on your own.

Doron Libshtein is the mentor to the world’s top mentors. Having been mentored throughout his own career, Libshtein has come full circle and is now regarded as a world-leading self-development mentor, having worked closely with the field’s top luminaries, including Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie, Robin Sharma, Tim Kelley, Marcia Weider and Karen Berg, founder of the Kabbalah Center. He is also a prolific author and strategic entrepreneur, seeking to foster personal growth using the potential of the digital space.

As chairman and founder of Mentors Channel (www.mentorschannel.com), Libshtein has established a thriving interactive community where the world’s best mentors and coaches help millions of people live fuller, richer lives.

05 Jul

Get Rid of Junk Emotions

By Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D. and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D.

We women know all about calories. Think of how you examine the packaging of a product for its nutritional content. How many calories? Is it high fat or low fat? Some products may look good, but it turns out they’re not good for you.

But what about your emotions? There are junk emotions, just like junk food. Junk emotions don’t bring out your best. What would happen if you started to consider your emotions from the perspective that they are ingredients that you feed yourself? In our book, Psychological Nutrition, we did just that.

We look at relationships as products. Some are nutritious, others are not. Just as with junk food, a diet of junk emotions (anger, resentment, worry) leads to psychological malnourishment.

Because we don’t look at our emotions in this way, we unthinkingly consume a diet so high in negative emotions (high fat), that there’s no room left for positive emotions (low fat). We see this in women who are juggling work and family. They are sandwiched between childcare, eldercare, and family and professional obligations; pretty soon they’re running on empty because they’re in psychological starvation.

Here are some key concepts:

HIGH-FAT EMOTIONS are negative and energy draining; they suck the fun and creativity out of your life and are bad for you.

High fat emotions create and maintain a cycle of pessimism and low-energy. They are fatiguing and close the door to creativity and joy.
They require no discipline; are knee-jerk emotional reactions; are a long-term habit.
Some examples: guilt, resentment, anger, envy, jealousy, pessimism, feeling less-than, fear, doubt and second guessing yourself, pessimism, frustration

LOW-FAT EMOTIONS are positive and increase your energy. Low-fat emotions should dominate your psychological intake.

Low fat (or positive) emotions energize you. They open up your world, both in terms of your inner self and the doors to opportunity.
However, they require practice and discipline.
You have to be mindful of the emotions you are consuming; you have to deliberately restrict your diet of high fat emotions.
Some examples: excitement, optimism, calmness, contentment, joy, focused attention, clear thinking, laser-like concentration.

So what do you do?

Just like food products have labels that describe their nutritional content, there should be “psychological nutritional labels” for reactions, relationships, and situations. In this way, you will know (or at least have a good idea) whether a situation has a “high fat” or “low fat” content before you enter it.

7-day Snapshot:

In order to be mindful of your high and low fat emotional intake, you will have to undertake an assessment process in the form of diary. Many of us hear the word “diary,” and we groan, “Oh my God, another obligation!” Let’s face it, we’re all busy. But, we’re also interested in becoming and staying healthy.

Psychological Nutrition simplifies this to a 7-Day Snapshot.

We test-drove it on ourselves just to make sure it really was doable. And it is.

The 7- Day Snapshot means taking one period of 7 days, and for each day recording your emotional reactions, the triggers, and the values (positive or negative). We tell you exactly how to do this.
This snapshot gives you a clear picture of your emotional nutritional content and whether you are psychologically nourished or malnourished.
That is, how many “high fat” or “low fat” emotions do you experience in a day?
The 7-day snapshot can also help you construct a psychological nutritional label. Are there people or situations that should have warning labels?

The Pay off:

Even though we are psychologists and intellectually appreciate the impact of negative emotions on our own psychological well-being, we were both astonished by our first 7-Day snapshot. It revealed that we would wake up tired, hurried, looking toward what was next on the agenda, and not really aware of what we were experiencing. We were living on a diet of high-fat emotions—mainly driven by the work ethic. So, our psychological nutrition was poor.

We are much more mindful now. We literally construct psychological nutritional labels, where some have clear warnings.

Tips:

If it is dangerous to your psychological health, don’t do it.

Even if it means someone won’t like you.
Even if it means that person has the label of “family member” and you feel obligated to do it.
Even if it means by saying “no” you will be perceived as not accommodating.

Time is a finite quantity and none of us know how much of it we have. Start each day in making life as fulfilled and joyful as it can be, and build on that.

Dr. Shoba Sreenivasan earned a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from UCLA in 1986 and completed a post-doctoral forensic fellowship at USC. She is a Clinical Professor at Keck School of Medicine of USC, works as a VA psychologist, and has a private forensic psychology practice. She’s co-authored Totally American, a motivational book, and authored the Mattie Spyglass series. She has also written numerous scholarly publications and book chapters in the fields of forensic psychology, violence risk assessment, and Veterans’ issues.

Dr. Linda E. Weinberger earned a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Houston in 1979 and subsequently completed a postdoctoral forensic fellowship at USC. She has been the Chief Psychologist at the USC Institute of Psychiatry, Law, and Behavioral Sciences, and Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Keck School of Medicine of USC for over three and a half decades. She is the author of numerous book chapters and scholarly publications in the fields of forensic psychology, suicide risk, and violence risk assessment.

Learn more about authors on www.psychologicalnutrition.com.

01 Jul

ESTABLISHING A HOME YOGA PRACTICE

An Excerpt from THE ART AND BUSINESS OF TEACHING YOGA by Amy Ippoliti and Taro Smith, PhD

Yoga in America is booming. A 2016 report by Yoga Journal and Yoga Alliance reported that 36.7 million people practice yoga, up from 20.4 million in 2012, and 28 percent of all Americans having taken a yoga class at some point in their lives. As a result, the demand for yoga instructors has never been higher and increasing numbers of practitioners are becoming inspired to teach — a career that can be as challenging as it is fulfilling.

In their new book The Art and Business of Teaching Yoga: The Yoga Professional’s Guide to a Fulfilling Career yoga “teacher of teachers” Amy Ippoliti and wellness entrepreneur Taro Smith, PhD, build on their popular “90 Minutes to Change the World” online course for yoga professionals to offer instructors a road map for creating a career that sustains and inspires not only themselves, but their students as well.

We hope you’ll enjoy this short excerpt from the book, which offers powerful tips for fitting a home yoga practice into your busy schedule, which should prove helpful to both yoga teachers and practitioners alike.

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Have you ever taken a yoga class when you could just tell that the teacher was not into it? Or have you been that teacher? A passionless teacher can’t inspire students. Fortunately, there is a remedy, and that is to get on your own yoga mat and meditation cushion. As the yogini Dana Trixie Flynn puts it, “Just as a concert musician must practice their instrument, a yoga teacher must practice on their mat.”

This doesn’t mean going to a workshop or retreat only once in a while — though that can be nice — and coming back inspired and enthusiastic. This is about continual refueling. It means getting on your yoga mat consistently, at home, in a class, or at a practice for teachers and advanced students.

This may seem obvious, but the majority of teachers we’ve polled complain that their single biggest challenge as a teacher is keeping up their own practice. If this is a problem for you, here are some ideas to get you rolling. If you’re practicing consistently already, you can skim this section, but you might consider helping to uplift the whole teaching community by organizing group practices that help others stay motivated too.

Establish — and Maintain — Your Home Practice

Having a practice of your own can be not only empowering but often incredibly creative and innovative. If you don’t continue to practice regularly in addition to teaching, your only source of inspiration for your teaching is the stale memory of a regular practice. Do whatever it takes to get yourself on your mat five to seven days a week, even if only for a short time. Put on your favorite music first thing in the morning, and get on your mat and just experiment with movement.

Vow to practice at least ten minutes a day, five to seven days a week. By committing to only ten minutes, you avoid putting pressure on yourself, and you’re more likely to stick to the resolution. If you start small, you will find yourself craving more time on the mat.

Create a dedicated space in your home for your practice. This will encourage you to practice at home more often. It doesn’t have to be anything special — and you certainly don’t want to put so much thought into it that the planning process prevents you from rolling out your mat! But when you put just enough energy into a space, it can become magnetic, drawing you onto the mat.

Other tips for practicing consistently and keeping your practice interesting include the following:

Go straight from your bed to the mat in the morning
Queue up new music to listen to while practicing
Attempt a new pose and do a warm-up that gets you there
Practice someplace new — in a different room, outside, or even in a hot tub
Lay out your mat in an unavoidable space
Set a goal for the week, such as a certain number of days on the mat, a certain pose, or more time in a pose
Keep an asana and meditation journal to stay accountable to yourself
Write down any inspiring sequences you’ve done in other teachers’ classes or practices, and work on them again

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Amy Ippoliti and Taro Smith, PhD are the authors of The Art and Business of Teaching Yoga and founders of the online school 90 Monkeys, which has enhanced the skills of yoga teachers and studios in over 40 countries. Amy is known for bringing yoga to modern-day life in a genuine way and has been featured on the covers of Yoga Journal and Fit Yoga Magazine. Taro is the Chief Content Officer at Yoga Glo and has over two decades of experience developing yoga, medical, and wellness enterprises. They both live in Boulder, Colorado. Visit them online at www.90monkeys.com and www.AmyIppoliti.com.

01 Jul

The Surprising Freedom that Productivity Brings

We all strive for more meaning in our lives, right? Being more productive may be the key to having more precious moments every day.

We want to do the best and be the best we can be, not only for ourselves but for our spouses, our children, and all the people in our lives. Being the best version of ourselves creates opportunities that change our lives for the better. Being productive doesn’t mean you are doing more or doing it faster, it means you are living intentionally, creating time for the things that bring you the most joy and satisfaction in your life.

When we solely focus on the urgent things in life, we miss out on the beautiful moments that we live for: the deep connections with friends, morning yoga, meditation and reflection, playing with our children and making real time with family. Experiencing these moments means we have to move beyond simply existing, to actually living. It means we must stop mindlessly chauffeuring our children around and managing the family to do list, to inhaling and exhaling the beauty that each day brings. We become more present when we put ourselves first, mind, body and spirit. No more promising yourself you will meditate when you have time for it and don’t feel rushed. Oh, the irony!

It is time for a change. If we want different results, we must be willing to do things differently.

Imagine feeling fully present in every moment. You’ve completed your to do list, you have a good handle of what is coming up in the next few days and your feel rejuvenated from your morning walk or work out. You are feeling good about life and about yourself and you are able to fully invest and be fully present in all areas of your life….it’s tough to even imagine that feeling isn’t it? The fact it, that sense of freedom is at the tip of our fingers, we just have to be willing to put in the work to get there. The longer we procrastinate and let things slip, the further behind we feel and the heavier the weight of each day feels. How we are supposed to be present in each day if we can barely get through breakfast without panicking about all the things we didn’t get done the day before and all the things we aren’t prepared for today?

Based on my experience coaching thousands of women around the world towards achieving their greatest potential, I find this one exercise to be one of the most effective tools out there to help you become more productive and ultimately more present in your daily life: The 30/30 Rule.

The 30/30 Rule is more than a rule or a task, but a way a life. The idea is to spend 30 undistracted, uninterrupted, completely intentional minutes every day on something that is 30 or more days away. By checking into your schedule 30 days out, you are not only seeing what is coming up but gathering perspective on your life by acknowledging what you have already said yes to. If it’s on your calendar, you’ve already said yes, meaning you care about it and have made it a priority. Definitely don’t let those things slip through the cracks by not being prepared for them.

By implementing these 30 minutes into your day, yes you will be losing 30 minutes but you will be gaining so much more. Not only will you feel more confident about your schedule, but you will be practicing accountability and becoming impeccable with your word each and every day. If you see your child has a party at school coming up and you have signed up to make the cakepops, use those 30 minutes to put a reminder in your phone to pick up the ingredients in a few days so you are prepared to make them when the time comes. Being prepared is everything and it sure beats running to the store 10 minutes before they close the night before!

Life is full of enough surprises! Don’t let things on your calendar surprise you. By staying on top of the things you have committed to, you are freeing yourself up to those beautiful moments that make life so enjoyable.

I encourage you to find a friend that will hold you accountable as you make the shift to implementing these 30 minutes into your day. Their encouragement and support will take you further than you think. We are so much better together than we are alone! Or maybe the 30 minutes a day seems doable, but you still don’t know how you can find time for your morning yoga. Ask a friend to be your accountability partner in this endeavor. Sharing your dreams and desires with others is a healthy habit to develop. By doing this, you are building your team. A team of people who love you, support you and will cheer for you, even on the rainy days.

Use those 30 minutes to create the life you dream about. Chase it and embrace it! Drop the excuses, stay ahead of your schedule, and live freely – breathing in every moment, enjoying every laugh and being fully present.

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JODI WOMACK is the CEO of the Get Momentum Leadership Academy, the online coaching program with a personal touch and co-author of Get Momentum: How to Start When You’re Stuck. (Wiley, 2016)
Interested in FINALLY getting ahead? The Get Momentum Leadership Academy offers a 15-Day free trial. No obligation. No credit card required. Just a taste of what professional support and consistence feels like. This program provides you with the insights, strategy and accountability to make the kind of advancements you’re looking for. Click here to get started!

29 Jun

Adventures of Mustang Sally Excerpt

This is an excerpt from the book “Adventures of Mustang Sally” by Don Rashke and Mustang Sally.

Not much has changed up here in the Wisconsin woods. I’m glad about that because I really don’t like surprises anymore. Lucy and I have the whole place to ourselves. Once we unpack all our stuff and settle in, Don takes the ATV out on the road and lets Lucy and me run on our own alongside or a little bit in front. It feels good to stretch my legs after all that time in the car. My Pal even lets us go into the woods along the road. But he always calls out “far enough” so we know when to come back to him. Whenever we go for a run, Patricia worries that something will distract us in the woods and we’ll get lost. I guess she just can’t forget that winter up here with the bear. But it’s warm now and sound travels well. We can always hear Don calling us.

Sometimes, just for fun, Lucy and I fool our Pal and come out of the woods way in front of him. I think even he gets a little worried when we do this. In his really serious voice, he’ll say: “Stay near me.” Then he turns the ATV around and we run back home. Running in this warm air makes me tired and thirsty. As soon as we get back to the cabin, I head straight for my water bowl. It’s nice and cool in the house so Lucy and I lie down and take a little nap.

dog-mustang-sally

What we don’t know is that while we’re napping, Patricia goes into town and gets some big balls for us to play with. When we wake up, she throws one onto the veranda and Lucy and I charge after it. As hard as I try, I can’t get a bite of this ball. So I try a different strategy. I push it into the corner of the porch. But then Lucy comes over and pushes it away. We both chase this pesky thing again and corner it. By now, we’re both pretty upset that we can’t get our mouths around this ball. And you know that we Staffies have big jaws. Patricia laughs and says to Don: “They’re having a ball with this.” I think she’s making a joke.

All I know is that I’m getting tired again. Lucy is so fast that I can’t keep up with her. I try one more time to grab the ball with my jaws wide open. Then I give up and go inside to rest.

The time I like best up here is early morning. My Pal Don hears Lucy and me moving around and he gets up too. The three of us jump in the car and go out to get some coffee and the morning paper. When we get back, if we’ve been good, Don gives us a treat. Sometimes it’s leftover steak from the night before, sometimes fish. I think they bring it back from a restaurant where they have dinner sometimes. Wherever this stuff comes from, it’s always good. Don calls my name first and gives me my piece. Then he calls Lucy. That way, we don’t have to fight to see who can snap it up first. Sometimes, Patricia forgets to do it this way. Then, because Lucy is so much faster than me, she always gets there first. That’s just not fair.

A little later, after we’ve had our treat, Patricia gets up and has breakfast. Then she takes us for a walk. Usually we behave, but today Lucy and I take off into the woods after a deer. Lucy comes back out right away, but I follow the deer for a while. As Lucy told me later, Patricia gets worried when I’m gone for so long. She and Lucy hurry back to the cabin to tell Don. He gets out the ATV and crosses over the road into a small woods. He yells back to Patricia to wait on the road. Don’s calling out as he’s moving. He can’t see that I’m just behind him. Patricia sees me from the road and comes over to get me. After she puts me in the car, she chases after Don to let him know she’s found me. As you can see, even with just the four of us, there’s always some excitement around here.

When we have visitors, it gets even more interesting. This weekend, two of Don’s sons—Rich and Dan—come up. Rich brings Carley, his year-old Golden Retriever, and Dan brings my son (and Lucy’s brother) Mak. The four of us dogs really mix things up. There’s never a dull moment. But if it starts getting a bit wild and I want to be left alone, I let Mak and Lucy know that their mom’s still in charge. With these kids around, it’s a lot of fun. But it can be exhausting and I have to pace myself. One thing’s for sure, I sleep really good at night up here.

Later in the summer, Don’s brother Richard comes up again and so does Don’s cousin, Frank. Frank loves dogs. Back at his own house he has Springer Spaniels, so we get along great. Of course, Richard is still a cat man, but he doesn’t mind us. He’d just rather be fishing or playing his horn. Don says Richard is a great writer of books. I’ll have to listen up and see if I can get any tips from him. It sure would be great if I could write a book, too.

About the authors

Staffordshire Bull Terrier Mustang Sally is a retired AKC dog show competitor with five champion pups of her own. Originally from England, Mustang Sally currently resides in Montgomery, Texas, and enjoys playing outside with her pups and the Rashke family.

Prior to moving to Texas and marrying Patricia, Don Rashke was the founder and CEO of a successful employee benefits services company based in Wisconsin. After they adopted Mustang Sally, the Rashkes set up Mustang Sally’s Kennel, and Sally and her pups later won many ribbons in dog shows across the country.

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