AYURVEDASUBSCRIBE to the NEWSLETTER!Book a Session with Lissa on Intro
Coffeytalk on Facebook
Coffeytalk on Youtube
Coffeytalk on Instagram
Coffeytalk on Amazon
Song Divine on Spotify
Coffeytalk on Spotify
Lissa Coffey Podcasts on iTunes Connect
Book a Session with Lissa on Intro
Internet Movie Database
buttonlayer2
28 May

Bempathy = Banter + Empathy®

Guest post by Jill Robin Payne, LPC-S, LCDC

Talk less. Connect more. That’s Bempathy®.
The communication shortcut for anyone who wants to be heard — and feel connected.

In today’s fast-paced digital world, people are talking constantly—but not really connecting. We’re inundated with texts, DMs, emails, group chats, likes, and short-form videos. But what’s missing is the human touch. Authentic connection—the kind that makes you feel seen, heard, and valued—has been drowned out by surface-level conversations, digital distractions, and a culture of black-and-white thinking.

That’s where Bempathy® comes in.

So… What Is Bempathy®?

Bempathy® is a modern communication mindset that blends playful banter with thoughtful empathy — a real-time approach to reciprocal connection. It helps people feel safe enough to let their guard down, confident enough to express themselves, and cared for enough to truly engage.

It’s not therapy. It’s not fluff. It’s a practical mindset that works fast.

Use it to:

  • Say the right thing in awkward moments
  • Lower tension in conversations
  • Build trust in any relationship — personal or professional

Think of Bempathy® as your shortcut to stronger conversations and deeper relationships — with anyone you talk to, from your spouse or teen to your boss, client, coworker, or even that neighbor you always wave to but never really talk to.

Why People Need Bempathy® Now

In a world full of screen time and stress, the need for meaningful interaction has never been greater. People are tired of surface-level chats and misinterpreted messages. They’re craving real connection—but many have forgotten how to get there.

Bempathy® works because it’s not about fixing people. It’s about equipping them with tools that make connection easier, faster, and more natural.

Most people come to me because they:

  • Feel awkward or freeze in conversations — personally or professionally
  • Struggle with family tension, emotional distance, or workplace conflict
  • Want meaningful connections — not just surface-level interactions or social media likes
  • Lead teams or work with people all day and feel emotionally drained by it
  • Feel misunderstood, overlooked, or like they never say the “right thing”

Bempathy® changes all that. It teaches you to step back and see the bigger picture—the dynamics at play—while giving you the right words, timing, and tone to get results without making anyone feel pressured, judged, or lectured.

You Don’t Have to Talk More — Just Talk Better

“Talk less. Connect more.” That’s the beauty of Bempathy®. It’s not about saying a lot—it’s about saying what matters in a way that lands. Using the right blend of playfulness and presence, Bempathy® opens people up and invites connection to happen.

When you banter with empathy:

  • Put others at ease
  • Defuse tension or awkward moments
  • Get to the heart of what someone really needs
  • Build trust faster than you ever imagined

It’s about being heard—without being harsh. Speaking up—without dominating. Expressing yourself—without steamrolling others. Bempathy® is communication that’s clear, kind, and confident.

How Bempathy® Helps in Real Life

You can use Bempathy® to smooth out tough talks with your partner, connect with your kids in a way that gets through, or have productive conversations at work that don’t drain your energy.

And it’s not just theory—it’s a skill you can learn fast. That’s why people lean in: Bempathy® works quickly. You don’t have to wait weeks or sit through hours of training. Even one chapter of my book can change how you communicate by tomorrow.

That’s why corporate teams, families, and media hosts are all paying attention. They see the results. They feel the difference.

Why I Wrote the Bempathy® Books

One of my most popular books is called Meeting People: It’s Not a Game — Your Path to Genuine Connections Thru Bempathy®. The title says it all. We weren’t meant to play games with each other. We’re meant to connect. But most people were never taught how to do that in a way that feels natural and genuine.

These books are small enough to carry in your purse, briefcase, or glovebox—because real connection can happen anywhere: in line at the grocery store, over coffee with a coworker, or sitting in traffic next to a stranger. Every moment holds a chance to connect, and Bempathy® shows you how to spot and use them.

If You’ve Ever…

  • Gotten a weird or confusing text
  • Frozen in a conversation
  • Felt like someone just didn’t get you
  • Wanted to be heard without a fight
  • Longed for friendships that actually felt mutual

…Then Bempathy® is for you.

It’s the practical, human, healing way to build connection in a disconnected world.

So, if you’re looking to shift your conversations, strengthen your relationships, or lead your team with trust and clarity, know this: You don’t need to do more. You just need to Bempathize©.

Let’s Bempathize© together to create a dream life world.


Jill Robin Payne, LPC-S, LCDC

website: https://jillrobinpayne.com/

Bempathy® Page: https://jillrobinpayne.com/bempathy/

Share this
10 Apr

Instead of Retirement, Think Graduation by Elizabeth Zelinka Parsons, J.D.

The following is an excerpt from Retirement Transition Expert Elizabeth Zelinka Parsons’s book, “Encore: A High Achiever’s Guide to Thriving in Retirement,” adapted from Chapter 2, “The Problem with the Retirement Construct:”     

 

Instead of Retirement, Think Graduation

Retirement can be a turning point brimming with opportunity, a moment of life leading to new direction and challenge, a time when our best years remain ahead. But to have a fulfilling post-career life, we need to do some planning beyond our financial realm and look for inspiration aside from beaches, golf courses, and sailboats.

When we first sit down with our clients, we ask them how they feel about the notion of retiring. The common themes are stark. We hear things like, “I absolutely hate that word—let’s not use it.” Or “I’m really not sure—I know I feel very unsettled by the idea, but even worse—I have no framework for how to approach it.” Or “I haven’t said this to anybody, but the truth is, I’m terrified because I have no idea what’s about to happen to my life.”

At this juncture, we encourage a reframe of the looming inflection point from one of contraction (implied by the word retirement) to one of expansion, like one might feel at a graduation. Almost instantly, we see a shift in our clients’ energy at this suggestion. Now the focus is on what else is possible, having already achieved so much, instead of what is being left behind. Often, a new anxiety emerges because the possibilities can seem both endless and daunting, stoking a different type of perplexity.

Of course, we assure them they are in very good company. Our clients almost always share a sense of overwhelm and uncertainty at the start of our work together and imagine that they are alone in their confusion. We quickly assure them, for the reasons I have already detailed, that many people, especially those leaving intense careers, are similarly flummoxed.

 

The Paradox of Choice

Imagine it’s a hot summer day, and you pass by a gelato shop brimming with scrumptious flavors. Which would be better, tiramisu, cioccolato, or the sundry other temptations? Winnowing such a selection down to a favorite can jam your ability to choose. Whether determining something as consequential as your options after retirement or just picking an ice cream to suit your mood, you might experience indecision when faced with multiple options that you struggle to compare.

Decision paralysis is a topic we discuss with every client. As we point out, the very conditions that make this moment feel daunting also constitute the raw materials for the most opportune moment they may ever have lived. For the first time, they have financial security, an abundance of time, deep experience and knowledge, a pervasive network, and an understanding of how the world works. The paradox is that the very conditions that translate into a surge of options and opportunities can also block the ability to decide out of fear of making the wrong choice.

A common stress signal we’ll hear includes feeling rushed to determine their postwork future or bouncing around cluelessly without the comfort of side walls. Our job is to reorient a client’s thinking. Whatever the exact wording we use, it will invariably convey the following idea: you have as many skills and assets as you have ever had, and now the challenge is to combine them in a way that feels energizing and expansive. We then follow up with some reassurance along these lines: where you’re standing, it feels like a problem, but it’s actually a huge opportunity. To clinch the redirect, we acknowledge that they’re no longer floundering in a vacuum but, rather, are launched on a results-oriented path toward a desirable outcome.

Without a plan to organize your retirement, it feels like an impossible puzzle to put together. We’re here to help you build a road map to new purpose and meaning.

 

Summary

  • Retirement originated as a political tool, not a well-being tool.
  • Retirement marketing has created a lot of mythology, leading to two extremes in many people’s minds: either imminent decline or permanent vacation.
  • When reframed, “retirement” presents an incredible opportunity, a graduation into more rather than a slide into less.
  • Ironically, many people find the number of new directions available to them overwhelming and need a framework to sort and evaluate them.
  • There are plenty of inspiring examples of people who found new levels of meaning, contribution, and satisfaction after their primary careers, and these role models can help light the way.

 

 

About the author: Elizabeth Zelinka Parsons, J.D., is a Retirement Transition Expert, lawyer, and co-founder of two consulting firms, Zelinka Parsons and Encoraco. A magna cum laude graduate of Georgetown University Law Center and summa cum laude graduate of James Madison University, Elizabeth has spent over two decades shaping professional development and transition strategies for legal professionals. A former attorney at Milbank, she built a national consulting firm assisting AmLaw 100 firms with talent solutions. Author of “Encore: A High Achiever’s Guide to Thriving in Retirement ” (Feb. 5, 2025), Elizabeth combines analytical rigor with creative vision to help professionals redefine retirement as a dynamic opportunity for growth and fulfillment. Learn more at encoraco.com.

 

Link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCG8MVF1

Share this
04 Oct

Altars of Power and Grace

By Robin Mastro

Transform your life through the wisdom of ancient India with a dash of modern magic. Altars have the power to create positive change through the beauty they bring into your life

I stumbled upon the concept of creating transformative altars based on Vedic knowledge. It began with three large, time-consuming events that were vying for my time and attention at the same time: The first was the remodel of a house my husband, Michael, and I bought to move into in Seattle. We were overseeing the remodel incorporating Vastu principles of architectural design. The second was the graduate program I was doing at Antioch University, and third, was a quickly approaching trip to India.

That was a lot for me to juggle in any one year, yet alone over the course of a few months. The time to address my Graduate Committee with my thesis was due just weeks after returning from India. I felt pressured with the prospects and thought I either had to drop out of school while this renovation and trip were happening, or somehow use whatever I was about to see and learn in India in my final project for school.

I decided to drop out of school for the semester and on my way in to school one morning, driving on the I-90 floating bridge heading west I heard a voice, so clear and strong coming from the back seat that said, “Don’t do it!” I actually turned to look to see who was there…and then I took the first exit, once over the bridge and through the tunnel, and headed for Michael’s office, which was just down the street. I remember turning off the engine and just sitting in the parking lot for the longest time rather stunned. Then, I turned around and went home not knowing how it was all going to turn out, but trusting that I could handle whatever was next.

That was a pivotal moment; one that changed the course of my life even before I knew it. The remodel of the house was moving forward and Michael and I left for India. I was on a quest…in fact the entire group of us who met up in Bangalore were on a quest together. It was 1998 and there were, traveling throughout India north to the Himalayas with renowned spiritual teacher, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of The Art of Living Foundation

Everywhere we went, people honored the Divine through sacred ritual known as puja. Ordinary people and powerful priests all preform these beautiful, intricate ceremonies honoring the holy traditions they follow. They are done in ancient temples and people’s homes, in shops in towns we visited, and at outdoor weddings. Throughout India, and in Bali, Europe, Mexico and Egypt for that matter, everywhere we had traveled in the past decade, I saw how people of these distinctly varied cultures honored the forces of nature, acknowledging the Divine, all-knowing presence at play in their lives.

It was in Rishikesh, on the banks of the Ganges, walking through huge crowds of sadhus and wandering cows who had gathered on their way to Hardiwar for the Kumbha Mela that I had this expanded thought. It was about the design of sacred altars used for thousands of years. My thought focused on the five elements already used in the ancient ceremony known as puja. I wondered what would happen if I arranged the items in this sacred ceremony differently, using principles of placement from Vastu, the Vedic science of environmental harmony and wellbeing. Would it empower people? Change their lives in some notable way? Create a positive impact? That query became the basis for my thesis and our first book, Altars of Power and Grace ~ Create the Life You Desire, which won multiple awards including Book of the Year four times the year it was published.

My graduate research that followed our trip to India, and the impact these altars, designed in the Vedic tradition, have had on thousands of people’s lives over the past 20+ years astounds me to this day. Through our three books, various workshops, and now our upcoming course on altars, we have shared our life’s work and it has been purely transformational. Altars are like homing devices for your highest intentions to manifest in your life. The alchemy is powerful and the impact, life-changing.

You can learn more about Vastu altars and how they will transform your life and connect you more deeply with your dreams and heart’s desires. We’ve launched a brand new, 6-week course, “Altars of Power and Grace”, beginning October 22. Click here to learn more

Robin Mastro

Share this
22 Jul

Cultivating Mindful Awareness for Better Focus

By Juliet Dreamhunter

Recent research has brought into focus an intriguing aspect of human behavior: the fleeting nature of our attention span. There are times when it feels like we’re just programmed to lose our focus and get easily sidetracked from achieving anything we had in mind.

Doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of a fascinating book or a critical work project. When suddenly your phone pings with a notification, without even thinking about it, you probably reach to check it. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, much like the startle response to a loud sound or the flinch from a sudden bright light. You might think, “It’s just the way I’m wired. I can’t resist these distractions.”

Where did this notion come from? Well, it turns out that the roots of this quick-to-react tendency trace all the way back to our early ancestors, even though they didn’t have any of the technological miracles we enjoy today. In a world where immediate responses often meant the difference between survival and extinction, being alert to potential threats and reacting swiftly was a valuable asset.

Those survival instincts, hardwired in our brains through centuries, manifest in our modern world as a proneness to distractions. You see, when we shift our focus, the decision-making part of our brain lights up, similar to our ancestors’ brains reacting to danger signals.

But there’s a twist to this tale. Our brains are incredibly sophisticated, not just reacting to the world around us but also predicting what comes next. How does this work, you wonder?

From our early years, our brains start forming rules and patterns based on our experiences. Over time, these rules solidify, helping us make sense of the world. The ping from your phone, therefore, isn’t just a sound; it’s a cue that your brain associates with new information, an exciting social interaction, or even an urgent task.

Now, this is where the story takes a turn. There’s a growing school of thought that suggests our focus isn’t a finite, easily exhaustible resource. Instead, it’s something we can shape, control, and even cultivate. In other words, we’re not mere puppets pulled by the strings of an uncontrolled, easily distractible brain (as opposed to our less lucky animal friends. As humans, we have the power to reshape our brain in order to manage how we interact with our surroundings.

Additionally, our relationship with the environment isn’t as one-sided as it might seem. It’s easy to believe that our surroundings primarily dictate where our attention goes. However, it’s more of a two-way street.

Our bodily and emotional state also play a significant role. For instance, if you’re tired or hungry, your ability to focus on a complex task may falter. Conversely, if you’re well-rested and content, the same task may seem much easier to tackle.

This shift in perspective can be a game-changer for someone struggling to become more focused. It suggests we’re not just passive participants in a world full of distractions. Instead, we actively create our reality! We choose which stimuli to process as valuable information and which ones to dismiss as noise. It’s a bit like being a DJ, selecting the tracks that best fit the mood and skipping the ones that don’t.

Now that we’ve established this, let’s delve deeper and explore how we can use this understanding to our advantage. How can we cultivate this power to choose, control, and refine our focus? This is where mindfulness and meditation enter the picture.

Mindfulness is the practice of deliberately focusing on the present moment without judgment. It’s like training your mind to remain balanced on a tightrope, not wandering into the past or the future. And the best part? You can exercise this mental muscle anywhere, anytime.

Whether you’re sipping your morning coffee, listening to a friend, or merely breathing, mindfulness can be integrated into every aspect of your life.

Meditation, a most commonly known practice of mindfulness, can be particularly effective in enhancing our focus. In a way, it’s like hitting the gym, but for your mind. Regular meditation practice can help strengthen our ‘attention muscle’, making it less prone to distractions. In other words, it equips us with the ability to be in control of our own attention, consciously deciding where our focus goes.

By practicing mindfulness and meditation, we can harness our power to create our reality. These tools allow us to rewrite the rules formed by our brains, to modify the patterns that have solidified over time. Through this, we can transform our interactions with the world, making our experiences more meaningful and focused.

Now, the next question is, how can we use these tools to rediscover who we truly are? With the power to control our focus and consciously create our reality, the journey of self-discovery becomes all the more interesting.

Bio:

Juliet Dreamhunter is a certified goal success coach and the founder of Juliety.

Share this
24 Mar

The Oral Microbiome by Dr. Akil Palanisamy, MD

As we work to heal the gut microbiome and reduced intestinal permeability, we also must consider the oral microbiome. This pivotal factor is often overlooked in autoimmune conditions (and other chronic diseases), even though it has powerful effects on dental health and diseases, the gut microbiome, and systemic inflammation.

Through multiple mechanisms, oral bacteria can play a role in disparate conditions like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, colon cancer, lung infections, brain abscesses, and autoimmunity.i For this reason, the oral microbiome has a substantial impact on the immune system and can sometimes be the missing link in terms of helping a patient with autoimmunity to achieve remission.

The oral microbiome contains the second largest collection of bacteria in the body after the gut, harboring around 6 billion bacteria and over 700 different species.ii Although this microbiome is relatively well-studied, newer more advanced techniques have found that these numbers are likely underestimating the quantity and diversity of bacteria.

We swallow a whopping 1-2 L of saliva per day. Assuming on the low end that we swallow only 1 L per day leads to an interesting calculation. Considering that saliva contains between 800 million to more than 1 billion bacteria/mL,iii that works out to an incredible 800 billion to > 1 trillion oral bacteria swallowed per day – more powerful than almost any probiotic available on the market. And there are no breaks or “days off” from this influx of bacteria – it is a constant and daily occurrence. From this, we can understand how the oral microbiome could have such a significant impact on the gut microbiome and overall systemic inflammation.

 

A Key Player in Autoimmunity

Porphyromonas gingivalis (P. gingivalis) is an oral bacterium that is involved in the pathogenesis of periodontitis, an inflammatory disease that destroys the gums and can lead to tooth loss. It also plays a key role in rheumatoid arthritis, as these bacteria are potent inducers of immune mediated proinflammatory responses leading to bone damage and systemic inflammation.iv P. Gingivalis is also implicated in rheumatoid arthritis through molecules known as “citrullinated proteins”.

Accumulating evidence suggests a role for autoimmunity against these citrullinated proteins in the development of rheumatoid arthritis. By driving the production of these proteins, this bacteria may contribute to the development of RA. In fact, anti-cyclic citrullinated protein antibodies (anti-CCP antibodies) are the most common rheumatoid arthritis biomarker, found in the blood of most patients with RA. A more recently discovered bacteria, Aggregatibacter actinomycetemcomitans, is also an inducer of citrullinated proteins and is being studied for its role in RA.v

 

Leaky Mouth Syndrome

The epithelial cells lining the mouth maintain a strong barrier, limiting the entry of microbes and toxins, because the mouth is the gateway to the world and the first line of defense against pathogens. Just as dysbiosis in the G.I. tract contributes to impaired barrier function, oral dysbiosis can lead to increased permeability and the condition of “leaky mouth,” in which inflammation in the oral mucosa caused by dysbiosis and other factors damages the normal barrier, allowing for the entry of bacteria, toxins, and other microbes into the bloodstream. Because the mouth and gums are highly vascular, anything that slips through can easily travel to other parts of the body and cause complications—as with P. gingivalis. A striking example of this permeability was seen in a 9-year-old with celiac disease (an autoimmune disease exacerbated by gluten exposure) who struggled with abdominal pain despite a strict gluten-free diet. She was symptomatic and had positive serum markers for active disease, which indicated she was somehow getting exposed to gluten. The cause for this turned out to be her orthodontic retainer—gluten is a common additive in plastics, and she was absorbing trace amounts orally. Discontinuing use led to resolution of her symptoms and her celiac markers returned to normal. vi

 

Oral Dysbiosis in Autoimmunity

Dysbiosis in the oral microbiome has been discovered in patients with a number of autoimmune diseases. For example, patients with autoimmune liver diseases such as autoimmune hepatitis and primary biliary cirrhosis exhibit signs of dysbiosis in their oral microbiota with increases in the levels of certain pathogens (overgrowth of harmful bacteria in their mouth).vii Other autoimmune conditions in which changes in the oral microbiome have been identified include Sjogren’s syndrome, systemic sclerosis, systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) and Crohn’s disease. viii

As we’ve learned, rheumatoid arthritis is also connected with the oral microbiome; studies from Europe, Asia, and Canada have found that patients with rheumatoid arthritis have a distinct oral (and gastrointestinal) microbiome compared to healthy controls. ix

 

Strengthen Your Oral Microbiome

To support the health of the oral microbiome, teeth, and gums, of course good nutrition is essential. A balanced diet rich in micronutrients, minerals, and essential fatty acids, like the food plan offered in Chapter 10, is the foundation. Adequate intake of calcium, vitamin D, and vitamin K2 support healthy teeth.

Avoid processed sweeteners such as sugar or high fructose corn syrup because simple sugars feed the growth of bad bacteria in both the oral and gastrointestinal microbiome. Processed fructose (anything not found naturally in fruits) increases LPS and intestinal permeability, as we discussed earlier in this chapter.

Good dental hygiene, including daily brushing and flossing are important. Avoid commercial mouthwashes, because the repeated exposure to antibacterial compounds can have detrimental effects on the oral microbiome. Instead, I recommend the Ayurvedic practice of oil-pulling, which I describe below.

 

Prevent Dry Mouth

Maintaining adequate levels of saliva is crucial because saliva contains enzymes, antibodies, and proteins that help maintain a healthy oral microbiome. Scientists have discovered many vital salivary components that both directly and indirectly prevent dysbiosis in the mouth.x This is why people with dry mouth from insufficient saliva are at higher risk of tooth decay, bad breath, and dysbiosis. In such cases, chewing gum with xylitol, sucking on ice cubes, and increasing water intake can help increase salivary production. A humidifier, especially in your bedroom while you sleep, may help as well.

 

Breathe Right

Chronic mouth breathing is a major cause of dry mouth. We were designed to breathe through our nose, which will filter and humidify the air we take in. Mouth breathing increases the odds of snoring and dries out the mouth, which can contribute to dysbiosis – especially if it occurs for prolonged periods such as during sleep. If you regularly wake up with bad breath or dry mouth, it’s likely you are breathing through your mouth overnight.

If this is the case, you might try mouth taping, which is a simple solution that can have big benefits. Immediately before bed, apply petroleum jelly to your lips and place a piece of hypoallergenic tape horizontally across both your lips. There are brands of tape made specifically for this purpose; however, you can also use paper tape, the kind of you might find in a first-aid kit. Many of my patients who swear that this technique dramatically improves their sleep quality. There aren’t many available studies on mouth taping, but it is inexpensive and easy to try, and relatively safe. I recommend it only because it can reduce dry mouth as well as gum disease, throat infections, bad breath, and oral dysbiosis.

 

Green Tea – A True Superfood

When it comes to supporting the oral microbiome, one beverage requires special mention: green tea. Most widely known for its antioxidants and cardiovascular benefits, green tea contains polyphenols (dietary antioxidants) that serve as beneficial prebiotics for both the oral and intestinal microbiota. Studies show that drinking green tea regularly improves heart disease risk profiles and reduces the risk of dying from cardiovascular disease by up to 31%. xi  It also has benefits in preventing diabetes, metabolic syndrome and colon cancer. xii

But green tea also has numerous benefits for the oral and gut microbiome. Studies show that two cups of green tea daily improve the diversity of the salivary microbiome in healthy adults, and increases Ruminococci and Bifidobacteria in the gut as well as Roseburia, Feacalibacterium, and Eubacterium – which produce beneficial metabolites called short chain fatty acids (SCFAs). xiii

The medicinal properties of green tea likely stem from antioxidants known as catechins; to boost your daily intake of these powerful compounds, add a quarter teaspoon of matcha green tea powder—which is very high in catechinsxiv—to your daily cup of green tea.

Lab studies have confirmed that green tea inhibits the growth of oral bacteria.xv Likely as a result of this, studies also show that it reduces bad breath.xvi Swishing green tea around in your mouth before swallowing is a good way to add oral benefits to the many systemic benefits of this healthy beverage.

 

Oil Pulling and Tongue Scraping

There are a variety of other practices that can be beneficial to your oral microbiome. Oil pulling, in which you swish oil around in your mouth for about 5-10 minutes and then discard it, is an Ayurvedic practice that supports the oral microbiome. Ayurveda believes that oil pulling can prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and bad breath. Studies have confirmed that regular oil pulling with coconut oil is able to significantly reduce levels of bacteria in the saliva, and also reduce plaque levels, thus improving dental health and cutting down on the harmful bacteria that can lead to autoimmunity. xvii

Tongue scraping, another traditional technique, is also beneficial. This can be done with either with a toothbrush or with a tongue scraper and helps to clear excess bacteria from the tongue and removes the buildup of tongue coating, if present. Tongue scraping has been shown to improve periodontal markers and reduce markers of inflammation in the gum tissues. xviii

In Ayurveda, the tongue is a microcosm for the entire G.I. tract, so in that tradition, tongue scraping is believed to provide a gentle stimulation and “internal massage” to all the digestive organs.

 

Testing for and Treating Dysbiosis

Caring for the oral microbiome and preventing dental dysbiosis is important for helping keeping the immune system balanced. If you suspect you might have oral dysbiosis, look for the following clues: bad breath, gingivitis, tooth decay, or other periodontal diseases.

If you are asymptomatic but suffer from autoimmunity, it’s still a good idea to test your oral bacteria. Newer salivary tests for pathogenic bacteria such as P. gingivalis are available from companies like OralDNA and others – but talk to your dentist about whether such a test is right for you. If you do have high levels of potentially deleterious oral bacteria, consider using antimicrobial toothpastes such as Dentalcidin or PerioBiotic to help address the dysbiosis.


i M. Kilian et al., “The Oral Microbiome – An Update for Oral Healthcare Professionals,” British Dental Journal 221 (November 18, 2016): 657-666, https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.bdj.2016.865.

ii Priya Nimish Deo and Revati Deshmukh, “Oral Microbiome: Unveiling the Fundamentals,” Journal of Oral and Maxillofacial Pathology 23, no. 1 (January-April 2019): 122-128, https://doi.org/10.4103/jomfp.JOMFP_304_18. iii Elijah O. Oyetola et al., “Salivary Bacterial Count and its Implications on the Prevalence of Oral Conditions,” The Journal of Contemporary Dental Practice 20, no. 2 (February 1, 2019): 184-189, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31058633/.

iv Carol Perricone et al., “Porphyromonas gingivalis and Rheumatoid Arthritis,” Current Opinion in Rheumatology 31, no. 5 (September 2019): 517-524, https://doi.org/10.1097/BOR.0000000000000638.

v Eduardo Gómez-Bañuelos et al., “Rheumatoid Arthritis-Associated Mechanisms of Porphyromonas gingivalis and Aggregatibacter actinomycetemcomitans,” Journal of Clinical Medicine 8, no. 9 (September 2019): 1309, https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm8091309.

vi Zebunnissa Memon et al., “An Orthodontic Retainer Preventing Remission in Celiac Disease,” Clinical Pediatrics (Philadelphia) 52, no. 11 (November 2013): 1034-1037, https://doi.org/10.1177/0009922813506254.

vii Kazumichi Abe et al., “Gut and Oral Microbiota in Autoimmune Liver Disease,” Fukushima Journal of Medical Science 65, no. 3 (January 9, 2020): 71-75, https://doi.org/10.5387/fms.2019-21.

viii Nikolaos G. Nikitakis, “The Autoimmunity-oral Microbiome Connection,” Oral Diseases 23, no. 7 (October 2017): 828-839, https://doi.org/10.1111/odi.12589.

ix Ashutosh K. Mangalam, Meeta Yadav, and Rjwardhan Yadav, “The Emerging World of Microbiome in Autoimmune Disorders: Opportunities and Challenges,” Indian Journal of Rheumatology 16, no. 1 (March 23, 2021): 57-72, https://doi.org/10.4103/injr.injr_210_20.

x Kilian, “The Oral Microbiome,” 657-666.

xi Shinichi Kuriyama, “The Relation between Green Tea Consumption and Cardiovascular Disease as Evidenced by Epidemiological Studies,” The Journal of Nutrition 138, no. 8 (August 1, 2008): 1548S-1553S, https://doi.org/10.1093/jn/138.8.1548S.

xii Sabu M. Chacko et al., “Beneficial Effects of Green Tea: A Literature Review,” Chinese Medicine 5 (April 6, 2010): 13, https://doi.org/10.1186/1749-8546-5-13.

xiii Xiaojie Yuan et al., “Green Tea Liquid Consumption Alters the Human Intestinal and Oral Microbiome,” Molecular Nutrition & Food Research 62, no. 12 (June 2018): 1800178, https://doi.org/10.1002/mnfr.201800178.

xiv David J. Weiss and Christopher R. Anderton, “Determination of Catechins in Matcha Green Tea by Micellar Electrokinetic Chromatography,” Journal of Chromatography A 1011, no. 1-2 (September 5, 2003): 173-180, https://doi.org/10.1016/s0021-9673(03)01133-6.

xv J. Steinmann et al., “Anti-infective Properties of Epigallocatechin-3-Gallate (EGCG), a Component of Green Tea,” British Journal of Pharmacology 168, no. 5 (March 2013): 1059-1073, https://doi.org/10.1111/bph.12009.

xvi Parth Lodhia et al., “Effect of Green Tea on Volatile Sulfur Compounds in Mouth Air,” Journal of Nutritional Science and Vitaminology (Tokyo) 54, no. 1 (February 2008): 89-94, https://doi.org/10.3177/jnsv.54.89.

xvii Oghenekome Gbinigie et al., “Effect of Oil Pulling in Promoting Oro Dental Hygiene: A Systematic Review of Randomized Clinical Trials,” Complementary Therapies in Medicine 26 (June 2016): 47-54, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ctim.2016.02.011.

xviii Buket Acar et al., “Effects of Oral Prophylaxis Including Tongue Cleaning on Halitosis and Gingival Inflammation in Gingivitis Patients: A Randomized Controlled Clinical Trial,” Clinical Oral Investigations 23, no. 4 (April 2019): 1829-1836, https://doi.org/10.1007/s00784-018-2617-5.

Share this
24 Dec

Ninja Barbie, a Shield to protect and overcome Pain!

How many of us have experienced pain in our lives? I dare say all of us! The pain of being excluded, the shame of rejection… those negative emotional barbs that we get handed by people throughout our journey (their pain and judgment). I am a transformation and performance coach, and to do my work, I needed to transform so I could walk the talk; I had to get to know my Ninja Barbie. The shield I had created to keep me safe to help me overcome my pain, that fierce inner warrior that would forge the way for me and help me survive another day!

As I started really understanding me, I realized that I was suffering from intense disconnection and separation from others. You see, in my story, I was “shamed” because of my divorce, my religion, my color, and my actions as a young child. For me to show up for my life, I built a resilience armour that would carry me through the most challenging times toward creating the life I have today. That shield is so aptly named Ninja Barbie.

The Gift of my Ninja Barbie

When I was in Ninja Barbie mode, I could get out of an emotional place and power forward. I could separate my home life (where I was in huge amounts of pain) and focus on my work life. My career was where I excelled, which made me feel worthy, fuelled my confidence, and provided what I needed to take care of my daughter and son. At work, I could channel my survival mode into focus; I was incredibly driven and learnt what I needed to avoid negative feedback, shaming or blame. I was living in a state of adrenalin. I was feeding off my stress hormone, which again fuelled my journey and career trajectory. Am I grateful for the Ninja Barbie protection that carried me and at times still slips into place? YES, I am for the following reasons:

  1. Helping me navigate the most painful period of my life
  2. Giving me the courage to RISE and face another day when all I wanted to do was lie down and not get up
  3. The determination to achieve my goals and more
  4. The ability to move through judgement and fear to survive and make a life for my children and me
  5. To carry my pain in a way that kept me moving forward.

Could the Ninja Barbie stay in place? The answer is NO. You see, the armour of my Ninja Barbie was slowly suffocating who I really am. I was surviving from day to day; I was not thriving. I was alone in a world filled with people. My pain seemed to be locked into my armour, and I was wearing it bravely, yet it was too heavy. I was starting to suffer mentally because living in a state of proving and scarcity is not a place of abundance and full potential; it’s not a place of joy and freedom. Living in my Ninja barbie was a place filled with anxiety, stress, and rigidity.

Taking off My Ninja Barbie; Releasing my Pain, Embracing my Freedom

I don’t believe it’s easy to lay down our armour when we have used it to stay safe for so long. Recently in a coaching session, I had a client ask me if she could use her sword in the “Arena.”(Where we show up and are seen for who we are) to protect herself. You see, we had been working on her transformation and her ability to be seen, be free and be herself. I shared with her that staying safe was something we needed to give ourselves through love and presence. When I am deeply connected with myself, my feelings, and my essence, I can recognise that interactions with others can be in the space of openness, honesty, generosity, and curiosity. My deep love for me first keeps me safe and allows me to empathise and connect with others. I can have the courage to communicate boundaries, accountability and also clarity. Why take off the armour?

  1. Under the armour, you are not able to connect with your emotions in a healthy way; you will struggle with love for yourself and love for others.
  2. Your armour will be a heavy weight to carry; it is forged with your shame and fear stories, and it is a hard exterior that can eventually take you into a very dark place.
  3. You will struggle to enjoy the feeling of deep human connection, trust, friendships, and love (our armour always makes things conditional!).
  4. You will struggle to be the ME you want to be because your armour will take you down coping behaviours that are never good for your mental and physical health.

Taking the armour off, ONE story at a time, Choosing YOU!

When I first realised my armour hampered me, I was stuck in a strange place. Am I not choosing ME by wearing my armour?  I think that is what we tell ourselves when we come from a place of fear and protection. Choosing me means taking power away from my armour; I choose to live to unlock my potential. I choose to really get to know ME and forgive me, accept my story, and connect with love.

How do we start?

  1. Remember who you really are, not the Ninja Barbie armour that has been your shield for so long.
  2. Understand your story, walk through it with love, honour your courage and love yourself deeply.
  3. Learn to be present and to disconnect the fear switch that triggers your armour. (I always imagine my armour activating like in the movie Transformers!)
  4. Trust that your inner self can navigate you through challenges.

Living a life of freedom to be you is worth it! I chose ME, and I am living a life of peace, love, and thriving, not simply surviving!

BIOGRAPHY

Christina E. Foxwell is the founder of Ignite Purpose where, over the past decade, she has supported leaders in their navigation of their teams and helped people find their purpose and flow. This has led to her supporting them in their own life-changing journeys to follow their passions, transform their lives, and grow into the people they were always meant to be. The modalities she uses in her work are: CBT, ACT, Mental Fitness, Performance Science, Behavioral Profiling, and Positive Intelligence.

With over 20 years of experience in HR, recruitment, consulting, training, coaching and executive leadership, Foxwell he has been on two global executive teams, and led a sales consulting team in Africa, Australia and New Zealand. Now, after realizing there was a missed opportunity in people and organizations, and the gap between people and performance, she coaches executive teams, CEOs, leaders and their team to develop their growth and impact their cultures and performance.
Foxwell is the author of four books. Her first two works are children’s books on emotional intelligence, The Adventures of Oscar the Pufferfish: Owning my “pop” and The Story of Astra the Unicorn Finding Her Belonging. Grow Me is a guide to growth. Her latest book, The Glass Angel, is a powerful look into transformation change and perseverance.

Her life’s journey began in Port Elizabeth, South Africa and ultimately landed her in Sydney, Australia. The road to where she is now was paved with hardships and turmoil. She experienced domestic violence, PTSD, and divorce before she found a path to healing and building a life of gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

In addition to her work, she also has many other passions including, painting, writing, teaching, coaching, and spending time with her family. Her most important roles are wife, mother, daughter, and grandmother of one.

Share this
01 Oct

Calibrating Yourself to Oneness by Lee Harris

An Excerpt from Conversations with the Z’s, Book One by Lee Harris

 

Energy Intuitive Lee Harris has been receiving communication from his guides, the Z’s, for 24 years. These communications have allowed him to help hundreds of thousands around the world through his events, books, podcast, and monthly  “Energy Update” video forecasts.

 

Lee’s new book Conversations with the Z’s, Book One: The Energetics of the New Human Soul, offers a truly unique way of sharing the Z’s wisdom by channeling in conversation with psychotherapist Dianna Edwards, who describes her work as “listening to hear.” The questions Dianna asks allow for a crystal clear exploration of Lee’s method and a beautifully contemporary way of encountering and absorbing the wisdom transmitted from the Z’s.

 

We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

 

# # #

 

Calibrating yourself to oneness reconnects you to everything. And we will tell you this: at the root of everything in your life — everything that you are working for, trying to overcome, trying to become — it is all about connection. Because to be alive as a human and to be enjoying your life, you feel connected. Now, think about the moments and the times in your life when you feel deep connection. Why is romantic love so heady to you? Because it creates a rush in the body, particularly in those early months, when you are calibrating yourself to another being who is helping you become more of yourself, who is helping you allow love through your system in an all-new way. That is a rush because you are deepening your experience of connection and you are doing it from the heart. So, everything you do in life is seeking or serving connection.

 

Now you may say, “Well, what about that time I spent sabotaging myself for three years?” Well, you were trying to shed some of the toxic dynamics and relationships that you either had imbibed in this life or came in with as a soul imprint to overcome so that you could then help others through them. And you were desperately trying to connect with the light through repetitively connecting with the dark, until you got to the point when you realized that connecting with the dark over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again hurts. It hurt you. And it put you at great risk, not just to your physical body, but to your soul. If the light goes out in your soul, there is no game left to play. The game is over then for a human being.

 

Why we are speaking to you about all of this is because connection is your driving force. Even if you think you are doing some very silly things in your life right now, if you really stop and wonder why you are doing them, you might find that what you are trying to connect with is a different way. But the only way you will connect with that different way is by making your repetitive habit so bad and feel so awful to you that the only way to go next is in the completely opposite direction. But in doing it repetitively, you are also trying to shed, clear, and detox energies that have been around you for perhaps many years, and it is now time to be done with them once and for all.

Connection is your driving force. Oneness is a place where connection always exists.

 

When you are living in a state of oneness, you can feel your connection to everything. This is why we want to remind all of you that no matter how much you are needed by your family, your children, other loved ones, or some emergency that you have going on in your life right now — and no matter whether you are wanting to give as much energy, time, and connection as possible to a person or a group you are looking after — you wither as a soul if you don’t also connect to what is important to you. You connecting to what is uniquely important to you is vital because then your life force grows. And when your life force grows, you have far more life force to give to others.

 

Even those of you who have a very tough job in your life right now — perhaps you are a caretaker, perhaps you are going through a health crisis with a loved one and it is very difficult on you and your family — it is vital that you take some time that is just for you, even if only for five or ten minutes a day. That means stepping away from all the relationships, all the duties, all the responsibilities, and doing something that lights you up from the inside. Perhaps it might be writing some words like “What does my soul want to tell me today?” and seeing what comes through. Perhaps it might be listening to a song that you love that moves through your body and unlocks emotions and thoughts, and frees you up from the inside. Because remember, music is an alchemical energy that you imbibe. It is no different from homeopathy. Music is an energetic healer, and it moves through your body from head to toe and it unlocks different parts of you. It is very soothing. So, find the music that works for you. Find out if dancing in your living room works for you. Find that friend who you can call for five, ten minutes, who is going to reconnect you to the light.

 

These are tumultuous times on Earth, yes. But they are tumultuous on the lower dimensions. The higher dimensions are coming in higher than ever. And it is going to be your path to connect with them more than you ever have before. And then, in the case of most of you reading this, you will become a powerful conduit for those energies on Earth.

 

# # #

Lee Harris is the author of Conversations with the Z’s, Book One and Energy Speaks. A gifted energy intuitive and channeler, he leads a vibrant online community that reaches hundreds of thousands of people every month. His acclaimed online events, members community The Portal, and top 50 spirituality podcast Impact the World are adventures into the deepest aspects of living, loving, and awakening. Visit him online at http://www.LeeHarrisEnergy.com.

Excerpted from the book from Conversations with the Z’s, Book One: The Energetics of the New Human Soul. Copyright ©2022 by Lee Harris. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

Share this
20 Oct

Transformation through Bereavement

An Excerpt from Extraordinary Awakenings by Steve Taylor

 

A famous story in Buddhism is the parable of the mustard seeds. A young woman named Kisa Gotami was grieving the death of her baby son. She carried his body from house to house, pleading for some medicine to bring him back to life. One of her neighbors advised her to go see the Buddha, who asked her to bring him a handful of mustard seeds. The only condition was that, in the Buddha’s words, “The mustard seeds must be taken from a house where no one has lost a child, husband, parent, or friend.”

 

Kisa Gotami returned to her village and went from house to house again. But of course, she was unable to collect any mustard seeds, since every family had suffered a bereavement. By the end of the day, the mother realized the impermanence of life and the inevitability of death. As the Buddha expressed it, “The life of mortals in this world is troubled and brief and combined with pain. For there is not any means by which those that have been born can avoid dying…Not from weeping nor from grieving will anyone obtain peace of mind; on the contrary, his pain will be the greater and his body will suffer.”

 

This parable is so powerful not just because it illustrates the universality of death and bereavement but also because it suggests their transformational effects. Kisa Gotami’s acceptance of death transformed her perspective on life. According to the parable, she became a disciple of the Buddha and was his first female follower to attain enlightenment.

 

Bereavement is the most common type of severe trauma that human beings experience. Most of us have never experienced the trauma of combat or imprisonment, but — as the parable reminds us — every single one of us has experienced the trauma of bereavement. (If you are young this might not be the case, but not for long.) When people die in old age, it seems natural and right. It may even seem like a blessing, if a person has become severely ill or mentally impaired. But when people die before their time, particularly in childhood, it seems incredibly tragic and unjust. Understandably, some people may never recover from the grief of their bereavement and spend the rest of their lives in a state of depression and trauma.

Post-traumatic Growth and Bereavement

Precisely because bereavement is such a traumatic experience, it holds enormous spiritual potential. When a person close to us dies, everything changes radically. Our seemingly stable and orderly lives are thrown into disarray, as if a tidal wave has swept through and washed away every structure. Suddenly the world seems an unfamiliar place, pervaded by emptiness and loss. Our seemingly stable sense of self is broken down. We are no longer sure of who we are, since our identity was bound up with the person we have lost. All our beliefs, hopes, and ambitions seem meaningless and dissolve away.

 

And it’s because bereavement has such a dramatic and powerful effect that, like imprisonment, it is so closely associated with spiritual transformation. We have already seen — for example, in the cases of Adrian Troy and Ed Little in the last chapter — that acceptance is an important factor in Transformation through Turmoil (TTT). Understandably, many people find the death of loved ones difficult to accept and adjust to (particularly in cases of tragic early death) and so don’t move beyond grief into growth and transformation. But when people do acknowledge and accept the death of a loved one, the transformational effect is usually very powerful.

 

When psychologists began to research post-traumatic growth (PTG) in the late 1980s, they quickly recognized that bereavement is one of its most significant sources. In one of the first studies of PTG in 1986, the psychologist Stephen Shuchter studied a group of widows and widowers who had lost their partners about two years earlier. Most of them felt that they could see life from a wider perspective, that they were less affected by trivial worries and more appreciative of important things. They felt that they had become more sensitive, more self-reliant, more open, and more spiritual in their everyday lives. Similarly, in a 1998 study of 312 people who had lost loved ones about a year previously, psychologists found that around a third of the group felt more mature and confident in their lives and that they had better communication skills and improved relationships.

 

Research has shown that these benefits can occur even with the most tragic of deaths, including the loss of children. In a study of bereaved parents, the psychologist Dennis Klass found that, following a period of adjustment and acceptance, many of them felt that their lives had become more authentic and meaningful. Some described a process of spiritual transformation, with an awareness of “connections with that which transcended the physical and biological world, and with their perception of an underlying order in the world.” Similarly, in 2002 psychologists studied a group of parents whose children had been murdered. Even in these terrible circumstances, the researchers found that for some people the bereavement had led to profound personal growth, with increased self-reliance, compassion, and inner strength, along with a greater appreciation of life.

 

# # #

 

Steve Taylor, PhD, is the author of Extraordinary Awakenings and many other bestselling books. He’s senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University and the chair of the Transpersonal Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society. Steve’s articles and essays have been published in over 100 academic journals, magazines, and newspapers and he blogs for Scientific American and Psychology Today. Visit him online at www.StevenMTaylor.com.

 

Adapted from the book from Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation. Copyright ©2021 by Steve Taylor. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

Share this
30 Apr

Are You Willing to Choose Peace?

An Excerpt from The Full Spirit Workout by Kate Eckman

A friend recently said to me, “I just want to feel at peace.”

“I understand,” I said. “That is the ultimate goal for all of us. Are you willing to choose peace?”

“Yes,” she said. Then I saw her eyes light up, like, Wow, that was easy!

And it is that easy. If you want love, choose to be in love, starting with yourself. I believe if peace and love are what we truly want, we will choose peace and love. Oftentimes, we think we want them but are still stuck in past wounds that make us feel more at home and “safe” in chaos, lack, and trauma. But just like we can decide to be willing to stretch before a workout because we know it will make us perform better and avoid injury, we can be willing to choose thoughts that empower us to get out of our comfort zone. That leads us into the life that’s waiting for us to claim it — a life where we get to live in our divine perfection.

I don’t think you have to move to a different city, change careers, start a new relationship, adopt a new workout routine, or go vegan to stretch your comfort zone, although I highly recommend all of that. It can be as simple (not easy, mind you, but simple) as choosing to look in the mirror and notice something you love about your body rather than thinking, Gosh, I’m looking older or Ugh, I have stomach rolls.

Say to yourself, I am willing to feel love, peace, and joy, instead of this. Make that a daily practice, and I promise you will start to think, look, feel, and be your most glorious self.

When we stretch our comfort zones, we automatically get to discover our greatness, our highest self. We find our true essence and desires, naturally attracting what lights us up and gives our lives meaning and purpose. Simply put, it is healing to stretch. And when we are willing to stretch, the universe responds to even our slightest invitation to assist us in our efforts. We are never alone. We are always cocreating.

If you’ve ever started a new business or family, I’m guessing it wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t painless. (If you are a parent, you are my own personal hero!) But I’ll bet that allowing yourself to expand your personal boundaries and devote your most precious resource — time — to your cherished new venture opened up the space you needed to take on this exciting challenge.

When I recently took on a new project outside my comfort zone, I was able to keep taking steps forward because I first allowed myself to experience my heavy feelings and cry to a supportive friend. My tears washed the space clear for me to express myself. I’m learning that one of the worst things we can do is to pretend uncomfortable feelings like worry, stress, sadness, fear, and discomfort don’t exist — or that we’re somehow too precious, too positive, or too evolved to feel something other than pleasant feelings. When we are in that place of loneliness, fear, sadness, and discomfort, it’s important not to try to jump right to gratitude or “positivity.” Sometimes crying and acknowledging how much things suck, or how heavy our feelings weigh on us, put us on the fast train to returning home to ourselves, where appreciation and gratitude occur naturally. This certainty offers me peace, just as it did during that uncertain time.

The period of forced isolation we all experienced during the pandemic was a deep stretch for all of us, and while seclusion could feel uncomfortable, I also noticed benefits. For example, many of us learned, or relearned, how little we really need. It helped me remember to be more simple and minimal in my day-to-day living. We also had more time to reflect on and challenge old ways of thinking — giving us spiritual fitness workouts. I brainstormed new ways to help clients and, in turn, myself. I saw old problems in a new light and was able to devote energy to discovering new ways of being because, quite simply, why not?

And just like physical exercise has cumulative effects over time, so does spiritual fitness. Once we start stepping out of our comfort zone, it gets easier. We become more and more comfortable with our own discomfort. Awesome, right?

 

# # #

 

Kate Eckman is the author of The Full Spirit Workout and a Columbia University–certified executive leadership coach. She leverages her experience as a well-known communications, performance, and mindfulness expert, accomplished entrepreneur, and elite athlete to equip leaders with the tools, methodology, and energetic boost they need to excel. Visit her online at http://www.kateeckman.tv.

 

Excerpted from the book from The Full Spirit Workout. Copyright ©2021 by Kate Eckman. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

Share this
30 Apr

Claiming Your Gifts as an Empath

An Excerpt from Becoming an Empowered Empath by Wendy DeRosa

 

Do you feel other people’s energy — whether they are stressed, anxious, angry, or in need? You may even sense that you absorb their energy. When you enter a room, you can pick up on the energy present, how people are feeling, or what might be happening. You’re likely sensitive to what’s occurring around you — including injustice, political divisions, the effects of climate change, the danger of extinction of animals, and more — and to the pain of others in your community and in our world. You also sense the powerful energies that are emerging to bring about change.

This is the experience of living as an empath, a person who is highly sensitive and, as a result, feels and absorbs other people’s energy, emotions, and even physical symptoms. Empaths experience their world through their intuition and a felt sense of people and situations. They might not be able to define why they feel the way they do, but they sense that they are impacted by other people’s energy.

Empathy has become a popular topic recently, much of it inspired by the work of researcher and author Brené Brown. Empathy is a person’s capacity to understand or relate to what another person is experiencing. Brown describes empathy as a skill that can bring people together and make them feel included.

While it is natural to feel the energy around you and to connect with other people’s emotions, problems arise when you absorb these energies or take on these emotions as your own. You can likely recall an experience when you moved from attentive listening (hearing how someone is feeling about an experience) to taking on someone else’s experience (feeling it as if it were happening to you). People generally love talking to empaths because of this. They feel so much better and describe themselves as “relieved” afterward. That’s because the empath in their life just took on dealing with their problems for them!

Problems arise from being overly empathic. This experience of taking on the feelings and experiences of another person as your own can be described as “merging” with another person. It is helpful to imagine empathic nature on a spectrum: on one end, empathy and understanding operate with detachment, and on the other, being empathic and intuitive leads to merging.

For empaths, merging occurs because they are not fully present, or “inhabiting,” their own energy body — particularly the lower body and lower chakras, energetic centers within the body. (When I refer to “energy” or “energy body,” I am referring to the energetic field that is in and around your physical body. In the next chapter, we’ll discuss in detail the subtle energy body and the chakras and how they relate to our empathic intuition.) Not being fully present in your lower body area leaves a vacancy for other people’s energy to take over. Some of the physical and emotional symptoms of taking on other people’s energy include stress, agitation, depletion, and feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. Depression, digestive issues, migraines, allergies, and other physical illnesses may also manifest. This pattern of taking on other people’s energy often starts in childhood, before one learns to maintain emotional or energetic boundaries. Perhaps as a child you were told that you were “too sensitive”? (And maybe you still hear this today?) You may have learned to take on other people’s energy as a way to help them or to calm them down. In fact, you likely developed this impulse to merge with others as a way to seek love and intimacy and to keep yourself safe.

Being overly empathic is common when a child is raised in a household with unclear boundaries, projected emotions, suppression of self, or no feeling of safety or belonging. Children learn to survive by prioritizing other people’s needs and energy while disconnecting from their self and their own needs.

These survival and coping mechanisms take root in the first chakra area of the body and, once formed, create energetic imprints in your body that can lead to unhealthy patterns in a number of areas in your life — your health, your relationships, your work, and more. Largely unconscious, this response becomes ingrained as a default setting, influencing your worldview and how you interact with family, friends, and coworkers. You may not intend to absorb the energy around you, but your subtle energy body is responding in the only way it knows to keep you safe. In addition, Western culture often views sensitivity as a weakness or a liability, so as children we’re taught to avoid, dismiss, or suppress our feelings and needs, ultimately invalidating our intuitive sense. This causes us to disconnect from ourselves and our inner guidance and creates a lack of trust in our instincts and intuition. The disconnection is not just mental, emotional, or energetic; it is spiritual as well, sometimes referred to as being disconnected from one’s Soul.

Though you may have tried different methods to heal these patterns — perhaps therapy, workshops, self-help books, or various spiritual practices — you likely found that these tools alone were not enough to shift lifelong patterns or to help you set and hold healthy boundaries.

To stop taking on other people’s energy requires not just an understanding of your physical body and symptoms but also an understanding of your energetic body. The lower chakras are the main power centers in the energetic anatomy. They house the primary conditioning for every human being’s survival imprints, coping mechanisms, personality traits, and personal power. They are responsible for how you relate to yourself, others, and the world. A “reparenting” of the lower chakras (nurturing yourself and inhabiting your energy body) will help you shift from being overly sensitive to empowered.

These lower chakras are closely tied to the empathic power of intuition, feeling, and self-expression. Throughout Western culture and history, these aspects have been subjected to collective and societal shaming. The shaming of sensitivity, vulnerability, truth, emotions, and creativity has limited the power of our true selves, causing us to suppress our true feelings, true voice, true being, and true sense of belonging.

Empaths need not be victims to the world around them. I know it can seem that way when you are feeling everyone’s energy, but when you feel triggered by another individual’s energy, think of it as an opportunity to address the deeper layers within you that need to be seen, healed, and brought into alignment. The good news is that empaths are awakening and learning about their empathic nature so they can heal their early-life wounds and fully express their gifts.

Your gift as an empath is that you feel what’s true. You are connected to the subtle and can see beneath the layers. By expanding your capacity to embody your empathic gifts, you become uniquely equipped to show others how to experience their authentic feelings and help heal the planet. This is a critical step at this time: we need empowered empaths who can give voice to what is unspoken, bring to light what is hidden, and heal what is suppressed.

With the proper framework, empaths can transform the effects of their past and come to understand the true nature of their empathic power. You will finally be able to show up with your gifts in your relationships, work, and other parts of your life. You will find that it’s possible to feel nourished and to thrive as an empowered empath. You will be able to restore your energetic boundaries and align with your true light and power. This is a most profound experience of self-love and is essential for establishing an uncompromising and loving connection with yourself, regardless of external circumstances or challenges and throughout your daily activities and interactions with others.

 

It is time to fully express and embody your empathic intuition and power.

 

# # #

 

Wendy De Rosa is the author of Becoming an Empowered Empath. The founder of The School of Intuitive Studies, she has been helping people develop intuition and experience personal transformation for over two decades. Visit her online at http://www.SchoolOfIntuitiveStudies.com.

 

Excerpted from the book from Becoming an Empowered Empath. Copyright ©2021 by Wendy De Rosa. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

 

 

 

Share this