29 Jun

Levity About Gravity

Lissa Coffey

Lissa Coffey

Lissa Coffey

We’re all susceptible to the laws of nature. As we get older, those laws may work against us as much as for us. Recently I discovered how mysterious the law of gravity can be. I went to bed with a headache and woke up with a stomach ache.

Entire corporations depend on the law of gravity to keep their business afloat, so to speak. Cosmetic companies prey on our fear of visible aging by enticing us with their scientific formulas that make these fancy creams and lotions sound so necessary to our health and well-being. They think they can fool us by putting a wrinkle-free young model in their ads. Although we know she’s probably not old enough to babysit our kids, we buy the products anyway, just in case.

Alpha hydroxy, tretinoin, ethacyn, collagen, vitamin E… every day there’s something new on the market to help us fight the battle against the law of gravity. There’s no price we won’t pay to keep those wrinkles away. But why does this gravity war have to be fought in pricey department stores? Where are our comrades when we need help battling the credit card companies? It’s bad enough that I justify the expense by putting it in my family budget under “household maintenance.”

To further complicate the issue, the law of gravity doesn’t stop at the face. We must also be armed with neck cream, breast cream, body cream, and thigh cream. Those super-serious about the cause invest in anti-cellulite massagers and soaps. What’s the point of having a beautifully toned face if you turn around to reveal a sagging butt?

So then you have to get the exercise bike and stair master thing, with every intention of actually using them. Another industry now thrives on the threat of the law of gravity. Add to that list Victoria Principal and a slew of infomercial people. Extremists go the plastic surgery route, contributing to the population of overpaid doctors.

Should we give up on all this foolishness? We can’t. It’s gone too far. The American economy would collapse. Since the day Newton’s apple fell to the ground we’ve set ourselves on this course. Our only real hope is to make gravity our friend.

With our feet firmly planted on the ground, we must recognize that the law of gravity is not so bad after all. It’s actually the law of cause and effect that has us in a tizzy! Either way, we’ll just slather on the moisturizers and smile a sympathetic, wise smile when that young model in the ad develops her first wrinkle. Loyal cosmetics customers are converted every day.

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