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Jack

Question

Hi! Lissa,

I am 46 dating a 31 year old women…very intelligent etc..but has depression problems…on pills. She felt in love with me ( me highly political and social, sucessful businessman), she ( no job, daddys money, stays home, very limited no quality friends, shopping and Tv and gossips).  Relationship, chemestry is perfect.  After several months she started complaining of my lifestyles that included events, galas, art and cultural events etc…so I cut back. She wanted to marry me, have kids, looked for houses and rings..etc…   After several months of dating she got pregnant. She chose abortion and blamed the weak foundation of relationship. All of a sudden blamed age difference but most importantly blamed the lifestyle differences for break up. I am SHOCKED !!  I took her to joint therapy to survive the relationship and it was concluded that we had differenet lifestyle. Her mother told her that she is afraid of committment and she fought with her monther and is very stubborn. I have tried everything and I am tired. How can this amazaing relationship going so smooth be broken >> makes no sense ??  She states she does not like any of my friends, any of my events and venues including world class events, galas, etc… I said why dont you choose weekend plans and events and your friends to mingle but she has none. So I spent time alone with her and she says its boring.

I dont know whats going on but its driving me crazy !! She is on Effexor and at times pops Klonopin at night when she is stressed. I have been a PERFECT gentleman and she originally blamed abortion for the fallout which was her choice while I was willing to keep the baby and marry her. But I supported her decisions as she said she was catholic and it did not feel right. Now she broke up with me and I am confused and lost.

She still calls me and wanst to stay in touch but its torturous this way…time and space has not made her realize anything or made her grow up to be responsible towards me. She is in therapy but complains to the therapist that she is not sure if I am the guy she wants to committ to although she loves me and misses me and blames abortion as the reason that the foundation of this relationship was bad…meaning my lifestyle and a liitle bit of my age difference..  I am a very hard working good looking handsome sucessfull businessman who has no issues finding good women who are always chasing me and she knows that but then why the hell is she treating me this way and what should I do ??

I told her that lets take this break so that she can figure out her life and issues and until then we dont speak…but she gives up every 4-5 days. I am thinking of not to answe her calls and give her tough love.

PLEASE ADVISE ….Appreciated !!

 

Answer

What should you do?  You know what you should do.  This is a broke, dysfunctional, sucking you dry relationship.  It’s not going to get any better.  I have a hard time believing the relationship was ever “smooth” – it sounds so one sided.  There is nothing this woman can offer you.  She can’t take care of herself and her own stuff – so it will not be a balanced, loving relationship. Cut all ties, because if you don’t, this woman will continue to contact you.  And that’s the last thing you need.

My advice is find someone closer to your age, who has a job, who has friends, who has some interests, where you can enjoy each others’ company and really have a meaningful relationship.  

You’re not happy – but for some reason you feel guilty, and I think you need someone’s permission, someone to tell you it’s ok to go your own way.  Well, you have my permission!

 

Good luck!

Love,

Lissa