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22 Jul

Relationship Altars

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate LOVE!  One way to do that is with a Relationship Altar.  Altars are in important feature used in Dosha Design.  A Relationship Altar can be used to enhance the relationship that you’re in, or to draw to you the relationship you desire.  An altar is a beautiful addition to any room, and helps to focus our intentions.  Some tips for creating your relationship altar:
-Include representations of each of the five elements (air, space, fire, water, and earth)
-Include the colors yellow and blue.
-Include an offering tray, with personal and meaningful items.
-Include items in pairs: two fish, two birds, two hearts – these are all symbolic of successful relationships.
-Include items which represent love to you:  photographs, flowers, hearts.
-Activate your altar by lighting a candle or incense on the altar.  Ring a bell to purify the energy in the environment and focus the mind on the present moment.
-Spend some time each day in front of your altar meditating or simply lighting the candle and giving attention to your intention.

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22 Jul

Dosha Design tips!

1.  De-clutter!  You will feel much more comfortable, and your guests will feel much more at ease, in a room that is clean and clear.  This means basically:  put the “stuff” away!  Invest in a closer organizer and use it.  For good Feng Shui, keep closet doors closed.

2.  Think of a purpose for each room.  A living room is for living, socializing, entertaining.  Make sure you have the space set up for that.  Set aside areas for conversation, with tables nearby for drinks and snacks.  For maximum efficiency and comfort, a coffee table should be placed 18 inches from the couch or chair.

3.  Use color.  A well designed room will have one or two dominant colors and an accent color.  A room with too many colors will be confusing and make you feel unsettled.  A monochromatic room will feel dull and boring.

4.  Use artwork.  Artwork adds a lot of color and personality to a room.  And it doesn’t have to be expensive!  You can frame a favorite poster, or create your own masterpiece with canvas and paint.

5.  Plants add a lot of life to the room.  Live plants are great because they help to keep the air fresh.  But if you’re prone to killing plants, you might choose the ease of a silk plant or flower arrangement instead.  When it gets dusty, simply rinse off and allow to dry in the sun.

6.  Keep framed photos of friends and family.  This helps to remind us of what is important in life, our relationships!  A group of pictures displayed on a table makes for a great conversation piece.  Choose complementary, rather than matching, frames to add visual interest.

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08 Dec

Ancient Design for Modern Times

Can moving around some furniture really change your life? Absolutely! According to the ancient Asian sages, there are three main factors that influence our lives and our path to success. The first is our birth date, time and place. From this information our astrological chart is configured, and we can see the affect of the stars and planets. The second is our heritage, our family tree. Because of genetics and DNA, we basically inherit some of the traits in our lineage. The third factor is our environment, the space in which we live and work. Since there is really nothing we can do about changing our birthday or our family, it makes sense that we would pay attention to our environment and look for ways that we can use it to create success for ourselves. Vastu is India’s 5,000 year old science of architecture and placement. It is from these ancient design principles that Feng Shui evolved. Vastu explains that by aligning with the five natural elements (space, air, fire, water and earth) we can bring harmony and abundance to our home, our office, and our life. This is a very holistic approach. When we enter a space and immediately feel comfortable, there’s a reason for it: the beneficial energies are working to support the purpose of the space. Modern architecture tends to focus on the functionality and practicality of a space and sometimes nature gets set aside. But we can use Vastu to help bring balance back into the picture. Here are a few tips: -Clutter creates stress. Use screens, cabinets and closets to keep things organized, or at least hidden away from view. -Keep a clear path in a room from the door to the most used pieces of furniture. -Do not use too many colors in any one room. Use tints and shades of just a few colors instead. -Incorporate natural materials into your structure wherever possible: wood, cotton, stone, glass, and cork, for example.

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28 May

How Does Your Garden Grow

Children are fascinated by nature, they’re drawn to it. Why? Because that is where we come from, that is who we are – and parents can learn from that! Too often we feel disconnected with nature – we’re plugged into our computers and voice mail systems, and may not get to see the sunshine for days at a time! Enough of that… there are lots of ways that kids and parents can be true to our own nature, and appreciate the beauty of nature all around us.

We all share this planet, and we are all connected. It is wonderful to teach kids to appreciate nature, and to appreciate each other.

Many children’s stories feature animals in the lead roles. When you read to your child, this is a good time to talk about how important animals are to us, and how intelligent animals are because they are true to their own nature. Pose questions like: How do they know how to do the things they do? The same way that we know to be kind and loving, and help other people, it’s our nature.

In the story of Ferdinand the Bull, by Munro Leaf, Ferdinand loved to sit quietly and smell the flowers. He was not “bullied” into fighting like the other bulls, he was just himself, he was true to his nature.

If you have pets, you can look at their behavior as an example. Cats live in the present moment. They’re not fretting about the past or worrying about the future. That’s a good lesson that they can teach us!

Activities:
Gardening, of course. Telescopes to look at the stars. Recycling. Trips to farms, ranches, forests, the beach. Visiting or volunteering at an animal shelter. Take a cue from what interests your child and head in that direction: whales, monkeys, exotic flowers, pine trees, insects, planets, wolves, whatever it happens to be… “nature” covers a lot of territory!

At the Santa Barbara zoo, there is a program called “Foster Feeders” where you can “adopt” an animal for the price of food for one year. I adopted two fruit bats for my sons one year, they named them (Donatello and Raphael after
the Ninja Turtles, you can tell we’ve had them a long time now!), and we go and visit them on weekends. They have learned a lot about bats and their contribution to nature, and have been able to pass this knowledge on to their
classmates!

Some teachers have pooled class money and adopted animals as a class project. The larger the animal, the more it costs generally, depending on what they eat. Lions cost more than elephants! The class studies the animal, and the teacher works the lessons in to other subjects, art, geography, science, etc. It’s all connected!

 

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28 May

Vastu – Harmonious Home Decor Tips from Ancient India!

Just as we have relationships with other people, we also have a relationship with our environment. We are all connected to each other and to the universe at the same time. Our environments are an extension of ourselves, and we feel better and function more efficiently when we are in harmony with our environment. When your house is in order, the “outer” part of yourself, then you can focus your attention to your inner world. The spiritual journey really is an exploration of both the inner and the outer.

Ayurveda comes from the Vedic texts of India. In this same philosophy, there is a “science of architecture” known as vastu. The word vastu means “a dwelling or site.” Vastu is a blend of science and spirituality that gives us guidelines for enhancing our environments so we can create a space where we can live and work happily and productively. When we are happy with where we spend our time, our relationships with the people we spend our time with will be better, too!

Vastu has actually been around a lot longer than feng shui, and is believed to be the inspiration for it.

Both Ayurveda and vastu are based on the idea that the five elements (air, space, fire, water, and earth) are within us and all around us. In Vedic symbolism, the square represents the cosmos; it is the perfect form.

Nature
To be more in tune with nature and its intelligence, bring nature indoors wherever possible. Besides plants and trees, items that are made naturally are also recommended. For example, clay pots, cotton rugs, woven baskets, shells, and fresh flowers all help to remind us of our connection with nature. Desktop fountains help to bring in the element of water. Scented candles bring in the element of fire. Open some windows in the morning to let in fresh air.

Quiet Space
It’s always nice to have an area set aside in your home for quiet and meditation. In India, these are called “Puja” rooms, or prayer rooms. This is a place where you can just relax and find inner peace. Additionally, within each room of your home, it is good to have a small area set aside to remind you of your connection with the Divine. This can be a shelf filled with figurines or spiritual sayings, an altar, or a special painting. Use whatever it is that is meaningful for you.

Clutter
Clutter in your environment creates clutter in your mind. You can’t think as clearly or function as efficiently as you could in an orderly environment. Vastu recommends that clutter be kept to a minimum. Closet doors and bathroom doors should remain closed at all times. Keep drawers and cupboards closed as well to avoid a feeling of clutter. Keep hallways clear so you can move about freely.

Books
Books represent knowledge and are a wonderful addition to the home. Keep books neatly arranged, and honor their presence. When books are accessible and easy to find, they are more likely to be read.

Family
Photographs of family help to personalize your space. Displaying pictures that remind you of loved ones and happy memories will bring good energy to a room. Artwork that your children make for you is also good to have around.

Products
Rather than using chemicals, which contain toxins or unpleasant odors, vastu recommends that we use natural products to clean our environments and our bodies. Clothing made of natural fabrics is better for our skin than synthetic blends. Wonderful organic products for the bathroom, such as lotions, scrubs, and oils, are now readily available

Aromatherapy, balancing fragrances:
Vata

  • vanilla
  • orange
  • lavender
  • pine

Pitta

  • rose
  • jasmine
  • sandalwood
  • peppermint

Kapha

  • cinnamon
  • basil
  • eucalyptus
  • musk

Outdoors
Create a space where you can sit outdoors and enjoy nature. Get a comfortable chair where you can relax in the evening air after a long day at work. Hang a bird feeder outside your kitchen window. Plant flowers that attract butterflies and other wildlife. Start an herb garden that you can use when cooking. Put a pool, pond, or fountain in the northeast corner of your yard so you can reap the benefits of the element of water.
Above all, make your home comfortable. Fill it with things that you love and that are meaningful to you. This is a place where you should want to be, a place that reflects who you are.

 

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08 May

Merging His Space/Her Space

When merging two households, think “her space,” “his space,” and “our space.”

Start with “Our Space.” This means the kitchen, living/family room, laundry room and storage areas. In this space you don’t want to duplicate anything, so first take inventory of what you have. Give away or sell any duplicate items like bread machines or blenders. Register for any items that you both want but neither of you have. If you have two sets of casual dinnerware, and would love a more formal set for entertaining, give away one of the casual sets and register for the good china.

In the bedroom: Who sleep on which side of the bed? Who wants to be closer to the bathroom? Who wants to have the phone on his/her side? Do you really need two alarm clocks? Maybe register for one really nice one with a CD player in it that you both can use. Less clutter is good feng shui! The upper right hand corner is the relationship corner. Make sure this is kept orderly, and enhance chi with plants and crystals to strengthen the relationship.

In the living/family area – decide on which major pieces you want to keep, and build your decorating scheme around those. Wood pieces last longer and can be refinished. Upholstered pieces, if quality, can be recovered – but generally it is less expensive to just replace them once the fabric fades or gets worn out. When deciding what to keep and what to dispense with, keep pets in mind. Will Smoky’s black cat hair make that modern white couch look dinghy? Make sure that there is some continuity to the overall design. Fraternity beer steins looks out of place next to English tea pots. Whatever doesn’t work in “our space” can find a home in “his space” or “her space.” (Usually it’s “his space!”)

Laundry room: Think FUNCTION. You’ll want hanging space and storage space – keep cleaning supplies behind closed doors. Whose iron is in better shape? Could you use a steamer iron? Keep the most energy efficient washer and dryer, sell or donate the others.

Storage: Less is more! Get rid of everything you can. Remember that you will accumulate things over the years, this is only the beginning! How do you divide up the closet space? Invest in closet organizers and make use of every square inch! Store off-season clothes in another closet, or get a wardrobe storage unit for the garage.

“His space” and “Her space”: Do one or both of you work at home? How much room do you need for computers, files, office equipment? You may want to register for something you both need but don’t have, like a fax machine, or a laser printer that you can network with your computers. Do one or both of you work out at home? Where will the equipment go? Who will use what? Maybe you want to register for some light-weights, or a pilates reformer! Do you each have a bathroom or can you divvy up the one that you have? Are their two sinks and adequate storage for his shaving stuff, her make-up? How about registering for a two-person shower head, or a jet machine to turn your bathtub into a jacuzzi spa!

 

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31 Dec

Restorative Yoga

 

Restorative Yoga Therapy: The Yapana Way to Self-Care And Well-Being

Q & A with Author Leeann Carey

 

 

The title of your book is Restorative Yoga Therapy. What is the difference between restorative yoga and restorative yoga therapy?  

 

The difference between restorative yoga and restorative yoga therapy is simple: Restorative yoga is a wonderful practice with a goal of using supported poses to elicit a deep body/mind relaxation. Restorative yoga therapy uses supported poses to elicit a deep body/mind relaxation and is tailored to meet unique needs such as injuries and common ailments. Each class is carefully sequenced to address those needs within the framework of a theme-based practice.

 

The subtitle is The Yapana Way to Self-Care and Well-Being.  What is the Yapana Way?

 

The Yapana Way is a teaching style developed over years of studies with master teachers and my own personal practice. A complete Yapana yoga class includes movements in all planes, DOING (dynamic) poses, BEING (passive) poses, held for an extended period of time with the support of yoga props. The BEING poses makes up the restorative yoga therapy portion of the practice. 

 

More importantly, a Yapana Way practice meets students where they are. It is the way for self-reflection, change and ultimately, acceptance.

 

How would you respond to someone who says they aren’t flexible enough to practice yoga?

 

You don’t need to be flexible to practice yoga. If you can breathe, you can practice yoga. This is particularly true with restorative yoga therapy. Every single pose can be smartly adapted to meet hyper-flexibility, rigidity and a host of other needs. Yoga props are strategically placed to bring the pose to the student as opposed to forcing the student into a predetermined shape. Restorative yoga therapy is a perfect introduction into a yoga practice due to its gentle approach. All that is required is interest.

 

In a culture where sweat is valued over mindfulness, what would you say to someone who thinks restorative yoga therapy does little to improve one’s health?

 

Stress negatively impacts our well-being. According to the Huffington Post, a recent article in Popular Science reported that 30 percent of U.S. adults say stress affects their physical health and 33 percent say it has an impact on their mental health. On the other hand, Columbia University researchers found that those who sat in expansive positions with their arms and legs spread out for two minutes saw lower levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, than those in more tighter poses, according to Popular Science.

 

An intelligent restorative yoga therapy practice is designed to expand the bodies habitual closed or compressed position (historic poor postural habits whether sitting or standing) in supported yoga poses. One can experience an outer opening, inner calm and overall tranquil feeling. With the proper support, students can relax into the pose’s shape for a minimum of two minutes.

 

Living in the 21st century is crowded with responsibilities, commitments and complications. A restorative yoga therapy practice is an excellent healthy option for coping, managing and decreasing stress levels in order to live a fuller and more joyful life.

 

 

The style of yoga you write about uses a lot of props. Why?

 

Yoga props help bring the pose to the student. Bringing the pose to the student prevents overreaching physically and mentally. It fosters balance and acceptance. And it allows for the student to spend longer than five or so breaths in a pose. The time is used for self-reflection into what’s happening now and is followed by an adjustment if needed. Sometimes the nature of a pose only requires presence and breathing. Each person’s experience is different because everyone’s needs are different. But this I know for sure: When the pose is strategically propped whether it is to awaken or soothe an area, the props are instrumental in extending the length of time possible in each pose. A little more time in each pose means a little more time to practice skills of all kinds.

 

What if someone doesn’t want to invest in the expense of yoga props — can they still practice this style?

 

It is not necessary to invest in the expense of yoga props in order to practice this style. You can typically find items around your house or office that will do the trick. You can also make your own props. My husband bought wood from the local hardware store and made all of my wooden blocks and dowels to my specifications. We saved hundreds of dollars. If you’re handy with a sewing machine, you can make your own yoga belts, pillows and even bolsters. Standard prop measurements are listed in the book as well as suggestions for other things you can use for yoga props.

 

If someone only had time to do a 3 poses from the book, which ones would you recommend and why?

 

Matysyasana (Fish Pose):  Backbends are so important for keeping the spine supple. Many of us spend so much time with forward shoulders, sunken chests and rounded mid-backs. As a result, our back, shoulders and neck become stiff and rigid. This is the go-to pose that helps to reverse those effects. Backbends open the chest, thereby widening the diaphragmatic band just underneath the chest. This promotes better access to the breath and is a good pose to practice Three-Part Breathing, a simple breathing technique that can settle the mind and support a meditative experience used to cope with stress.

 

Parivrtta Pavanmuktasana (Revolved Knee Squeeze Pose)

Many of us spend most of our time during the day bent over and rarely get the chance to safely rotate our spine. Twists are a great way to unwind tension built throughout the day while opening the shoulders, chest and hips. There are prone twists and supine twists. The prone twists are a bit quieter on the nervous system than the prone ones. Although I like twists of all kinds, the prone twists by nature are ones you can really melt into. They require less rotation of the spine than the supine ones and when well-supported, feel absolutely divine. People have been known to drool on their bolster. It’s true!

 

Viparita Karani (Legs Up The Wall Pose)

This pose can be practiced with or without support underneath the pelvis. Either way, I recommend practicing it every day; I do. Think of the saying, “take a load off your feet”. That’s exactly what this pose does. It turns the body’s typical standing or sitting position upside down and draws the fluids from the legs into the lower abdomen. This is a perfect panacea for those that spend long hours of sitting or standing, experience leg swelling, or suffer from an achy lower back. It’s also a great pose to practice after airplane travel. You’re guaranteed to feel refreshed and renewed afterward.

 

What do you think the most common misconception people have about yoga is�and what is the actual truth? 

 

I think the current misconception about yoga is that it is a workout. Hatha Yoga or asanas (poses) seems to be the most popular branch of yoga in the U.S. It is a wonderful thing that a reported 21 million Americans are practicing yoga. However, like all things that have grown exponentially, it has been watered down from its original purpose.

 

These days, many practitioners use the poses solely as exercise – to sweat, get a better butt, or lose weight. While none of these reasons are negative, yoga’s roots go much deeper. And if acknowledged, can be stepping stones to deeply taking charge of our self-care and well-being. However, many people walk into the doors of yoga due to a desire for a physical experience. Over time, they may come to find other benefits and that’s a good thing.

 

The truth is, yoga is a practice, not a workout. It was designed to address way more than our physical needs. A yoga practice can tone the physical body, but it also tunes-up the mental body and delivers the skills that are needed to cope with the daily stressors we all face. The real workout is what happens when we step off the mat. The kind of mind we bring to our time on the mat is a direct pointer to the kind of mind we bring into the world.

 

Those that think yoga is about getting the best workout they can, miss yoga’s intention: To learn skills that develop presence and self-acceptance throughout all aspects of life. That’s why it makes no difference whether you are sweating in dynamic poses or relaxing in passive ones. The opportunity for meeting your thoughts and feelings whether you are in “doing” or “being” mode is always there. Now. And now.

 

Tell us about your yoga journey. How/when did you first start practicing and what inspired you to want to go on to teach?   

 

There are two experiences that started me on my yoga journey. In the late 70’s while I was visiting my brother in college, I went for a walk and passed a house with a sign in front that read: FREE Sunday Dinner. It was Sunday and I was hungry, so I walked into the open front door. Everyone was dressed the same and playing instruments and singing the same words over and over again. Afterward, they welcomed me and gave me a bowl and utensils and told me to stand in line to get fed. Everyone seemed genuinely nice and happy to have me at their dinner table.  I never thought much about it until a year or so later when I was dating a guy who got up early each morning to “breathe”. He was a cyclist and claimed it helped him to focus and stay calm in the face of his challenging rides. He taught me how to manage my breath. From then on, I had a dedicated daily pranayama practice before I ever struck a pose. It made my head feel so clear — it was undeniable and indescribable. Those two experiences started me on my journey. Once I let yoga in I never looked back.  

 

Circumstances came before inspiration. I was attending classes regularly and one day my teacher didn’t show up to teach the class. I was encouraged by other students to “lead” the class. Begrudgingly, I did. Although it was not a positive experience for me (I trembled when demonstrating the poses and stumbled over my words), others continued to ask me to share with them what had transformed my life. Years later, co-workers from the company we all worked for said to me, “clearly, you should not be working for this company.” So, I quit and studied to become an official yoga instructor so someone could hire me to teach them. Witnessing the countless transformation in others inspired me to continue to share the principles and practice with others.

 

Restorative Yoga Therapy by Leeann Carey

June 15, 2015 • Yoga/Health & Wellness • Trade Pback & eBook

224 pages w/ B&W illustrations • Price: $17.95 • ISBN 978-1-60868-359-8 

 

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31 Dec
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31 Dec

PGA Award Winners

The Darryl F. Zanuck Award for Outstanding Producer of Theatrical Motion Pictures: (tie)
Gravity (Warner Bros. Pictures) Producers: Alfonso Cuarn, David Heyman
12 Years a Slave (Fox Searchlight Pictures);  Producers: Anthony Katagas, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt and Dede Gardner

The Norman Felton Award for Outstanding Producer of Episodic Television, Drama:
Breaking Bad
(AMC); Producers: Melissa Bernstein, Sam Catlin, Bryan Cranston, Vince Gilligan, Peter Gould, Mark Johnson, Stewart Lyons, Michelle MacLaren, George Mastras, Diane Mercer, Thomas Schnauz, Moira Walley-Beckett

The Award for Outstanding Producer of Documentary Theatrical Motion Pictures:
We Steal Secrets: The Story Of Wikileaks (Focus Features);  Producers: Alexis Bloom, Alex Gibney, Marc Shmuger

The David L. Wolper Award for Outstanding Producer of Long-Form Television:
Behind the Candelabra (HBO); Producers: Susan Ekins, Gregory Jacobs, Michael Polaire, Jerry Weintraub

The Award for Outstanding Sports Program:
SportsCenter (ESPN)

The Award for Outstanding Children’s Program:
Sesame Street
  (PBS)

The Award for Outstanding Digital Series:
Wired: What’s Inside
(http://video.wired.com/series/what-s-inside)

The Award for Outstanding Producer of Non-Fiction Television:
Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown
(CNN);  Producers: Anthony Bourdain, Christopher Collins, Lydia Tenaglia, Sandra Zweig

The Award for Outstanding Producer of Animated Theatrical Motion Pictures:
Frozen (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures); Producer: Peter Del Vecho

The Award for Outstanding Producer of Competition Television:
The Voice (NBC); Producers: Stijn Bakkers, Mark Burnett, John de Mol, Chad Hines, Lee Metzger, Audrey Morrissey, Jim Roush, Kyra Thompson, Nicolle Yaron, Mike Yurchuk, Amanda Zucker

The Award for Outstanding Producer of Live Entertainment and Talk Television:
The Colbert Report
(Comedy Central); Producers: Meredith Bennett, Stephen T. Colbert, Richard Dahm, Paul Dinello, Barry Julien, Matt Lappin, Emily Lazar, Tanya Michnevich Bracco, Tom Purcell, Jon Stewart

The Danny Thomas Award for Outstanding Producer of Episodic Television, Comedy:
Modern Family (ABC); Producers: Paul Corrigan, Abraham Higginbotham, Ben Karlin, Elaine Ko, Steven Levitan, Christopher Lloyd, Jeffrey Morton, Dan O’Shannon, Jeffrey Richman, Chris Smirnoff, Brad Walsh, Bill Wrubel, Danny Zuker

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31 Dec

Treating Autism and Asperger’s

I recently came across a wonderful book by Sophie Walker called “Grace Under Pressure.”  As a mom of a child with special needs, I could relate to her story.  I was very grateful when Sophie provided me with an excerpt from the book to share with you:


Grace, Under Pressure

A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom

 

As things stand, the main “treatment” comes in the form of support, and for high-functioning autism like Grace’s, that primarily means learning. There is a raft of educational techniques and assistance available. Though God knows in my part of the world it seems extraordinarily hard to access (more on this later), this was the route I had started down with Grace. I had seen examples of people with high-functioning autism who were able to adapt and learn how to socialize and overcome their communication difficulties, while re-taining their individuality and often, indeed, being prized for their particular (and many) skills.

But for many parents, among them — naturally enough — those whose children suffer from severe autism, this is not sufficient. Some who are desperate for more radical help to change and improve the lives of their children want alternative therapies.

Researching the options on offer in this universe felt like stepping into Aladdin’s cave: before me lay acres of winking treasures — endless bounty that somehow also seemed liable to leave me empty-handed if I grasped for them. Thousands upon thousands of case studies are out there, detailing the differences that can be made by everything from drugs, to diet (cutting out gluten, dairy products, caffeine, and sugar being the most common), to dolphin therapy and dogs for autism. Intensive behavioral training exists in many different forms and programs; music, light, and sound therapy is also popular. I even discovered the “Audiokinetron” — an electronic machine to exercise the entire hearing system, with the aim of improving sound sensitivity and thus reducing behavioral disturbances.

In every instance, a proponent would rave about the changes effected. Someone else would declare it bunkum.

I asked Peter Bearman if the work he was doing would result, ultimately, in a cure. Do you, I asked, foresee a treatment?

This time his answer was unequivocal.

“Yes. According to our data, about 10 percent of children with autism who start off severely impacted have incredible developmental trajectories and are off the spectrum within a decade. Something is happening to those children,” he said.

“And as soon as you can see that some kids really do change in different ways, you have to ask, ‘What are their parents doing?’

Bearman can’t do the study himself: as part of the research conditions for his other work the names and personal details of the families and children he has studied have been erased. He is following 8 million children, but he doesn’t know who they are, or what their parents did, or what services they used. But if someone else does a study and finds those children and observes what they’re doing, he says, “I’m sure that what’s accessible to 10 percent of all children can be of use to many more.”

It’s tantalizing to think that the seed of knowledge about how to cure this condition may already be out there in the population somewhere.

But when I think about a “cured” version of Grace, my mind draws a blank. I find I don’t know who that is. Where does my daughter begin and her Asperger’s end? How can she be Grace without being all that she is now?

The whole idea of somehow “fixing” autism is of course a highly controversial area and there is a growing movement among adults with autism and Asperger’s syndrome to oppose any attempts to “cure” the disorder. They emphasize instead the importance of celebrating difference.

Aspies for Freedom is one such group. An online forum founded by a group of people with Asperger’s syndrome in June 2004, it aims to bring together people with autism-spectrum conditions to further the view that Asperger’s and autism are not negative, and not always a disability.

“Part of the problem with the ‘autism as tragedy’ point of view is that it carries with it the idea that a person is somehow separable from autism, and that there is a ‘normal’ person trapped ‘behind’ the autism,” says the homepage on the group’s website. It continues:

Being autistic is something that influences every single element of who a person is — from the interests we have, the ethical systems we use, the way we view the world and the way we live our lives. As such, autism is part of who we are…

We know that autism is not a disease and we oppose any attempts to “cure” someone of an autism-spectrum condition, or any attempts to make them “normal” against their will.

 

I read this and stop dead. Is this what I have been doing? Have I been trying to make my darling girl “normal”?

There are many similar groups and thousands of proponents. There are also thousands of parents and the deeper I go into the argument on cyberspace, the louder the shouting gets. Just as I thought I was starting to get a grip on the scale of the community to which my daughter — and therefore to a certain extent I, too — now belongs, the rug is pulled out from under me again. Now I have to answer the question of just how committed we are to being part of this community or whether we’ve been trying to be something else.

I think back to the very many testimonies on treatments I read and I wonder at how hard it must be for parents of severely autistic children to support any idea that says attempts to cure are iniquitous and insulting.

And then, just like that, I find an answer for me and for Grace.

It’s a Sunday afternoon and the ham I am boiling in the kitchen has caused the windows to steam up, giving the outside world an opaque, distant appearance. Betty is asleep and Grace is at her dad’s house and I am for the time being alone, sitting at the dinner table surfing websites and turning the pages of a growing pile of books beside my computer. My head is spinning. I have tried several times to get up and walk away and allow my jumbled, gyrating thoughts to come to a stop — to let them fall where they will and leave me to pick over the pieces later. But I can’t quite do it.

And then I click on a site called Neurodiversity.com, whose stated aims are to reduce the challenges of autism and help increase education and support. On the page dealing with the question of a cure is an excerpt from a quote which makes my heart beat a bit faster. I sit up and quickly, quickly, fire up the search engine to find the rest of it.

The quote is from e.e. cummings and it feels like oxygen. It’s all the answer I need, for now.

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

I determine to let Grace be herself: to cherish and delight in her and work hard to help others to understand and appreciate her. I can help her by getting her the support she needs to be happy within herself, and to take pleasure in her idiosyncrasies, without worrying about where they come from or what that means.

At least, I’ll try…

 

Sophie Walker is the author of Grace, Under Pressure: A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom. She lives in London. Visit her online at http://www.courage-is.blogspot.com or on Twitter @sophierunning.

 

Excerpted from the book Grace, Under Pressure: A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom © 2013 by Sophie Walker. Printed with permission of New World Library www.newworldlibrary.com

 

 

 

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