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28 Aug

CONQUER CHANGE & WIN IN A NUTSHELL

conquer change and win bookGuest Post By Ralph Masengill
Want to be very successful? Here is a simple secret few take advantage of in their personal or business life. You will be a true winner only if you are:

1. Willing to take a calculated risk and endorse positive change on a regular basis.
2. Learning how change affects our emotions and our feelings.

Let’s take a short journey together.

What we are talking about is understanding the risk of change. Why is it so important that we know about and understand change? We humans, and there are no exceptions, are constantly involved in change. Change never stops. It is always constantly going on in us and around us. The truly successful men and women of the world have a good understanding of change and how you can manipulate change to your advantage. You cannot stop it, but you can control most change. You can always control the emotions that change causes in all of us.

Are you in a personal or business rut? In a rut, you have no control where that rut will take you. You have lost your freedom to act. To not change is to lose control of your future. To be in a rut is losing your freedom to control your life, business or both. Laurence J. Peter states that “A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.” He is talking about life without understanding the importance of the affects that change has on all humans.

Mark Twain put it his way “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.” Many good people refuse to accept the risk and uncertainty that change always brings with it. They stay in a self-imposed rut. They force themselves to live in a stagnant prison of their own making. They have part of it right. There can be some security in a prison. I would name that prison Opportunity Lost. When it comes to change we really only have two choices. One is to embrace change with gusto. The second is to stay in a rut by refusing to admit that all change is constant, live in denial and because they made a bad choice end up losing their freedom to act. The solution is to simply agree to devote time and effort to understanding change and how it makes us feel.

Someone said, “Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain”. I believe the happiest and most successful people do not necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Choose Change. It is the path to true happiness and business success.

You and I are always undergoing continuous change intended or not. The exciting truth is the more we know about change, both positive and negative change, the more we can profit from change. If you want a more enjoyable and profitable personal and business life, you must have a solid understanding of what change is and how it makes us and the people we deal with feel. In other words, understanding change and how it makes all people feel will put you in a winning position in your life and your business.

If that is true and it is, what is change and how does it affect all of us on a continuous basis? After 40 years of study and research here is my definition of change:

All men and women regard all change both good and bad change with a feeling of loss (examples would be remorse or that pit of the stomach feeling) and that feeling of loss always creates some form of anger, anxiety or fear.

Understanding how change works can change your life for the better and give you a solid advantage. That is a guarantee. Here are some amazing facts about continuous change.

1. Most of us will not change until the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.

2. You and I often prefer the security of known misery, to the supposed misery of unfamiliar insecurity.

3. Change is consistent, intended or not.

Number one on the list above was true for me in a big way. Until I learned how to handle continuous change and the feelings change had on my personality nothing seemed to get better. I seemed to be stuck in a continuous rut. Understanding continuous change turned my humdrum life around. Understanding change is not hard but you must work at it on a regular basis. Understanding change can be the one thing that can put you in the winner’s circle often. It did just that for me.

What do others say about change?

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” Andy Warhol

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” Carol Burnett

“Change your thoughts and you change your world”, Norman Vincent Peale

“Nothing endures but change.” Heraclitus (540BC – 480BC)

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending if you are willing to change.” Maria Robinson

On the Oprah Winfrey Show I heard an interview where Oprah was sharing with a guest about a dream she had where the children in her dream were asking her, “What can you teach me?” She said what she learned from that was, to look at every event in her life from that perspective. Then I realized as she was sharing, that is exactly what has made the difference in my own life in dealing with change. Now I welcome it knowing it leads to a greater understanding of my purpose on this planet. Dealing with both positive and negative change is a learning process that allows you and I to know what kind of emotions (feelings) continuous change will cause.

No one really likes dealing with change, no one. However we all like the results of positive change. We are never in pain because of change, only our resistance to change can cause us pain. Once you stop resisting what happens in your life and accept it the sooner you have the opportunity to feel less stress and set your business and your life up for even more success. For me it was one of those amazing “ah ha” moments where you are never the same after that. To truly be successful in any undertaking you must embrace positive change and the pain the resistance brings willingly and often.

We all take risk every day when we embrace positive change. Do we take a calculated risk or do we sometimes just roll the dice and just hope for the best? The former is not acting on opportunity; it is acting out of ignorance. I admit that in my younger days, I did more rolling of the dice than I want to talk about and I had to pay the price. I paid the price by losing time, money and happiness many times out of my own ignorance about change. One time I almost lost my business. All of us can and should learn from our mistakes. Mistakes can be a teacher. However, it is a very expensive and painful way to learn.

Charles Tremper puts it this way: “The first step in the calculated risk process is to acknowledge the reality of the risk. Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning.” Executing a plan will involve change. Being willing to change is always a calculated risk that should be encouraged. For one thing it is where most business and personal success comes from in today’s world.

Many successful people have something to say about risk taking. Winston Churchill said, “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is the right direction.” Author and lecturer Earl Nightingale stated, “You can measure opportunity with the same yardstick that measures the risk involved. They go together.” I believe it is clear that all positive change requires calculated risk taking. Do your homework and success can be yours.

Is the opposite of risk, security? Some say it is. I believe those people are in error. Here is what Helen Keller had to say about security. “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Former President Eisenhower said, “One can find outright security only in a prison. In order to be absolutely secure you must give up your individual freedoms.” Dennis Waitley in one of this lectures said, “Life is inherently risky. To become the success you want to be there is only one big risk you should avoid at all cost. That is the risk of doing nothing.” I personally believe total security is a myth. Understanding how change makes all of us feel makes the task less stressful and more fulfilling.

Without calculated risk and positive change there would be no United States of America and no free enterprise system. Our free enterprise system is based on planned change that requires risk that then creates an opportunity that can lead to a solid reward. Risk and change are things we should get up with gladly every morning. In order to succeed beyond even our most daring dreams we must be willing to accept calculated risk and change as a way of life.

We have all seen or read about a business that does well in a certain market while their competitor offering the same product or service flounders. Ms. Wilcox with her short poem tells us why. She nails it in two sentences. Please take a moment right now and re-read her poem.

First make sure you know how the market “winds” are blowing and then and only then set your business “sails” accordingly using positive change and taking the calculated risk that is always part of the package. Do that correctly and you can, with assurance reach your destination of enhanced sales and profit and/or a better life. You can then taste sweet success.

The first step is to know the direction of the market “winds”. Get this wrong and all your other efforts do not matter. Over the years I have been amazed how little time and money many spend on effective market research. Hunches do have their place in the business “sea”, but this first step is not one of them. Solid accurate market research is the capstone of any good business arch. You must react to the market. You must change in order to win. Get the market “winds” right and make the correct changes and you will take home the profit trophy.

Change is something you must do on a regular basis if you want to be successful in life or business. Resistance to change has always been a part of the human psyche. We must work hard not to resist positive change even though it is not our nature. The solution is simple but not easy. Learn all you can about change and how it makes us all feel and be willing to take a calculated risk. Knowing what to expect when you need to change will help you be all that you want be in this world. Work hard to see positive change as a friend and do not resist this widely misunderstood process. Positive change is just that, a positive. Embrace it and you have a great opportunity to succeed in your personal and business life above your present goals and dreams. Understanding change is well worth the effort required.

View Ralph Masengill’s website at www.masengill.com 

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28 Aug

Fashion Trends: Distressing Times Well Worn

I have heard that fashion often reflects the mood of the times. When we are optimistic as a society, hemlines tend to go up. When we feel gloomy, we see more dark gray hues. So it really is no surprise that the fashion trend of the moment seems to be the “distressed” look.

I’ve seen this everywhere. Jeans have manufactured holes in them, strategically placed rips and sanded down seams. Shirts are wrinkled on purpose, just enough to give that worn-for-a-long-time feel to them. Gone are the starched collars and in is a more “easy” fit. Our new shoes are to be worn not only without socks, but also with the laces conspicuously missing.

Our clothes are mirroring our distress. We’ve got a monstrous unemployment rate, and a seemingly endless war or two going on at the same time. We are dealing with natural disasters all over the globe, and an oil spill with repercussions that reach far into the future. The economy basically, well, is there any better word than “sucks” right now? And on top of all this, there’s the whole Tiger letdown, Jesse cheating on our beloved Sandra, and the Gores’ divorce! Yes, “distress” is putting it mildly.

The fact that we have chosen to wear the distressed look tells me that as bad as things are, we have hope. We know we can get through this. These are the kinds of clothes we wear when we’re ready to get down to the business at hand. Those paint splattered khakis? They say: “I can handle anything!” That faded denim shirt? It says: “Put me to work!”

Volunteerism is at its highest level since 1992. We may be pinching pennies, but we were able to scrape up $1.3 million dollars in just two hours when Larry King went on the air to raise money to help clean up the Gulf. This is definitely a “can do” society. We are keenly aware that things are bad, and we’re making a concerted effort to do what we can to make things better.

We are banding together more. Those “six-degrees of separation” have all but disappeared with social networking. Alyssa Milano personally tweets the importance of the mosquito net in helping to combat malaria and with just a few clicks we are sending a net to the cause. Jenny McCarthy and Holly Robinson Peete have raised awareness and inspired us to take action on behalf of families struggling with autism. Philanthropy has gone viral!

So, yes, with all the events that are happening seemingly at the same time, we’re distressed. But maybe in this state we finally have our priorities straight. Maybe we are starting to understand what is important to us. Our style is changing, and evolving. I see the current trend as a statement that “fashion” as we know it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that we take care of the issues at hand, and that we take care of ourselves and each other.

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21 Aug

Stress and Resilience: Sandra Bullock’s Example

All of us have some sort of stress is our lives. Stress can come from positive or negative experiences, in packages large or small, and over a long period of time or all at once. The Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Ratings Scale, developed in the 1960s, is one way for us to measure stress that may have accumulated during the past year. The idea is to look at the list of “life events,” choose the ones that you have experienced in the last 12 months, and add up the corresponding scores to evaluate your possible stress load.

Let’s take a look at Sandra Bullock’s score to get an idea of how this works:

Divorce is second on the list to “Death of a spouse” and comes in at 73 points. She has filed for divorce, so I’m using that score rather than the one for “marital separation.” Gaining a new family member, her son Louis, adds an additional 39. Given the circumstances surrounding the divorce, I’m guessing we could say “change in frequency of arguments” applies, for 35 points. There’s no score for “winning a major award” but there is one for “Outstanding personal achievement, so we’ll use that, at 28 points. Since she won several major awards, we could probably multiply that, but we’ll just double it for a total of 56 to keep it simple. Change in residence is 20 points. I’m guessing she’ll be keeping her home in Austin, but she did move out of the home she shared with Jesse. Having a new baby around means a change in social activities, so that’s another 18 points. There’s definitely a change of sleeping habits, too, for another 16 points. She’s probably had a vacation in the last 12 months, which gives her another 13 points. And Christmas comes in for an additional 12 points. With that, Sandra has a total of 282 points.

There are other factors we don’t know about that would add in more points. A major mortgage is worth 32 points. Change in health of a family member is 44 points. Trouble with in-laws is 29 points. Change in responsibilities at work is 29 points. Any one of these “events” would put Sandra’s total over 300 points, which increases her risk of serious illness over the next two years by 80%. Now that’s stress!

Many people would fall apart under these circumstances, let alone having the circumstances played out for public scrutiny in the tabloids. And yet, this woman who has gone through so much in such a short period of time looks no worse for wear. Here she is smiling at her sweet baby on the cover of People Magazine! What makes a person so resilient to handle all of this stress with such grace? In a word — Closure.

Closure is understanding that there is a purpose to the events in our lives, and it is being able to move forward with a newfound wisdom from the experience. Sandra Bullock has been able to recognize this strength in others. Of the students at Warren Easton Charter High School in New Orleans, a school that she has supported after Hurricane Katrina, she says: “I fell in love with the kids at Warren Easton — their spirit, their elegance, their soul, their profound ability to see the beauty in an experience that would have left most people hardened and angry.”

Now, after weathering her own storm for the past couple of months, Sandra is modeling this same strength for her fans. Rather than playing the role of the victim, or lashing out at a betrayal, she instead has opted for a kind of “chop wood, carry water” attitude and has gone on with the business of her life. She is learning and growing from the experience, from the changes in her relationships, and she is grateful. In the People Magazine interview she says: “To say that I am changed is an understatement. But that might not be a bad thing. I have learned a lot about what I am and what I am not. But the most important thing to me was to protect and know the truth. And the truth is simple. The things I hold most dear are things that could not have happened without Jesse.”

Life is complicated. Relationships change. But yes, the truth is simple. The truth is that all of it, the good and the bad, the fantastic and the painful, the sunshine and the rain — no matter how we choose to judge it or categorize it — all of it is here to serve the process of our growth. We can take these lessons and learn from them. We can look at examples given to us and follow them. When we are in gratitude, we are in the present moment. We’re not dwelling on the past or worried about the future, we’re simply in the here and now. And now is the only time there is.

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13 Aug

Eat, Pray, Blog: Getting There Without Going Anywhere

“Eat, Pray, Love” has spiritual seekers everywhere following in Elizabeth Gilbert’s footsteps — literally — traveling to Italy, India and Bali on an adventure of a lifetime. And now that Julia Roberts has followed suit on the big screen, it is likely that many more will make the sojourn to these exotic locations in pursuit of something to “marvel” at. There is much to marvel at anytime you travel. Everything is new, and different. It opens your eyes, engages the senses. Travel is an amazing opportunity to learn and grow through new experiences.

And yet, as Confucius stated so plainly: “No matter where you go, there you are.” The spiritual journey is a journey within. We don’t need to climb a mountain in Tibet to achieve the kind of inner peace we so desperately crave. We don’t need to go anywhere, we don’t even need to do anything, to find ourselves in a place of balance and bliss.

So, given that we can’t all jet off to foreign countries on a whim, let’s go on our own spiritual quest, right where we are, starting with “eat.”

Tantra teaches us that we experience the world through our five senses. Taste is definitely one of those senses where we can experience much pleasure — and given the cuisine, one might even say nirvana. When eating, the sense of smell also comes into play; the aroma heightens the anticipation, and enhances the flavors. Sight is involved with food. We’ve learned from the many Food Network shows how important presentation is in a meal. When food looks good, we’re more likely to perceive it as tasting good. Touch is in the texture of the food. How does it feel in your mouth? And even sound is in food — from the sizzle on the grill to the crunch of that perfect bite, to the oohs and aahs that emerge from satisfied diners.

Great pasta dinners aren’t only in Italy. We can cook, and have fun in our very own kitchen creating and experimenting with sauces and seasonings. Or we can find a lovely little neighborhood restaurant, and allow ourselves to be served with careful attention. Eating gives us a chance to indulge all of our five senses, to be present in the moment, to savor the experience and to be aware of the feelings that it evokes from deep within. When we are in present moment awareness there is no regret, fear or guilt. There is only gratitude. And that is a beautiful place to be.

“Pray” takes us into silence, into the stillness where all the wisdom of the universe can be found. Our busy world is filled with commotion. We are inundated with errands and emails and obligations. Our lives are slaves to the clock and the calendar, scheduled out farther that we even care to plan. But when we meditate, there is no time and space. The world seems to stop; our mind begins to quiet. Gone are the commercials and the traffic and the to-do lists. Suddenly we become aware of our breath, which brings us back to ourselves. We listen, and answers come, truth reveals itself, calmness settles in.

We could be in a temple, some historically preserved monument. Or we could be right where we are, perhaps smack dab in the middle of the couch. It doesn’t matter, because it’s all the same, it’s all connected. When we get together and meditate in groups, the experience is amplified. Energy rises, and circulates, and infuses each participant. Take that time away from the busyness, shut off the phone, unplug from technology — get back to nature, get back to yourself and you’ll remember who you are.

“Love” is all about relationships. And life is all about love. Who we love, and what we love. When we are doing what we love and also helping people, then we have found our “dharma” or purpose in life. There is nothing more fulfilling. If there is anything this world needs more of, it is love. We can never get too much of it! Extend yourself beyond your comfort zone, beyond the parameters that have been self-imposed, and reach out to someone with love. It’s easy to love a baby, or a kitten. So innocent and sweet, so receptive and accepting. The challenge is for us to love something or someone that might appear to us to be unlovable. The rejected, the downtrodden, the messy, the annoying. Yet when we do open our hearts, and we allow that love to pour forth, we feel an influx of love coming right back to us.

Love the moment, every moment. Love where you are, wherever that is. Marvel at your surroundings, the miracles that extend in and around the immediate environment. Everything that is here is here for you. The ground yearns for your footsteps. You love, and you are loved completely.

When you implement these simple techniques, what starts as a holiday becomes a habit. That habit then becomes a lifestyle. It’s a matter of mindfulness. We have the opportunity to practice every day, every moment, anywhere we are.

My new e-course with Daily Om is 9 Weeks to Joyful Living. You pick the price! Do the exercises and you’ll find you are living a life filled with elegance, joy, and simplicity. Once you do that, you can’t go back.

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06 Aug

Zen and the Art of Grocery Shopping

It happens at least once a week, the ritual trek to the local grocery store. We need food, we need supplies, we are creatures whose needs must be met and this is how we do it. It’s more convenient than growing our own vegetables, or baking our own bread. And although we may not get the same satisfaction that our ancestors did by working the land, we are in a sense doing our own harvesting by what we choose, and how we shop at the supermarket.

Here are some ways that we can get the most out of the experience, and turn what could possibly be mundane into something rather special and spiritual. This is how we can “bloom where we are planted” even if that happens to be in the middle of suburbia.

Bring your own bags. This seems like such a simple thing to do, and yet when you look around at the other shoppers, how many people actually do it? In Europe there is not the option of paper or plastic. You bring your own bag or you carry your purchases out in your arms. We did an informal survey recently in front of our neighborhood market and found that although most people thought this was a good idea, they hadn’t gotten themselves in the habit. (You can see the video we made up on CoffeyTalk.tv.) Make this conscious choice. Carry your bags in your car so they are there for you when you need them. It’s one little contribution towards making the world a better place.

After you park, if you see a stray cart in the lot, take it with you into the store. Many carts are left loose in the parking lot only to bump into cars, or block the way as someone is trying to open their car door. Returning a cart is being a good citizen, and also setting a good example.

Many stores have now been kind enough to provide anti-bacterial wipes at their entries so that we can wipe down the handle of the cart. Use them to protect yourself and others from germs that are easily passed around in public places. And when you’re done with the wipe, dispose of it carefully in the container provided.

When shopping for produce, choose fruits and vegetables that are locally grown. Shipping from far away places puts a burden on the planet by requiring extra fuel to get items where they need to be. Also, be aware of packaging. Again, reuse bags from home, or don’t bother to use bags at all when selecting your produce. Select one thing that you might not have tried before — open yourself up to new culinary possibilities!

Consider your time in the market as an opportunity to practice present-moment awareness. Be fully present when choosing your items. Smile at the people sharing this experience with you. This is a community, and you are an important part of it. Be grateful for the store employees who work so hard to keep the place neat and orderly so that you can find what you are looking for. Marvel at the abundance of choices that we have before us.

Think about the many ways that you can be a conscientious consumer. Rather than buying paper napkins, use cloth napkins at the table for dinner. Rather than using paper towels to clean, use dishcloths and rags. Rather than using cleaning products with chemicals, investigate the many natural alternatives, such as vinegar, that can be used just as efficiently with less impact on the planet. Take lunch boxes or cloth lunch bags to work or school instead of using paper lunch bags. These are all the little things that end up making a big difference. Consciously participate in green living.

Read labels to know what you are putting into your body. There are so many options now, so check the shelves for products that are lower in sugar, sodium and fat. Opt for healthier alternatives, like whole grains and higher fiber cereals.

More and more people are deciding on a vegetarian or even vegan lifestyle. Even if you don’t want to commit all the way, try going meat-free at least one day a week.

If you have a full cart of groceries and someone behind you in line has just one or two items, practice kindness by offering to let them go ahead of you. If someone ahead of you is having trouble getting credit approval, or is taking a long time to write out a check, this is an opportunity to practice patience and compassion.

When checking out, have your discount cards or coupons ready so as not to keep the people behind you in line waiting longer than necessary. Make sure to present your bags to the bag-person before he or she starts to pack. If there is no one helping the cashier to bag the groceries, pitch in and help yourself. Always show gratitude for the help you were given by expressing thanks.

Everything in life, every moment we live, can be a meditation, a learning experience. With this state of mind, we can turn something like grocery shopping, which we might have thought of as a chore, into an adventure.

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30 Jul

The Cost of Kindness

The world is in pain. We are feeling the effects of crisis on every level; we are suffering. In this condition, when we feel weak, it’s almost a knee-jerk reaction to fight, to lash out, to argue, accuse, bully, complain, and blame. But that only creates more suffering. And so it goes, and has been going, over centuries. But this doesn’t have to be the human condition. We have choices. And by now we really do need to know better, and choose differently.

 

Sometime around 30 BC Hillel said “If not now, when?” Now is the time that we need to dig deep within us, to find the courage and make the changes we need to make in order to survive. Indeed, our very survival is at stake. Our brothers and sisters are giving years of their lives, if not their very lives, in wars. Our children are killing themselves to escape being tormented by their peers for what are perceived to be their differences. The cost of war, economically and personally is horrendous. The cost of hate, violence, and intolerance is just as bad. We have to stop the bleeding, and we have to heal.

 

It doesn’t have to take an act of Congress to make a change. It only takes an act of kindness, or many little acts of kindness that all add up to getting our priorities straight. We need to shift from focusing on the material, on the “stuff” in life, and instead focus on people and relationships. We need to pay attention, to be receptive, to be honest and to show that we care. Kindness is a virtue that we need to cultivate and value. It is the salve for our wounds. It is the medicine for our dis-ease. We need to invest our time and energy into programs that promote kindness. This will pay off for us in the long run.

There are many organizations making a conscious effort to practice and promote kindness in our communities. One group is Big Brothers Big Sisters. Youth who are identified as “at-risk” are brought into the program and matched with a mentor. A Public/Private Ventures study shows that children matched with a Big Brother or Big Sister, as compared to their peers, are 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs, 52% less likely to skip school, and one-third less likely to hit someone. The financial cost to support a match is just $1m200 per year. Contrast that with the cost to incarcerate a youth in Juvenile Hall at $125,000 per year. Mentors in this program are volunteers, and most will tell you that as much as they see that the youth are getting out of the program, they feel that the benefits are mutual.

 

“Karuna” is a Sanskrit word that means “compassionate action.” It refers to any action that is taken to diminish the suffering of another. As we help others, as we extend kindness, we all benefit. By serving each other we are serving ourselves. “Metta” is a Pali word that means loving-kindness, benevolence, fellowship, goodwill, and friendliness. Metta is the strong wish for the welfare and happiness of others. It is an attitude of altruism.

 

There is no cost to kindness. A smile, a word of thanks, a good deed, a friendly gesture — there is no cost to these things, and yet the benefits are priceless.

 

Ellen DeGeneres is now signing off her show with the statement: “Be kind to one another.” I heard that and was inspired. We all have to do our part. We need to be ever mindful that kindness must be practiced and demonstrated. To help with this I created “The Kindness Movement.” It’s a simple commitment of seven days of putting kindness into action. It costs nothing to join The Kindness Movement. And it is very likely that as the movement spreads the benefits will be far-reaching. The Internet holds that power, as it is an illustration of our interconnection.

We are all in this together. The time to recognize our connection to each other, and to be kind to one another, is at hand. It all starts right here, right now. Please join us in The Kindness Movement. Thank you for your kindness.

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27 Jul

3 Leadership Lessons From Antarctica

On 21 June, I was fortunate enough to attend a presentation by Dr Sarah Hanieh (research fellow) at the Doherty Institute, and recipient of a PhD in Medicine from The University of Melbourne).

She titled her speech “Breaking Through The Ice”.

The insights in her presentation were based on her adventures during a trip to Antarctica through the Homeward Bound Project (a ground-breaking leadership initiative for women in science, set against the backdrop of Antarctica, which aims to heighten the influence and impact of women in making decisions that shape our planet.)

There were three leadership lessons that Dr Hanieh shared with the audience.

She has kindly granted permission to share these lessons with you.

Now, you may be thinking “Do these lessons really apply to me? I am not in Antarctica. I am not a woman. I am not in a leadership position”. Rest assured, these three leadership lessons are universal, and can be applied by anyone, in any area of life. I have certainly started applying these lessons in my professional, academic, and personal lives.

Here are the three lessons:

  1. Follow the right leader – Dr Hanieh used a video of a waddle of penguins who are jumping off blocks of ice, to get to dry land. One penguin chooses the path, and the others follow, in order to make it to dry land safely. Her message was simple, yet emphatic. From a subordinate’s point of view, following the right leader will take you to where you ought (not necessarily want) to go. From a leader’s point of view, if you are not heading in the right direction, how will you lead your subordinates there? This reminded me of an audio program that I once invested in, where the legendary Bob Proctor boldly stated “There is a difference between leaders and bosses”. In my professional life, there has been no shortage of bosses. There have been very few true leaders. If you are a leader (in any capacity – captain of a sports team or a manager in the workplace), please ask yourself this question – “Am I heading in the direction where my team needs to go?”  If you are a subordinate, please ask yourself this question – “Is my leader heading in the direction where I need to go? If not, what feedback can I provide to my leader?”
  2. Embrace the unknown – the unknown can instil fear in you. Dr Hanieh shared the story of what happened moments before all the women in the leadership expedition boarded the ship (bound for Antarctica) in Ushuaia (in the south of Argentina). Some of the women were very nervous. It was the fear of the unknown. Questions such as “What lies out there?” were at the forefront of the minds of many of her travelling companions. Embracing the unknown does not mean foolishly making bold decisions. It means being open to possibilities. In the 1990’s, there was a television commercial to advertise tourism for a part of Australia, called the Northern Territory. The slogan for that commercial was “You will never, never know if you never, never go”. Dr Hanieh’s message for leaders was simple – do not be afraid of the unknown, embrace the opportunities that the unknown may present. Another emphatic point she made was this – when you are faced with the unknown, celebrate the fact that you have the freedom to make a choice. Choices means liberty to decide. Not everyone in every circumstance has that option. She shared the story of when the ship was bound for a British scientific research station called Rothera. It was a place far down south in Antarctica that very few people get to visit. They only accept two visiting ships per year, and her ship was one of the two. However unexpectedly, their planned path was completely frozen over. They were faced with two remaining choices – 1) To turn around and return. 2) To take a longer route, which would mean going out into open seas and facing extremely rough water. This meant facing the unknown.
  3. Excel in empathy – following on from point 2, the expedition leader and ship’s captain called a meeting with all of the women expeditioners. He presented the 2 options to them, and asked for a vote. Nearly all of the women voted to go into open water via the longer route, face the unknown, to reach Rothera. However a minority of women voted against that idea. They were concerned about sea sickness in open water. The groups leaders displayed exceptional empathy, and took into account the sea sickness concerns of these women. The decision was not to go into open water. This is an empathic lesson in leadership. Although, according to democratic rules, the leaders should have listened to the majority, they had empathy for the minority. As the old adage goes, “Sometimes you have to let your heart, not your intellect lead the way”. By the way, the weather cleared, and they were able to reach Rothera!

So, there you have it, 3 leadership lessons from the bottom of the world. I sincerely hope that you can apply all/some of these in your daily life.

Quote: “The key to becoming an effective leader is not to focus on making other people follow, but on making yourself the kind of person they want to follow.” John Maxwell.

Let’s send our utmost gratitude to Dr Hanieh for sharing her insights with us.

Influencing you to your excellence,
Ron

PS: My Anti-Bullying Charity’s latest short video addresses – “One Tip For Kids Who Change Schools” – https://youtu.be/q2S1GOP-apA

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23 Jul

New Day, New Decade: Setting Goals Around Desires

The year 2011 is now well under way. Not only is this a new year; it’s a new decade! We had our grand finale, wrapping up 2010 with the solstice and coinciding full moon and lunar eclipse, bringing change and a shift in energy. Then Jan. 4 welcomed a new moon, signaling new beginnings.

Many of us choose to set new year’s resolutions, goals that we work towards to better ourselves in one way or another. This is a good exercise, as it helps us to consider what we want for ourselves, and how we can take action to make things happen.

Of course, we can set goals at any time. Many people choose their birthdays to do this because it’s a time of reflection. You might also choose any new moon, or the beginning of any season. These are all natural times to invoke change.

We know the importance of setting goals, and we know how good it feels when we reach those goals. But at the same time, we need to remember that each step is an important part of the process. We need to recognize this and understand that we are moving forward. This will keep us invested in the long run. Breaking down “big” goals into more easily achievable steps is a good way to mark our progress. We are learning and growing every day.

We can learn a lot about ourselves by looking at our goals and our desires. There’s a reason why we want what we want. And we wouldn’t want it if it weren’t attainable. We learn and grow on the way to our goals.

Desire is our greatest motivator because it spurs us into action! Through action comes experience, achievement, accomplishment and many great things. We are busy fulfilling our desires everyday, and sometimes so easily that we aren’t even aware of what we are doing. So when setting your resolution or goal, look at your desires first. These are the steps you can take to get things going:

  1. Recognize that you have this desire. Label it. Define it. Know it.
  2. Evaluate the desire — do you really want it? What is it exactly that you really want? Explain it to yourself. Make sure that it makes sense to you and that you understand why you want this, and what it means to you to achieve this goal.
  3. Create an intention to fulfill the desire, to reach your goal. Make that commitment. Set this as a priority in your life.
  4. Release the desire to the universe — state your intention clearly. It’s a good idea to write it down and then burn the piece of paper, or file it away somewhere with the date on it.
  5. Give up any attachment to what happens. Just let it go, knowing anything can happen; the outcome is usually better than we ever could have anticipated. In spirit, there is no time or space. Be flexible, be open, and observe how things unfold.
  6. Let the universe handle the details — don’t try to control or manipulate how things occur. Rather than making demands, leave room to allow nature to take its course in whatever way, shape or form that might be. There’s always some reason behind everything that happens, so have a little faith that work is being done, even if you don’t see it. Know that creation and growth takes place every moment.
  7. Feel grateful, and express gratitude! Your emotions electrify the process.
  8. Be aware of things that happen that may help you to achieve your goal. There are no accidents, and no coincidences in life. When opportunities arise, be ready to embrace them.
  9. Celebrate every success and let it build your confidence and warm your heart. Continue to express gratitude all along the way.

Happy new day, happy new year, happy new decade!

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16 Jul

Parenting the Vedic Way

Ayurveda is India’s 5,000 year old “Science of Life,” and it is the art of living in harmony with nature. Ayurveda gives us tools for living that we can apply to every aspect of our lives, especially parenting. Your dosha is your Ayurveda mind and body type. There are three doshas in Ayurveda: Vata, Pitta and Kapha. We each have all three of the doshas in our physiology, just in different proportions, so your dosha is unique and personal; it is like your fingerprint. To determine your dosha, or ayurveda mind and body type, start by taking the dosha quiz. This will tell you which dosha is dominant for you. What’s your dosha, baby? Take the dosha quiz and find out!

Parenting is an application of love in our daily lives. Our children give us the opportunity to experience and express love, every day. As parents, we have a very unique relationship with each of our children. We interact with them on so many different levels at the same time. We can be a parent, teacher, friend, chauffeur, psychologist, advisor, disciplinarian, coach, referee, or whatever!

Mind-body type does have genetic components, but a family doesn’t necessarily have to be dominant in one dosha or another. A Kapha mother and father very well could have a Pitta child, for example. You need to look on both sides of the family to see where a dosha may be inherited. For example, a Pitta child could get her blue eyes from her Pitta grandmother, or her athletic ability from her Pitta uncle.

It is interesting to look back at your own childhood and discover the doshas of each of your brothers and sisters. Look at how you interacted with your siblings. What were these relationships like? Remember that your kids look to you for skills to handle each other, too. They learn from your example.

When you know your child’s dominant dosha, you are better able to handle the myriad of things that come up at any given moment. You are better able to parent from a place of love rather than expectation. You know, for example, that your Vata child may have some anxiety about a friend’s sleepover, or that our Kapha child may need two different alarm clocks to get up in the morning.

Kapha Kids

Kapha kids tend to be more solidly built. They’re stockier and more resistant to illness. They love to eat and have a sweet tooth. You need to watch their diets so that they don’t overeat. Kapha children are very caring. They’ll be the first ones to give you a hug. They may be a little shy at first, but once they warm up, they’re all smiles.

Kapha kids like to lounge around, so make sure there are plenty of activities for them to participate in so that they don’t turn into couch potatoes. If given a choice, the Kapha child would choose playing video games over a trampoline, but the trampoline would do so much more to keep him in balance. To get Kapha kids outdoors, have them help in the garden — they love tending to flowers and gardening.

Kaphas tend to have beautiful singing voices, so it’s a good idea to nurture that at a young age. Have your kids join the church choir, or take singing lessons.

In school, it seems like Kapha kids take longer to learn things, but the upside to this is that once they learn something, they don’t forget it. Kaphas learn best by association, so it’s a good idea to tell stories and give them experiences that help make the subject matter relevant to them. Be patient with them, work at their speed and don’t give up.

Kapha kids tend to be very loyal and loving toward their friends, but they are also sensitive, and their feelings are easily hurt.

Pitta Kids

Pitta kids are the ones who play baseball, basketball, soccer and hockey. They go from one sport to the next, and like whichever one they’re doing at the time the best! They want to be the best one on the team, and they want to bring home the trophy to prove it.

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the Pitta competitive spirit will spill over into the classroom. The Pitta child will be motivated to work hard and get good grades. They’ll be keenly aware of their grade point average and do extra credit work if necessary to make honor roll. Pitta kids are great at memorizing and do well with flash cards, which is a visual tool for learning. They love to read.

Pittas can be show-offs, and they like to be in charge. As parents, you can teach them social skills to help them control their anger and get along with everyone.

Vata Kids

The day-dreamy child drawing rainbows on a pad in the back of the room is the Vata child. These kids have great imaginations, and they’re gifted at making up stories. If you ask them a question, they’ll talk up a storm. They’re often perceived as “spacey” or “weird.”

Physically, Vata is slight. Whether tall or short, these kids look skinny; they have narrow hips and shoulders. Their appetite varies, but no matter how much they eat, they don’t seem to put on weight.

Vata kids learn things quickly, but then they forget them almost as quickly. You might think they’ve got their times tables down cold, only to have them fail a test the next day. Very often, kids with ADHD are Vata dominant. They are auditory learners, so sometimes it’s easier for them to listen to a book on tape rather than try to sit still and read for long periods of time. A multi-modal approach to learning in general is best for Vata kids — they like to hear it, see it, touch it and experience it. They’re great at all things creative, and likely will be in the school plays, draw cartoons for the school paper or be nominated for class clown.

Lots of hugs and a warm environment help keep Vata kids from getting out of balance and feeling nervous.

Growing and Glowing

It doesn’t matter how many children you have. As a parent, you soon learn that you can’t parent any two kids the same way. When we look at all the factors involved in a child’s individuality and the different ages and stages they all go through, there is no question that parenting is the most difficult job there is! Ayurveda gives us tools to help us relate to our children, and to help our children relate to each other.

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02 Jul

Royal Marriage Manners

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have just visited Southern California and of course the media covered every moment. Upon their arrival in Los Angeles from Canada, I noticed something that I don’t think everyone did, but that could be very telling of the royal relationship.

After William and Kate disembarked the plane, they went through a receiving line to be welcomed by Governor Jerry Brown and his wife, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and other dignitaries. Will went through the line first, followed by his bride. They were greeted, curtseyed to and shook hands with each person graciously. When Will was finished, he made a bee-line for the Range Rover and got in the back seat without a glance back. Kate completed her duties a minute or so later and went to the back seat on the other side of the car.

What is unusual about this? Since the British are such sticklers for etiquette, they should be practicing it in their marriages as well as amongst commoners. The gentlemanly thing for William to do would have been to wait for his wife to shake the last hand and then walk over to the car with her. Ideally, he would walk her to her side of the car and help her in before entering the car himself.

This may be a small thing, but it shows respect and consideration. I get that they’re both on a schedule and being shepherded around by security. But in a marriage, there is a kind of radar that keeps you aware of where that other person is at all times. I get that William is the prince and probable heir to the throne. But whatever happened to common courtesy and “ladies first?” If I were in Kate’s position I’d be saying to my hubby: “Hello? Wait for me!” Of course it’s not good form for couples and especially royals, to correct each other in public.

While I’m on the subject, yes, it was a lovely gesture that William gave Kate his mother’s ring. However, I do believe that Kate deserves her own ring as well. Why have Diana’s ring be her engagement ring? After all, even though Diana’s ring is beautiful and historic, it did originate from a marriage that is widely known as unhappy and that ended in divorce. That’s a lot of baggage to be carrying around on your finger. Already Kate is being compared to Diana and this will inevitably follow her throughout her lifetime. Kate is her own person and this is a new relationship, so I say give her a new ring.

Kate has a lot to put up with. Every bride has to deal with in-laws, but Kate has to do it under the scrutiny of the world. She had her wedding in the same church where her husband’s mother had her funeral. She’s a good sport to go along with her new family in all these decisions and I know this will go far in keeping Will and Kate together.

The royal couple is sure to get lots of attention wherever they go and whatever they do. But they need to remember that it is the attention that they give to one another that will be what makes this marriage succeed. It is both the attention that they give to each other in private, at home, when it is just the two of them. And it is also the attention that they give to each other in public. I remember hearing from body language experts about the sweet glances they gave each other during the wedding ceremony and how that was a good sign of a true loving relationship. The world is watching! The pressures of the position will be there and there will be obligations and schedules and demands. But the smallest reassuring glance, the hand on the back as a guide and the simple act of waiting for the other person to finish before going ahead with the next task, that will make all the difference.

This royal marriage is only a few months in and as time goes on, these simple courtesies will mean more and more. I would advise William to get in the habit of being a gentlemanly husband now. A husband with good manners is a true Prince.

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