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Virtually Frustrated

Question

hi-

I am in my first year of college right now.  Over the summer, I met a guy on facebook (I’ll call him Peter) and talked to him over the site throughout the summer.  We now attend the same college, and are even in orchestra together (although he always has to leave early for choir, so we never have contact afterwards).  Our paths don’t cross otherwise.  A couple days ago we met at the cafe and talked for an hour, and I thought it went well.  My problem is this: aside from that one instance, he has made no attempt since to see me or talk to me in person: he seems to be content to continue our online relationship of “wall-talking”, though I have dropped many hints to suggest we meet in person again.  As I’m typing this, I know it must sound like he’s not interested – and maybe he’s not – but why else would he keep in contact online with me?  If he didn’t like me, you’d think that he’s sort of distance himself from me, but he enthusiastically leaves upwards of 10 comments on my wall a day (we post back and forth a lot of times when we’re both online at the same time…a conversation that way).  What’s his deal?  Is he just completely dense or is he not interested?  I’m relatively new to relationships with guys so I don’t know how to read his behaviors.  I like him a lot, but don’t know if this is worth the time and effort.  What do you think?

 

-Virtually frustrated 

Answer

I think a lot of people, both guys and girls, kind of find some sort of security in communicating via e-mail or text or in social networking pages.  You can take your time to respond, think about what you’re going to say, and not have to feel nervous about being “on the spot.”  So, I do think this guy likes you, but he’s shy, or insecure, or something – and that’s why he’s not more forthcoming in person.

One thing you might try is to invite him to some group activity.  Then he won’t feel like it’s the pressure of a “date.”  You could even tell him that it’s a group and he is free to bring a friend if he would like.  If he really is shy, this will make him feel more comfortable – safety in numbers!

Otherwise, if you feel like you’re not getting anywhere, you might try just being a friend, and look for a boyfriend who is more sociable so that you can have a more “normal” dating relationship.

Good luck!