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The girl who desperately needs advice!

Question

Okay first I will start off by saying, My name is Daria I’m 16 years old. And I desperately need advice on what to do with my friend Eric. I met him last year at school and we became great friends right away. And then everything changed when he told me he liked me. I was shocked. I never expected he would tell me that. And I never had any feelings for him. I only like him as a friend. he wanted to know how i felt about him. I was afraid to tell him at first because i know he’s kind of sensitive. And i didn’t want to break his heart. but i told him that as nicely as i could. And he was very sad and depressed for a while. Then he told me that I shouldn’t brush him off so easy and that we should try dating. I didnt know how to respond to that. So I stupidly somehow agreed! my exact words were ” oh…ummm….well….uhhh” and I guess he thought that ment “yes” …he then moved to Idaho for college. and siad once he comes back next summer thats when we’ll start dating. oh and did i mention that he siad I cant date ANYONE till then. so its sort of a “pact” no dating till we try things out next summer. so i have to wait a whole year!!! I was going crazy because everyday he would send me a million texts everyday saying ” oh your so beautiful” or ” your such a babe” and i would just text back saying “thanks” because i didnt know what to say back. I was stuck. It was like he locked me in some cage and wouldnt let me out till next summer! So here is where the big problem begins. One day Eric calls me just to say “hey” and we start talking about school and regular stuff. then out of no where he accidently calls me ” Lindsay” instead of ” Daria” so i say ” what did you call me?” and hes like” oh sorry i ment Daria” So i start kind of kidding around and say ” who is lindsay!? are you cheating on me???” i thought that would be funny. ..my mistake!. he says ” NO I’m not I ment-” and then i interupt him ” How dare you! OMG i bet shes some kind of slut!” i was still going along with the joke. and he sort of freaks out ” NO Daria! thats not what i ment” and i just keep dissing Lindsay, whoever she is “Of all the poeple in the world you say her name! BITCH!” Keep in mind I’m still kidding around. But then it gets too out of control and Im screaming at him over the phone!! Finally i realize I’ve gone too far. and I just hang up. about 10 minutes later Eric texts me and says” wow..ok” and i say ” you know i don’t think the pact thing is going to work” . and he doesnt text back. infact we havent talked in about a month. so i asked my best friend Jasmine to ask him how hes doing and possible mention my name. He told her that I’m very immature and that hes not going to talk to me unless i want to talk to him, because he doesnt want to risk getting his heart broken. . … so thats the story. I dont know what to do. and most of all i dont know why i did that stupid joke! i feel like an idiot! I guess i was just so mad at the whole pact thing and felt like yelling at him. Do you have any advice for me???. should i call him? and if i do what do i say?? and do you think that I’m immature for playing a “joke” like that ????? PLEASE HELP sincerly, Daria

Answer

Dear Daria,

I think you need to write Eric a letter and fess up to everything.  Put it in writing so  he can read it and really understand.  And that gives you time to think about what you want to say and choose your words carefully, instead of being impulsive… which obviously doesn’t work!  Explain that you really want to save your friendship, and that you should have been honest with him in the first place about not wanting to be his girlfriend but that you were afraid of hurting  his feelings.  Tell him that you let a little joke go too far and that you’re really sorry.  And then tell him that you’ll understand if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore because you know you hurt him.  And then, let it go.  If he calls you, be super nice and apologize again and tell him what a great friend he has been to you, and that you’re really glad he understands about not being a couple and that you want to continue the friendship.  Then listen, hear what he has to say.  Let him talk.  And accept whatever he wants to do from here on out.  If he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, or be friends, then just let him go.  If he still wants to be friends, be a good friend to him, which means always being honest with him about your feelings and everything else.

Love,

Lissa