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buttonlayer2

can’t decide what to do

Question

Hey, I’m really looking for an advice that can help me out. Well, I’m 17 and he is 18. We were together for a year and i had to leave to my country, so he asks me to continue our relationship, i didnt really know what to say so at the end i agreed and told myself why not ? whats the harm? But the harm and effect is massive on me and on him as the time passed by. I kind of broke up with him after half an year doing it. He also moved to UK. I heard form his friend that he is going to Beijing to see his parents during the summer holidays. There was a thing in my head popped out why dont i go to beijing too as we first met there. Pretending that i didnt know he was gonna be there. We saw each other and the feeling came back and he tells me that i could stay in his house until i go back. So i moved in and stayed with him for 5 days. Over the nights we talked about everything and he cries telling me that he couldnt get over me and he still loves me i loved him too but i have a huge ego and tried to hide it for some days and slowly letting it out. THEN again he tells me to do the long distance relationship, without even considering i said ok again. We were doing so fine for about 2 months and then i told him i might go to USA for college.He was shocked and kind of pissed because i was supposed to go to UK at the end of the year for university.We gradually stopped talking and one day he tells me let’s just be friends and if we are really meant to be we will meet somehow. I just collapsed when i heard it even though i knew eventually this was gonna happen. Since then we talk here and there and he still tells me that he loves me and told me that he is also going to USA and will find me there. And also convincing me not to date anyone until we meet. Well surprisingly its going by his plans and im still single we flirt over the phone and i even told him i love him still.But its like whenever i try to move on or decide to he just pops out out of nowhere and texts me. So its really hard should i just believe in us and be as we are now texting occasionally or just put everything behind and move on ? Thank you =) P>S since the second break up none of us dated anyone we are still single or did anything physical.But before the 1st break up i cheated on him a lot and he knows it but he forgave me.

Answer

hi!

Thanks for writing.

I think you need some time on your own to figure out who you are and what you want.  It sounds like this guy is making all the decisions, and kind of stringing you along.  If you give yourself some space from this guy, and allow yourself to date some other people, you might find that you like someone better than him.  You might find that someone treats you better than he treats you.  You might find that you don’t need a guy in your life, that you’re just fine on your own!

There’s no rush, right?  Travel, go to school, do what you need to do and set your own goals based on what you want to do.

Things will fall into place.  Anything can happen as time goes on, but you can’t base your life on what someone else wants or expects from you.  You make decisions for yourself.

 

Hope that helps!

xo,

Lissa