<![CDATA[CoffeyTalk - Relationship and Romance Articles]]>
-Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes vowed to never go to bed angry.  But sometimes that’s just what you need to strengthen your relationship.  Fighting is cleansing – it gets all the gunk out on the table that’s been building up.  The purpose of arguing is not to come to a consensus but to come to some clarification.  Once you both understand what the issue is you can work on how to solve it. But don’t “over fight” – know when to take a time-out, even if it is overnight.  Our emotions tend to get really worked up in the heat of an argument, and if we keep going we might say hurtful things that we don’t really mean.  Give each other that “time-out” signal when you start feeling overwhelmed or out of control.  It’s okay to take a break and re-visit the conversation with a clear head.  Then you’re more likely to get resolution.  Why stay up all night yelling at each other?

- Honesty is key to any intimate relationship.   But you can still bend the truth for the sake of being kind.  If your husband asks if you find some young hunk in your office attractive, what is he really saying?  He’s asking for assurance that you are still attracted to the old guy you married!  So rather than going on about how handsome your co-worker is, you can turn it around and say: “He’s not my type, you’re my type!” or something similar.   Maybe the guy is your type, but since you honestly intend to stick with your husband, that little lie helps to uphold the greater truth, which is that you love your husband and you don’t want to hurt his feelings.

]]> <![CDATA[How Flirting, Fighting and Fibbing Can Improve Your Relationship]]>
-Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes vowed to never go to bed angry.  But sometimes that’s just what you need to strengthen your relationship.  Fighting is cleansing – it gets all the gunk out on the table that’s been building up.  The purpose of arguing is not to come to a consensus but to come to some clarification.  Once you both understand what the issue is you can work on how to solve it. But don’t “over fight” – know when to take a time-out, even if it is overnight.  Our emotions tend to get really worked up in the heat of an argument, and if we keep going we might say hurtful things that we don’t really mean.  Give each other that “time-out” signal when you start feeling overwhelmed or out of control.  It’s okay to take a break and re-visit the conversation with a clear head.  Then you’re more likely to get resolution.  Why stay up all night yelling at each other?

- Honesty is key to any intimate relationship.   But you can still bend the truth for the sake of being kind.  If your husband asks if you find some young hunk in your office attractive, what is he really saying?  He’s asking for assurance that you are still attracted to the old guy you married!  So rather than going on about how handsome your co-worker is, you can turn it around and say: “He’s not my type, you’re my type!” or something similar.   Maybe the guy is your type, but since you honestly intend to stick with your husband, that little lie helps to uphold the greater truth, which is that you love your husband and you don’t want to hurt his feelings.

]]> <![CDATA[Married Valentines]]> What to do when you've already done it all?  Some romance tips:
-glow in the dark stars on the ceiling
-rose petals in the bathtub
-couples massage
-exchange blank books - each of you writes down happy memories and things you love about the other person - and leave them on the bookshelf so you can continue writing the books and the other person can go in and read theirs every once in awhile.  Put in ticket stubs, cut out cartoons from the newspaper to include - anything that will make your partner smile.
-Make a "mix CD" of songs from when you were dating, when you were married, etc.
-picnic dinner in bed - only foods you eat with your fingers
-get the car washed, fill it up with gas, and put a card and flower on the dashboard.  Sometimes the simplest things are the most thoughtful, and mean the most when you're both busy working etc.
-When celebrating with kids: heart shaped pizza, heart shaped pasta, heart shaped cookies or cake
-leave candy kisses or those little valentine heart conversation candies everywhere for little surprises all day - in his pocket, in her purse, in the silverware drawer, taped with a love note to the bathroom mirror, in the car, etc.
-sent romantic text messages!  It's not just for teenagers anymore... adults can learn to text or IM and send sweet signals!  Or send a photo or yourself with an "I love you" sign.
-buy an instructional dance DVD, move the furniture back, and have a dancing date!  Or just crank up your favorite tunes from high school or college days.  Be prepared to laugh!  If you want to go all out, set the mood twinkle lights or a mini mirror ball.
-Get a henna (temporary) tattoo of your spouse's name on your shoulder
-make a personal "I love you" screensaver or wallpaper and have it up on your honey's computer when they turn it on in the morning

]]> <![CDATA[Break-Up Tips]]>
Be kind, and be honest. Don't make up any stories or come up with excuses.  Be direct.  Use "I" words rather than "you" words.  For example: "I think our relationship has run its course and I'm ready to move on," rather than "You are a lazy slob."  No name calling, and no ABCs (assuming, blaming, complaining).

 
Is it best to do it in person? Is it o.k. to write a letter or do it over the phone? What about e-mail?  Is it possible to still stay friends? If we already live together how do we split everything equally and remain civilized.

It's best to break up in person, but you can use as a guideline how long you've been together and how close you've been.  If you've just been dating a few weeks and haven't been intimate, then a phone call is acceptable, but not a voice mail.  Never e-mail!  And be careful what you put in writing, you don't know who will read it.  It is possible to stay friends if that is what you both want.  Sometimes one party is hurt by the break-up, which makes it difficult.  In that case some time apart to heal is best.  If you live together, spend a Saturday figuring out what is "his," "hers," and "ours."  The person who is moving out gets first choice in picking what to take from the "ours" pile.  Remind yourselves that you are both adults and act with rationality rather than emotion.  And remember that time really does heal all wounds, so even if it feels terrible at the moment, it will get better.

]]> <![CDATA[Conversation Starters]]>
-"Which reality show would you rather be on and why? Survivor, Amazing Race, The Apprentice, The Bachelor?"
-"What is your favorite holiday and why?"
-"If you had $100,000 and you had to spend it in 3 days what would you spend it on?"
-"Which birthday of yours do you remember the most?"
-"Who is your favorite author/actor/humanitarian, etc. and why?"
-"Your first car/kiss/crush/job, etc?"
-"2 weeks off paid and a round trip ticket anywhere in the world - where do you go?"
]]> <![CDATA[The Romantic Bedroom]]> -Sight: romantic lighting is a must.  Candlelight is always good, or toss a pink scarf over the lampshade, or try the warm glow of a salt crystal lamp.  Stash the clutter away - remember the bedroom is for sleeping, not working - this is not the place for your desk or laptop!
-Sound: Background music, or ocean waves or the sound of the rainforest - something exotic playing that can help you get in the groove.
-Touch: Cozy pillows, soft sheets, a fur throw, and a little box by the bed filled with a silk scarf, a feather, rose petals, or whatever extra little somethings you prefer.
-Taste: For before or after romance, or maybe during romance, have on hand a bottle of champagne, some fresh fruit, dark chocolate, anything you and your partner might crave.
-Smell: Sensual scents include sandalwood, rose, patchouli, and cinnamon!  You can get the aromatherapy with a candle, incense, massage oil, or an essential oil mixed in your bath.]]> <![CDATA[Romantic Holiday Gift Guide]]> Here at CoffeyTalk, we love relationships!  And now that we’re headed towards the holiday season, I thought we’d look at some romantic gift ideas.  I’ve found some really fun, original, and even spicy ideas that make shopping a breeze!


-Liquid Chocolat:  What is more romantic than cuddling by the fireplace?  Sipping some yummy hot chocolate while you’re there!  Hotel Chocolat’s “Caramel Kiss Mix” is amazing.  It comes in a pretty jar (perfect for stocking stuffing), so you can see the luscious dark and milk chocolate flakes mixed in with the precious white chocolate hearts.  So sweet!  You’ll fall in love with these rich flavors.


-U-Star: Is your significant other carried away by romance novels?  Now the two of you can star in a personalized romance/erotic novel!  The novels range from tame romantic to “steamy” erotic novels.  Users simply select what type of novel they’d like to customize then answer a series of personalized questions about themselves and their partner.  Take turns reading to each other.


-Mark Your Calendar: A company called “Not Just Any Old Day” has a line of calendar key charms and calendar keepsakes.  With these items, your special day, whether it is an anniversary, birthday, or some other occasion, is marked with a beautiful stone on a little calendar of that month.  A great way to remember!  One of my favorites is the key necklace – keys have such significance and they are a symbol of unlocking the door to the heart.


-More than a card:  With Hallmark’s new Print on Demand program you pick out a card, then personalize it by editing the text, adding photos, songs and more.  Then you can upload any addresses you want it sent to, and they’ll stamp it and put it in the mail for you!

-Arousal Oils: Topically applied Zestra is a safe, patented blend of the highest quality botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to increase a woman's feelings of desire and arousal. Zestra heightens your sensitivity to touch – for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.  It comes in individual packets so it’s neat, convenient and travels easily. 


-vivabox: This is really two gifts in one – and SO much better than a gift card!  You get a box of samples to wrap and give to your special someone.  Then they get to go through the samples and order the ones that they want, as part of their gift!  You choose a “theme” box from a selection of wines, teas, fragrances, spa services and much more.  And the recipient gets to sample a few wonderful items, and select which they would love to have.


-Wrap it up!  Beautiful wraps, designs and imports from Peru, Inca Textiles by Carmela Pinillos.  Warm, stylish and making a positive impact on the world - $1 of your purchase goes to help provide education and food for the poor children of Peru. 


-Better Beverages:  BevWizard is an instant decanter.  It’s a nice little tool to partner with any bottle and get a smoother taste out of it.  The secret is magnets, which can change the molecular structure of a wine’s tannins.  So a “less expensive” bottle of wine tastes a lot more expensive. www.bevwizard.com


-Kosher Soy Candles: Milena’s Candles are longer-burning, cleaner, soot-free, chemical-free, use 100% cotton wicks, and are scented with essential oils.  And wow, the amazing fragrances!  I love the chocolate scent – all the decadence and none of the calories!  www.milenasboutique.com


-Jewelry:  There’s no substitute for jewelry, something about it just makes a girl feel more beautiful.  Amanda Jaron has the most gorgeous collections, and everything looks like it’s made just for you.  Every piece is so natural and personal and absolutely elegant.  You can choose high-end or affordable, vintage or modern, A. Jaron has just what you want, something you will love and love to wear all the time.  Check out the cupcake rings, one of my favorites!


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