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Lost in P-Town

Question

Dear Lissa,

First off I wanted to say I have read many self help books over my 51 years and found “Closure and the Law of Relationship” to be the only book that truly touch me. I found so many things in this book to guide me in my journey and where I want to be.

I have been marry for nearly 13 years to a good man. I married later in life and my husband already had 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Over the years we have had our ups and downs. We met at work and became friends having a beer after work and even doing things on the weekend. We ended up moving in together and things just grew from there.

The reason I’m writing is over the past 3 years I have started to look at my relationship with him more as a friendship. We have no passion and our communication skills with each other is terrible. I love him although I know I want more. Today we are on such different paths in our lives but I don’t know how to tell him without hurting him. He thinks going away for a night is the answer when I know it is so much more than that. I live everyday with the guilt on what to do as I know if I tell him my true feelings he will be hurt, the girls and his family. My entire life I have always done what is the best for the other person and not myself. I don’t know how to talk to him to let him know I’m not happy and want to move on. I’m afraid of being alone, but also I feel I have lost who I am as a person. My life became his life and need to fine me again.

Any words of encouragement?

Sincerely, lost

 

Answer

Thank you for writing. 

Before you give up – try going to therapy.  I have discovered a wonderful process in a book called “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson.  It’s all about connecting emotionally.

You and your husband are in this together.  You need to work on your relationship together.  Communication, letting each other understand what you are feeling, is an important part of a marriage.  I think “Hold Me Tight” will help you both talk with each other, and to express that need for each other.  I have seen it bring couples much closer together, so that their bond is strengthened.

 

Thinking of you and sending love,

Lissa