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Lookin for answers in NJ

Question

Hi Lisa,

I’ve known this girl for almost 5 years. We were never really good friends but we got along great. We finally went out on a couple dates recently and I thought things were going well. Her sisters threw her a birthday party at their apartment in the city and I was invited among many others. When I got there i soon realized that her ex was there as well. They had been together for years and had only broken up in the last 6 months, I didn’t know what to do or say. I got the impression she didn’t want to talk to me and that made me upset, I was wrong in assuming that, she wanted me there. I drank way too much and got completely blackout drunk. I was told the following day that I embarrassed her in front of everyone with my actions. Apparently I grabbed a girl on the ass. Then when we all went out to a bar and I danced with this girl’s best friend, and by dancing I mean grinding on her and dancing provocatively. Not only that but I ignored the girl I like because I was under the impression that with her ex there it was over between us. I was wrong. She was incredibly hurt by my actions, as she should be, and was embarrassed to even know me. When I found out what I did I called her to talk about it. She basically told me that she knows she isn’t a perfect person but that she would NEVER do that to someone she cared about. I apologized so many times and told her that I’m not like this. She’s known me for 5 years and she even told me that she has never seen me like that before. I kept telling her how ashamed I am and how it was one mistake on one night, and that I am not that kind of guy and I never will be. Needless to say she is upset. She told me she doesn’t hate me but she doesn’t feel the same way about me. We have hung out a couple times since with our group of mutual friends and she seems fine, we joke around and talk just like we used to. On saturday night I dropped her off last and we talked awhile. She told me that she thought of me as a guy who would protect her from anything, a guy who would make her laugh when she was sad, the kind of guy who would make her happy no matter what. I got very emotional from what she said, because I can see how much I let her down. I regret everything I did and I feel so ashamed of myself as it is, but after our talk I felt even worse. WE both got emotional and she told me that she feels as if she would have no self-respect if we were to date again. I told her to just tell me if there was no hope for us to date again but she told that was not the case. She even got upset because she felt bad that I was taking it so hard. She even tried to get me to smile cause she didn’t want to see me upset. We ened up joking around for the last ten minutes of our conversation. She said that we are still friends and that she can’t say anything else for now. What do I do? What should I expect going forward? I really like her and I think she still likes me but she feels pressure from her sisters to keep her distance from me because they only know me from that one night. You thoughts, opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Lookin for answer in NJ

 

Answer

Hi!

You made a mistake, and now you are suffering the consequences.  But it sounds like you are doing all the right things, and trying to start over. No expectations, just take one day at a time.  You are going to have to prove yourself again, and it may take some time to regain this girl’s trust, and her sisters’ trust.  Just see what happens. My only advice is… don’t drink!  Stay away from the alcohol.  It’s just not worth it, as you have learned…

Good luck!

~Lissa