LATEST LETTER TO LISSA
Hi, I have been in a long-distance relationship (two separate states) for two years. By the 9th month, I found out (snooping in his email) that he had been emailing a couple of questionable women (who knew me) to go outdrinking but not say anything to me…when I finally asked him, he lied and said he didn’t. When I told him I knew, he copped to it and apologized. (We had already expressed exclusivity and said “I love you” months prior.) Throughout the next year, I’ve felt very distrustful during weekends and often question why he goes out to bars at night with his single guy friends. (He does not make contact with me during his evenings out) He says it’s because I’m not there and that he wouldn’t do it, of course, if I lived there. Or, we’d go out together. All along, we had been planning on me moving there within a year. We broke up once because of my distrust but then he missed me after 2 weeks and we got back together. Three months later, he went out with some men friends all night…then women friends and a photo popped up on his Facebook wall after he had been tagged. Nothing strange..but the woment were clearly single and he said they invited him. It just opened up a wound and I shared how uncomfortable it made me. He took the weekend to think about it and then he finally said he can’t change ‘who he is’ and that I clearly have trust issues and he broke up with me. It has been two weeks with absolutely NO contact at all but he hasn’t changed his relationship status on his Facebook wall. (Our photos are still up.) I’m devastated. Do I move on? Do I make that final break by taking him out of my life entirely? (No Facebook friendship, etc.)
To answer your question – yes, you move on.
Clearly, this wasn’t the guy for you. It’s just a shame it took you so long to see that. He basically wants to have his cake and eat it, too. The relationship was probably doomed from the start – he’s dishonest, that’s something innate in a person. And why is this long distance relationship going on for so long anyway? If you REALLY want to be together, then one person or the other makes whatever sacrifice is necessary and you’re together.
Facebook sure has complicated things with everyone! He probably hasn’t changed his status because he’s expecting you to come around and he can have some more cake! I’d say just unfriend him, cut your losses, find a nice guy who appreciates you and treats you well. When you are with someone who doesn’t lie you won’t have trust issues… trust me!