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Question

Hello

I am writing to you for relationship advice.I have been living with my boyfriend for 7yrs now.We have had sun rough times thru the relationship.But we have always enjoyed being together and making each other laugh.He is 18yrs older then me.I am 31.He was married before for about 12yrs and has kids with her.For me I have never date anyone before I met him.So he was my first true love.I have always thought about marriage.But for the last few months it seems as if we are growing apart.What advice might you have for me

 

Answer

Here are some questions you need to think about:
-You’ve been living together for seven years – why aren’t you married already?
-Do you want to have children?  And does this man want to have children with you?
-Are you staying with this man because of convenience, or do you still really love him?
-Are these “rough times” you’ve been through likely to happen again?

I think what has probably happened is that at age 31 you’re at a crossroads and now it’s decision making time.  Either get married, or move on.  What you really want is to be married, but maybe it’s not even possible with this man.  Maybe it is possible with someone else.  But you’ll never know unless you make yourself available.

It’s time to have a big heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend, and be clear about where you see yourselves going, as individuals, and as a couple.  With an 18 year age difference you’re each at very different places in your lives.  If you feel that you’ve been growing apart, then he is sure to feel it, too.

A relationship does need to grow, evolve, and change in order to survive.  If you’re just stagnant, the relationship will die.  Now is the time to make some big decisions.  I can’t tell you what to do, you have to figure that one out for yourself.

Good luck!
Love,
Lissa