Anger: its intensity can range from a minor irritation to all out rage. It’s a completely normal human emotion and yet when it’s out of control anger can be hurtful to us in so many ways.
Where does anger come from, what causes us to feel angry, what pushes our buttons? And why?
Anger starts when we sense some sort of a perceived threat. Back in the cave man days, this was a survival instinct, like the fight or flight response. But today, the threats we face are a little more complex than a mere bear in the woods. It’s a good idea to look at what triggers our anger so that we can figure out where we feel vulnerable and deal with that.
Letting out anger by yelling or punching a pillow might sound like a viable solution, but studies show that expressing anger actually increases aggression. At the same time, repressing the emotion can cause ourselves all kinds of problems including high blood pressure, depression or anxiety. When teenagers lose their temper or squash their feelings of anger, they are more likely to be overweight. Why? Researchers say that angry kids often calm themselves with carbohydrate-rich or fatty foods.
So clearly, we are in need of tools to cope with our stress, and the anger that may crop up because of it. We can’t get rid of the things or people that make us mad, but we can learn to control our reactions in any given situation.
Relaxation strategies can help keep anger from getting the best of us. These include deep breathing, meditation, and visualization. The Dalai Lama recommends a practice he calls analytic meditation, a type of meditation where we use reasoning. Using our intelligence in this way can help us to overcome our anger and get back to a positive state of mind.
We can also learn to restructure our thinking. Instead of identifying with the anger, by saying: “I am angry,” recognize anger as an emotion that passes through us and say: “I feel angry.” Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix the problem, and it could make things a lot worse. Don’t worry about how to solve the problem, which can be frustrating. Instead, focus on how you can handle the problem.
When we get angry we tend to jump to conclusions, often the wrong conclusions. Take some time to slow down and think about what you want to say before you blurt out the first thing that comes into your mind.
Everyone gets angry, and that’s not going to change. It’s a natural part of our human behavior. But by honoring our anger, and learning to express it in a healthy way, we can learn from the experiences that come our way and grow from them as well.
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