Hi Lisa

I'm really hope you can help me out. I'm scared I've lost the love of my life forever and I'm willing to do anything to win her back.

 I'll try to explain the story as short as possible. Three years ago, when I was a junior in high school, I went to a national conference in Washington D.C. for a week with a couple hundred other students from around the country. The last night there, there was a formal dance and I met a wonderful red-head named Haely. We danced the whole night and spent time together in the airport the next day. Unfortunately, she lives in Florida and I in Indiana.

We had a very cliche romantic kiss goodbye in the airport and promised to call each other when we got back to our respective homes. So we did and began talking every night. It wasn't long before we really fell for each other. Over the next couple years, we wrote to each other, talked constantly, and visited each other all the time. A true fairy tale.

Granted we weren't perfect. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. But we were strong and got through everything.  

  Last fall it was my first year at college. Beforehand, we had talked about being able to see other people, but I never really did. It was tough for the first few months for her because I didn't have enough time to talk at first, but by Thanksgiving we were able to fix and we were back to normal.

This summer, in August, she stayed at my place for a week. We had always taken our physical relationship slowly, and we had finally decided to make love for the first time while camping in the woods behind my house. Not meaning to brag, but it was fantastic, and we did it more during the week she was there. 

When she left, we made plans for her to visit my home during Thanksgiving, and we were both really excited about it. This fall is her first year for college, and she's going to American University in DC. She's a girl that has been looking forward to college all her life, so she's been very excited. Again, we talked about being able to see other people if we wanted, but we were both dedicated to each other.

At first, everything was fine. We still talked a lot. She saw the band Muse in concert (one of my favorites) at the end of September, and she texted me afterwards saying how she wanted to have them playing in the background the next time we had sex when she was here for Thanksgiving. Of course, I had zero problem with this.

Unfortunately, that same week, I was put on antibiotics by the Student Health. They gave me really bad stomach aches that caused a great deal of pain. Of course, she's my best friend too, and she was the first one I wanted to go to for help. But by this time, she had gotten incredibly busy. She had school, student organizations, two jobs, and numerous theatre shows. She seems constantly busy and stressed. So whenever I tried to talk to her, she just seemed preoccupied and I felt like I was being a nuisance.

Our conversations started to spiral down. I began to feel insecure with her and was constantly asking for verification that she still cared about me. I realize that this was a big mistake. During the second week of October, I kind of backed off.

That Friday night, she texted me about how she missed her family. It turns out that her complete dad's side of the family is going to home at her grandparents' house in upstate New York for Thanksgiving. This includes cousins she hasn't seen in years, one of whom she missed their wedding. Her grandparents are also in bad shape, and this might be the last time she gets to see them

So of course I was heartbroken, but I was very understanding and was ok with her going there instead. I mean, family is more important. Towards the end of the conversation, I made a comment about Muse having to wait. She didn't saying anything to that, which was out of her character, but I didn't push it.

That weekend after talking with my parents, I decided not to initiate any contact with her and give her space. Nothing from her Sunday or Monday. Finally Tuesday she starts a Facebook chat with me. Then all of a sudden, she tells me that she’s started seeing someone. Which of course broke my heart a little, but it’s something we agreed to do and I’m ok with it. I was just kind of in shock right now about how quickly this has happened. 

I mean, two weeks ago she made the Muse comment. I asked her why she didn't say anything about that she said she didn't really think about that kind of stuff anymore. When I asked, with me or in general, she says a little bit of both. I mean, I don’t know what happened. How did everything dissolve in two weeks? I want to understand. I’m trying to understand.

It got worse. I was talking to a friend of Haely’s Saturday night, who talked to Haely recently. I had already seen the picture of this new guy and Haely together at Cedar Point. Part of me didn’t want to, but other part had to know who had replaced me. 

Well I guess Haely told her friend that she considers her and I over. My heart completely stopped. At that point, I had to talk to her. So the next day, I texted her at first asking her if she could talk to me that night, but then changed it to needing to talk.

So we did late that night. It was painful for me, especially because it didn’t seem to hurt her as much as it was me. She basically said that she couldn’t handle the responsibility of making me happy. Which doesn’t make sense because I don’t need her to make me happy.

I couldn’t believe it. After almost three years of surviving a long distance relationship, she was giving up. I nearly broke down and cried while talking to her. I was just in shock. Everything we had ever seen together, done together, overcome together, seemed to not matter to her anymore. Or if it did, she felt that I wasn’t important enough to her to be a part of her life and her future anymore. Two weeks ago she said I was the only duck in her pond. Well now it seems that not only is there another duck, but I’m not even in the pond anymore.

I couldn't take much more of her tormenting me so I deleted her from my phone and Facebook. I dream about her all the time and sometimes I keep thinking about her with another guy and it drives me crazy. I've just looking for any help I can get. I love this girl more than anything else, and I'm willing to do whatever to prove to her that we can be happy again, like we were before. Please, if there's any advice you can give me, I'd appreciate it more than you know. We were so happy before. I know we can be happy again. I just want to get one more chance.

I want that more than anything else. Just one more chance to hold her. Look into her eyes. See her smile.

Thank you so much

Dylan Buell

P.S. If you would like to read a more complete story of our past, visit http://tlgls.blogspot.com 

First of all... breathe.  Keep this in perspective.  You are young, healthy, and you have an amazing future ahead of you.  It looks like this particular relationship has run its course - and that's ok.  Think of all the great things you learned from it.  You are probably a better person, and you will be a better boyfriend/husband/partner whenever all that happens, because of this experience. 

You are both learning.  It doesn't matter why it didn't last longer. The important thing is that you had this role in an important relationship in your life.  You've come full circle, and have grown because of it. 

So now what?  Now you focus on you, focus on school, join some groups, get involved in activities - and I'll bet you'll be meeting lots of girls in no time.  Just resist the urge to jump into another serious relationship for awhile.  Give yourself some time to breathe, to learn more about yourself, what you want, and what you are looking for in a relationship.  College is a great time to just DATE.  What a concept, huh?  

Count your blessings - enjoy your family over the holidays - use your energy creatively.  You have a lot to give!  Get involved in some service organizations, volunteer.  See the big picture, and you'll learn to be grateful for the time you had with this girl, and let her go with love, and move on to all the other wonderful things life has to offer you.

Hi Lisa,

I recently met a man(March 09)who has been divorced four years, after a 25yr. marriage, with one grown daughter.  We are both in our fifties.  He said he wanted a significant other in his life and was ready to date.  I am the first person he has dated since his divorce.  We took things slowly and got to know each other as friends first.  After four months of a very wonderful friendship we took things to a sexual level, and he freaked out emotionally and distanced himself.  Now that he has had time to poder his emotions, he says he probably wasn't ready to date and that he believes he is emotionally unavailable, but would like to be friends because he really likes me and feels blessed to have me in his life.  So, with that background information I am wondering what advise you may have for me?  I have a full life with many friends and I am wanting a committed long term relationship, not another friend.  I told him we could be friends, but now I'm not so sure I can do that as I have strong feelings for this man, and am very disappointed by the recent events.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Disappointed in Sacramento

If he's not ready to date after being divorced for four years, then this guy has some bigger issues than you're qualified to handle - he needs to see a therapist.  If you stick around, I'm afraid you're in for a lot of years of waiting around and he may never be ready. He may be a great guy, but he's not "committed long term relationship" material.  It's a good thing you found out now.  At this point, you need to distance yourself from him.  You and he want different things in life, and that's okay.  You need to date men who are on the same page as you are.  Tell your other friends that you're back on the market, and keep your eyes open, you never know when or where you'll meet someone!

Hugs,

Lissa

I have a boyfriend of over two years. Last year I moved to Europe with him because of his job, we lived together there and got along fine, I even heard from his friends that he was looking at engagement rings. But that job didn't work out so well and he took another job in Korea instead. He asked me to go with him but the only thing I would be able to do there is teach english which i really didn't want. So I went to China instead where my father is and we started doing long distance. He became very insecure and we started having some problems. I do realize I could have done better to make him feel more secure. We broke up towards end of 08, but we never stopped talking with each other. He saw a couple of girls after and told me they were rebounds because he was too sad and needed distractions, which I understand and have no problems with. Finally we decided that we still love each other a lot and will try to work things out again. We met in San Francisco about two weeks ago and spent four days together, when we were planning the trip he said he had butterflies in his stomach and can't wait to see me, and that if I couldn't go to SF I should go to Toronto (where he's from) and I would have met his families. During the trip it was like we never separated, he was very loving everything was perfect. After SF he went to Toronto to see his families, scheduled to come back to US and we would meet again. One week after he left a girl from Korea calls him one morning and says she's pregnant. He called me, told me the news, says he's going to do "the right thing" aka marrying her, and has been avoiding me since. I tried emailing him but he wouldn't reply any of them, I gave up trying to talk to him after 3 days. I'm not convinced that his feelings for me changed overnight, and I love him so much I'm willing to accept a "step-child", even to have the child living with us. He's a Canada borned and raised Korean, she's a korean who barely speaks english, they've seen each other for 5 months top and she knew he wanted to come back to me. I can't stop feeling that he's making a mistake but I don't know how to convince him that! I know being a good father has always been important to him because his own father didn't treat them very well growing up, so I know he's kind of excited about the idea of being a father, and thinks it's important to provide the child a healthy family to grow up in. I'm glad he's taking responsibility but I don't want to lose him. He had always told me that we're meant to be and there's no one better for him, and I can't think of anyone else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. But he's not talking to me! Should I give up and move on even though I really don't want to and can't imagine doing right now?

Not every relationship is meant to be happily ever after.  You've tried your best, but as much as you'd like it to work, it takes two to be in it, and he's not in it anymore. 

You could analyze like crazy trying to figure out where you two went astray -  Maybe he shouldn't have taken a job in Korea, maybe you should have gone with him, maybe he shouldn't have dated around so much, maybe you shouldn't have tried to re-connect in San Francisco... but none of that matters.  What happened, happened, and that's the way it is, you can't change it.  And now he is very clear in his decision to end things with you and try to make it work with this other woman.  So you really need to move on.  Take care of yourself.  Chalk this up to lessons learned.  And know that when it's right, it's not so difficult to work things out and be together because it is something you both want at the same time.  Your heart will heal, and you will love again.

Love,

Lissa

Hi Lissa,

I did the online test, and I have your book.

However, I have a problem!!!

I got body    Mind:

Vata   1        Vata  6

Pitta   5        Pitta  2

Kapha 6       Kapha 4 

To my mind, it could easily be Vata or Pitta - the results are so close.

Are results usually this close?

Should I be looking at the others too?

Someone once said to me that I was a bit unusual in that I had my left and right sides of my brain were fairly equal.

Any comments?

Namaste

Clem Clarke

Perth

You look at the overall dosha first, and according to these results, you are a Kapha - since you scored Kapha 10, Vata 7, Pitta 7.  Then you look at the individual results, and you seem to have more Kapha in your body and more Vata in your mind.  So I would say that you are a Kapha first, Vata second, Pitta third.  Basically follow the Kapha routine, and then when you feel that your Vata is out of balance, when you feel nervous, or are traveling, or cold, then follow the Vata recommendations.  In the summer, if you get overheated, follow more of the Pitta routine.

Results are very individual.  Your dosha is like your fingerprint, one of a kind.  This test is very elementary, just for your own general knowledge and as an introduction to Ayurveda.  To get a specific diagnosis, you need to consult an ayurvedic practitioner, who will take your pulse, look in your eyes, look at your tongue, and ask you many, many more questions!

I don't know about the right and left sides of the brain so much - it sounds like you are both analytical and creative, which is a good thing!

Hope that helps!  There are lots more articles and information up on the whatsyourdosha.com website.

Namaste,

Lissa

Aloha from Kauai, I have lost the link to the clap clap clap exercise that was on one of your newsletters a while back. Would it be possible for you to let me know how to find it again? 

Thank you so much, Sandy 

Hi, Sandy!

I'm not sure which newsletter you're referring to... I have archives of old newsletters here:

http://www.coffeytalk.com/articles/newsletter_archives.php which go through December '08.  I'll be posting January 09 through June 09 shortly.

If you can't find it, write me with more info and I'll track it down for you!

Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

Dearest Lissa,

I've been confused like this for quite sometime. You see, i met this guy last month and we started going out and all, and we still do. I started liking him, but i didnt tel him, since it'll freak him out to tell him that i like him only 3 weeks after we started meeting, u know. Actuall, i used to work with him, but he's now working somewhere else, and i have already quit too because of school. Anyways, we talk everyday for long hours,w share a lot and have fun together... we laugh and we do have a lot to share. We kissed too.

Anyways, last night he was like "i believe we should take things slower, i mean we only know each other for like a month or so, so we better be friends-for the time being" this got me really confused coz i dont see him as a friend, u know, i want him to be more than that :) but keep in mind, he is just out of a relationship, he just broke up with his ex in April... so you think this has to do with what he said to me on the phone last night (mentioned above)???

Please let me know what to do, and how to act... coz i can see both of us :)

Thanks

The best thing you can do is to listen to this guy, and believe him.  Slow it down if that's what makes him more comfortable.  You're not in a rush.  Continue to be friendly and sweet.  And then just see what happens.  If it is meant to be it will be!  Meanwhile, you're getting to know each other better.

Love,

Lissa

GOOD MORING LISA AND GOD BLESS!!! MAY YOUR BIRTHDAY TOMORROW BE FILLED WITH LOVE, JOY, PEACE AND ALL THE GREATNESS THAT LIFE IS ABOUT TO SEND YOUR WAY. HAPPY  BIRTHDAY EARLY AND HAVE A GREAT ONE!!!!

LOVE AND PEACE,

TOWANDA M. ALLEN

Thank you!

Hugs,

Lissa

Dear Lissa.

Remember i told you once about this guy with the different religion whom i like??? Well, we went together to a convention for 4 days in the beginning of the current month. We bonded more, and stuff. However, there was this girl (she's a foreigner) who told him that she loves him. And actually started acting weird with me. Like started throwing words at me, throwing unnecessary glares and stares. Started asking him if we're together... stuff like that. She was jealous coz we were together all the time, because i didnt know anyone in the whole covention and he didnt want me to feel at not ease, and he told that girl that im his "best friend". So, just yesterday i found that she has been gossiping about me with another girl, who was in the convention too, on facebook. They were corresponding in German calling me with sarcasm "die beste Freundin" I dont know what made me go to google and translate the text to English. There i found out that she has been talking about me all along. When i told him about what happened he said "they could be talking about someone else" yet, im damn sure that it's me, coz she says things bout me tht i told other ppl, u know!!!! Now this thing has beeen driving me nuts since last night. U knw it's rude to be talking behind ppl's backs... esp with a different language.

Yes one more thing. During the convention, this friend of mine and i sat together and he asked me whether i love him or not. But i had to lie and let him believe that he's just my close friend. I was afraid that he'd freak out because, u know, of the different religions issue. I was afraid he'd just tell me to stop being friends... and the worst thing is that i miss him every second of the day. I want to always see him and be with him... It's so complicated.

Please help me out....

Confused (yet again)

You need to be honest with this person.  Figure out if religion is an issue for him.  Figure out if it is an issue for you.  The best relationships start with friendship.

 Dear Lisa or one of your many staff member is it possible to get a

Daily Mahjong Tile Reading on your horscope sign? That way I will know it

is for my sign pisces.

Thank you very much for you time. Have a great day.

P.S. When chooseing a news letter from your site is it still possible to get

only those one every day? 

sincerely, Jeanine

Hi, Jeanine!

We have several different Mahjong readings on the site, but none that specifically addresses astrological signs.  I can't make the system do that.  Sorry!

Re: the newsletters - we have 3 different newsletters.  Wisdom News comes out Monday through Friday.  What's Your Dosha comes out on Tuesday, and CoffeyTalk comes out on Wednesday.  You can get any or all of the newsletters, your choice.  At the bottom of your newsletter there's a link that says "update preferences" just click that and you can add or subtract what subscriptions you want.  Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

Dear Lissa,

I have this thing going on for almost 2 months now. You see, i became friends with an amazing guy... he's perfect. We're friends, really good friends. However, i think im starting to like him. I just dont want to coz there's no way on Earth we'll be together coz he has a different religion, and i cant be with someone who has a differnt religion, u know!!

So i dont want to lose this great friend i gained, but yet still i feel happy when he calls and i miss him like hell when he travels or gets busy. What should i do??

Thanks

CONFUSED !!

Hi!

I understand that it is your culture which prevents you having a relationship with someone of a different religion.  Here in the U.S., religion is not such an issue.  Many couples have varying religious backgrounds.  Diversity can be a very good thing, it keeps a relationship interesting.  Having a friendship is a good basis for a relationship. You might want to talk with your friend about how you are feeling, and see if he feels the same way.  Maybe you could solve this dilemma together.  Sometimes it can be difficult for men and women to be friends because there is this attraction, and one or the other wants it to be more than a friendship.  But it is not impossible.  There is a difference between lust and love.  Leave lust out of the equation and you can be friends quite nicely.

Good luck!

Love,

Lissa

Lissa:

My wife thinks I am obese because I love to eat an entire box of twinkies at night in bed before we have sex. I do this about three times a week. I am 5' 10" and weight 268 lbs. She thinks I have lost my sex appeal. What should I do?

What should you do?  You should stop eating Twinkies.  Period.  Not even one - and certainly not a whole box.  That's not just an unhealthy habit, it's just plain gross!  Quit buying them!  If you just change this one thing, I'll bet you'd start to lose weight.  Your wife is having sex with you three times a week even though she is not sexually attracted to you?  Don't you want to please her?  You really need to listen to this woman.  Start taking care of yourself.  Be more conscious of your diet.  Eat fruits and vegetables in abundance.  Cut down on red meat and sweets.  And EXERCISE!  Start by taking walks or bike rides with your wife.  You really need to do something aerobic every single day.  You'll find that you not only lose weight, but that you feel better, have more energy, and be happier in general.

 Take action now.  Before you gain any more weight, before your wife loses all interest in you.  A marriage is a partnership.  You can work on this together and you'll both be happier.  And you'll live a happy, healthy and long life TOGETHER.

Love,

Lissa

Aloha Lisa,

Just a note to your readers, listeners, lookers, and especially your thinkers to reveal that Hawaii is the only place on earth where The Spirit of Aloha is an integral part of the culture.

Aloha is the reason I choose to live in Honolulu.

I experienced Aloha on my first visit to Hawaii, and on every visit since - so I retired here.

On my first visit I was driving my rental car in Hilo (Hawaii's Second Largest City) and stopped at a red light.  I began to daydream, and when I realized I had been sitting through three changes of the light I glanced in my rearview mirror and SAW CARS WAITING IN LINE FOR AS FAR BACK AS I COULD SEE.  No one honked, and when i snapped out of it and moved forward - so did everyone else.

PS  Barack Obama grew up in Honolulu.

I have been to Hawaii many times and it is one of my favorite places in the whole world!  The whole Kahuna magic is absolutely fascinating.  Lucky you that you get to LIVE there!  Aloha love to you, and much mahalo for writing!

Hugs,

Lissa

Hi Lissa,

Just to let you know I find your articles fun and informative.  You have a lovely smiling face and are a great inspiration.

I have this problem/thought/idea, not sure how to classify it. But, simply put, winter depressed me, I find no joy in it, just now reading one of your links I saw one with things to do in summer, I nearly cried.  I am in Australia and winter is fast approaching.  Summer is always short lived here in Melbourne, unlike of course our Northern neighbours.  I try to thing positive about it, but as soon as I feel a chill or see a drop of rain I just feel so so low.

This has bought me to thinking, would this be because in my last life I was from a Mediterannean country, I am Italian so of course that would explain my love for the sun - but I have nearly always lived in Melbourne - apart from my 10 year stint in Italy - which I totally loved. 

How can I get these horrible thoughts out of my head, how can I stay  happy even during winter, I have worked out how to stay warm at least, buy a much thicker coat this winter.  But I find that I am the odd one out, Melbournians are always saying how wonderful it is that the weather changes often, it is hot one day and the next it is cold and they say, \'thank god for that\' - I find myself really not on the same wavelength at all, not in the least. 

What can I do - apart from moving of course, to combat this \'anger\' over winter.  I have never felt like this before.  Because last year we had no warm weather and a very long winter and also working in a freezing office, it has really made me nervous.  I even got very sick last year with the flu and a nasty cough -which I have never had.  Is something happening to me that I am unaware of.

I know it is a strange question,but it has been bugging me for a year now.  Any insight?

Namaste

Patricia

Hi!

Thanks for writing.  This is not a strange question - a lot of us can relate!  It sounds like you are a Vata.  If you don't know what that is, go to whatsyourdosha.com to take the quiz and find out.  Vatas have an aversion to cold and dry weather.  Fortunately, there is a lot you can do about it so that you don't have to suffer!

1.  All year, but especially during the winter, follow the Vata routine.  There is more information about this on the site, but basically: eat warm, cooked foods.  Do abhyanga (warm sesame oil self-massage) DAILY.  Stay warm, especially your feet and hands and ears.  Keep a regular routine.  Get lots of sleep.  Minimize travel and stress.  Meditate twice a day.

 2. Part of the problem in the winter is that we have the heater on, and that dries out the air.  Use a humidifier at night to help you sleep without drying out your throat.  Moisturize your skin.  Sip on hot/warm water with lemon throughout the day.  Use saline spray in your nose.  Use sesame oil in your ears. If you're in an office all day, bring a mister to mist your face and space to add some moisture to the air.

3. Wear natural fabrics, and layer.  Cotton is wonderful - layer upon layer, and you can top it off with something warmer like wool, cashmere, or a blend, but keep cotton next to your skin.

4. Get out in natural sunlight every day to avoid SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) which can make you feel depressed.  For places that miss sunlight for more than a day or two, you may want to invest in a special full-spectrum light.  This really makes a big difference.  Gaiam.com has a good selection - if you do an online search I'm sure you can find an Australian company that makes the  same thing.

5. Decorate your house with warm, calming colors - lots of yellows and greens.  Put up photos and paintings of tropical settings, sunshine, beaches, anything that makes you feel happy and warm.  Use aromatherapy of summer fragrances like pineapple, and orange, that remind you of the warmth.  Keep fresh flowers around - things that make you smile, like daisies, that look fresh and pretty and happy.

And keep in mind that winter is temporary!  It doesn't last forever. :-)

Let me know how you are doing...

Hugs,

Lissa

hey, my girlfriend broke up with me because i flirted with her cousin but wat happened is that her cousin touched my butt and i touched her back and thats it. now my ex says shes 4givin me and and doesnt wanna get back with me because im gonna hurt her again but i kno im not goin 2 do that and i love her very every much all im tryin 2 do is 2 get a second chance but shes a tough cookie 2 convice ive written her love letters and talked 2 her on the phone but she says she doesnt do second chances and she said that she will alwayz have love 4 me i need your help on getting her back because i dont wanna loose her.  wat do i do!?

I think at this point you've done everything you can do to explain yourself and to make it up to her.  Now you just have to let it go.  If your former girlfriend wants you back, she'll come to you.  Anything more you do now would pretty much just be annoying and push her away further.  She's made herself clear.  So move on with your life.  Lesson learned.

Love,

Lissa

Dear Lissa,

I wrote to you once before because I have such a difficult time pronouncing the names and

just now I found your site on YouTube and you were demostrating a salad. 

I have not been blessed with the gift of hearing and without Closed Caption I miss everything.

Do you have a site where I can find your salad recipe or "read" conversations?

Thank you very much, Lissa

Vivian

Hi, Vivian!

I have recipes up on familyeveryday.com in the Coffey Kitchen.  You can read them there, and also share some of your own with our community.  The recipe for the Sunday Salad is very easy - it's really just the salad dressing, you can use any greens you like.

 1/4 cup rice vinegar

1/4 cup sesame oil

1 heaping tablespoon mellow white miso

Mix with a fork until creamy and pour on salad!

Re: discussions, I just started a CoffeyTalk group on facebook - so if you're on facebook, put CoffeyTalk in the search box and you'll find us!  It's a great group of people and there are some wonderful conversations going on.  

I will look into adding Closed Captioning to my videos, I think it's a good idea!  Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

Dearest Lissa,

What im going thru is pretty confusing. U c, i've been with a guy for over a year and a half, we had our ups and downs... and recently we broke up (late October 2008). And during that period, i talked with some other two guys, one of them was with me in some conference, and the other is someone whom i was introduced to thru some other friend, and he's technically in the family.

Anyhow, that guy i was with kinda wants things to work out, so we're trying again. And he knew that i was talking to those other guys, and he got really mad, obviously. And we almost had a fight over the phone a while ago. He said that he doesnt trust me and when i said that it's something in the past, he said "i dont trust you, i just dont"... and this really hurts me. I know he's hurt, but still dunno what to do to ease off his pain and make him regain trust to me. 

I really love him, and dont want to lose him, yet i cant find the right words to say... i feel that during the past year and a half i've talked a lot and nothing happened, i just want to act, u know? I really want things to work out between us, i know we're different, but different ppl also get along, right? I want all the fights to end... im tired, Lissa :(

What should i do, Lissa, seriously im lost... dont wanna hurt him anymore and i want him to trust me... please help me !!

Thanks

Without trust there is no relationship.  Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship.  Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn't trust you?  You are trustworthy!  And you know it.  This guy hurts you, and makes you feel bad about yourself.  You really have to look at your life and make your own decision if you want to continue like this or not.  You have options.  Life is too short to be struggling all the time.

Good luck!

~Lissa

Hi Lisa,  I really appreciate and love your coffee time emails.  I study Ayurvedia and also include it in my Unraveling.us practice.  I saw a advertisement for Ionic foot bath that you had on your website.  I would like to order one and liked the one you advertised. Could you send me a link to that unit again. Please...Char

Hi, Char!

If you go here:

http://www.coffeytalk.com/holiday-guide.php

You'll see the D-tox foot spa in the bottom half on the right side.

Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

I was on your call this morning with Suzanne Falter Barns and tried to order your guide with the coupon code you mentioned.  It would not accept it.  A little assistance?

Hi!

We did have a glitch with the system there for awhile - but it is all fixed now.  Thanks for letting me know.  You can still order the Marketing Secrets e-book at ezbookmarketing.com with the coupon code YES for a $3 discount.  Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

• Good morning Lissa! I\'ve seen you emails, but with life showing up I\'ve been relaxing for a change. Just wanted to share with you that you look great and I need to know what you are doing!! I think I need to get on the same band wagon!!! You look like you have transformed yourself and thats what I need. so unilt we chat again, take care, stay blessed, safe and keep up the great work!!!!

•       

                  Towanda M. Allen

Hi, Towanda!

Thank you for the compliment :-)  It's no secret... I am in love with Ayurveda!  It's the "Science of Life" from India and it explains the nature of everything in the universe.  You can learn all about it on my site: whatsyourdosha.com

Hugs and love to you!

~Lissa

Hi Lissa!

I\'m a friend of yours on Intent.com.  I always enjoy your posts.  Today I received an email from \"Think Holistic\"...imagine my surprise when I opened it to find your sunshiny smile within!  That ad sent me straight to your website; I hadn\'t checked it out before.

I just wanted to share how much I enjoy your style, your content and YOU in general!  Your website is fun, informative and entertaining.  Being the animal lover that I am (and being quite fond of tuning in the the spirits of the animals) I spent some quality time with your section on Animal Card Readings.  What a fun application!  Thanks for adding sparkles to my day.  :0)

In Harmony,

Debra (Soulitude on Intent)
www.earthharmonyhome.com
www.inhorseharmony.com

Hi, Debra!

It is indeed a small world, isn't it?  I visited your sites - they are beautiful!  I particularly love your mandalas.  Wow!

Thanks so much for connecting.

Hugs,

Lissa

Hello Lisa

What do you recommend to people who have 2 equally dominant doshas?

I am equally Kappha / Pita with a touch of Vata.

What do you recommend to follow with regards to various recommendations?

I have taken this quiz several times over the years and always have a tie between the 2.

Thanks

Hi!  I have some articles about double doshas up on my whatsyourdosha.com site:

http://www.whatsyourdosha.com/dbdoshas.html

And you will probably want to pay attention to your body and mind, and do the balancing that is needed at the time.  For example, if you feel lazy, or depressed, you have too much Kapha in you, so do Kapha balancing things.  If you are feeling angry, or frustrated, then there's too much Pitta.

 You can also follow the seasons - in Pitta season (heat) do more Pitta routine, and in Kapha season (moist) do more of the Kapha routine.

Hope that helps!  Thanks!

Hi Lisa

Just wondering:  in the Salty Lassi receipe the first line reads...1 teaspoonn ground.

What does that mean?  or is there a word missing?

Curious

Hi!

Sorry about that - In my haste to post the recipe I left out the ingredient!  It is supposed to be "ground ginger!"  Thanks for pointing it out to me, I have fixed it in the recipe, too.

Love,

Lissa

Dear Lissa, Hi there ! My name is Rich & I just saw you this past week on the M & J Show & I wanted to let you know that I think You looked Beautiful :) Also enjoyed your segments as well :) Take Care & Best Wishes !

Sincerely,

Rich

Thanks so much, Rich!

Hugs,

Lissa

Hi, i have been with my boyfriend for several months now but I have a jealosuy problem. I am jealous of his ex girlfriend. She's gorgeous and they have been together for 4 years (longer than our relationship) I feel like i always have to compete with my boyfriend's ex girlfriends. What should I do? He used to be really crazy about her and Im not sure if he still has some feelings left for her. What should I do? Please help me. thank you.

Jealousy is irrational.  What you need to do is to live in the present. In the present, your boyfriend is with you!  He is with you because he wants to be with you.  If he wanted to be with someone else, then he would be with someone else.  You need to understand that you are worthy of his love, and that you are fabulous yourself - you don't need to compare yourself to anyone else.  You are the best you there is. 

Now, if your boyfriend is calling, texting or e-mailing his ex-girlfriend, or you have some reason to suspect that he has feelings for her, then you need to talk with him.  But if he is just paying attention to you and no one else - concentrate on that! Don't even think about his past - YOU are his present, so live in this moment, and love and appreciate him here and now.

Love,

Lissa

great website!  can i link this to my website and my book, "Why Good People Make Bad Choices" at www.CharlesLawrenceAllen.com  ?

charles

Absolutely!

Thanks!

Love,

Lissa

Okay first I will start off by saying, My name is Daria I\'m 16 years old. And I desperately need advice on what to do with my friend Eric. I met him last year at school and we became great friends right away. And then everything changed when he told me he liked me. I was shocked. I never expected he would tell me that. And I never had any feelings for him. I only like him as a friend. he wanted to know how i felt about him. I was afraid to tell him at first because i know he\'s kind of sensitive. And i didn\'t want to break his heart. but i told him that as nicely as i could. And he was very sad and depressed for a while. Then he told me that I shouldn\'t brush him off so easy and that we should try dating. I didnt know how to respond to that. So I stupidly somehow agreed! my exact words were \" oh...ummm....well....uhhh\" and I guess he thought that ment \"yes\" ...he then moved to Idaho for college. and siad once he comes back next summer thats when we\'ll start dating. oh and did i mention that he siad I cant date ANYONE till then. so its sort of a \"pact\" no dating till we try things out next summer. so i have to wait a whole year!!! I was going crazy because everyday he would send me a million texts everyday saying \" oh your so beautiful\" or \" your such a babe\" and i would just text back saying \"thanks\" because i didnt know what to say back. I was stuck. It was like he locked me in some cage and wouldnt let me out till next summer! So here is where the big problem begins. One day Eric calls me just to say \"hey\" and we start talking about school and regular stuff. then out of no where he accidently calls me \" Lindsay\" instead of \" Daria\" so i say \" what did you call me?\" and hes like\" oh sorry i ment Daria\" So i start kind of kidding around and say \" who is lindsay!? are you cheating on me???\" i thought that would be funny. ..my mistake!. he says \" NO I\'m not I ment-\" and then i interupt him \" How dare you! OMG i bet shes some kind of slut!\" i was still going along with the joke. and he sort of freaks out \" NO Daria! thats not what i ment\" and i just keep dissing Lindsay, whoever she is \"Of all the poeple in the world you say her name! BITCH!\" Keep in mind I\'m still kidding around. But then it gets too out of control and Im screaming at him over the phone!! Finally i realize I\'ve gone too far. and I just hang up. about 10 minutes later Eric texts me and says\" wow..ok\" and i say \" you know i don\'t think the pact thing is going to work\" . and he doesnt text back. infact we havent talked in about a month. so i asked my best friend Jasmine to ask him how hes doing and possible mention my name. He told her that I\'m very immature and that hes not going to talk to me unless i want to talk to him, because he doesnt want to risk getting his heart broken. . ... so thats the story. I dont know what to do. and most of all i dont know why i did that stupid joke! i feel like an idiot! I guess i was just so mad at the whole pact thing and felt like yelling at him. Do you have any advice for me???. should i call him? and if i do what do i say?? and do you think that I\'m immature for playing a \"joke\" like that ????? PLEASE HELP sincerly, Daria

Dear Daria,

I think you need to write Eric a letter and fess up to everything.  Put it in writing so  he can read it and really understand.  And that gives you time to think about what you want to say and choose your words carefully, instead of being impulsive... which obviously doesn't work!  Explain that you really want to save your friendship, and that you should have been honest with him in the first place about not wanting to be his girlfriend but that you were afraid of hurting  his feelings.  Tell him that you let a little joke go too far and that you're really sorry.  And then tell him that you'll understand if he doesn't want to be friends anymore because you know you hurt him.  And then, let it go.  If he calls you, be super nice and apologize again and tell him what a great friend he has been to you, and that you're really glad he understands about not being a couple and that you want to continue the friendship.  Then listen, hear what he has to say.  Let him talk.  And accept whatever he wants to do from here on out.  If he doesn't want to talk to you anymore, or be friends, then just let him go.  If he still wants to be friends, be a good friend to him, which means always being honest with him about your feelings and everything else.

Love,

Lissa

hi-

I am in my first year of college right now.  Over the summer, I met a guy on facebook (I'll call him Peter) and talked to him over the site throughout the summer.  We now attend the same college, and are even in orchestra together (although he always has to leave early for choir, so we never have contact afterwards).  Our paths don't cross otherwise.  A couple days ago we met at the cafe and talked for an hour, and I thought it went well.  My problem is this: aside from that one instance, he has made no attempt since to see me or talk to me in person: he seems to be content to continue our online relationship of "wall-talking", though I have dropped many hints to suggest we meet in person again.  As I'm typing this, I know it must sound like he's not interested - and maybe he's not - but why else would he keep in contact online with me?  If he didn't like me, you'd think that he's sort of distance himself from me, but he enthusiastically leaves upwards of 10 comments on my wall a day (we post back and forth a lot of times when we're both online at the same time...a conversation that way).  What's his deal?  Is he just completely dense or is he not interested?  I'm relatively new to relationships with guys so I don't know how to read his behaviors.  I like him a lot, but don't know if this is worth the time and effort.  What do you think?

-Virtually frustrated 

I think a lot of people, both guys and girls, kind of find some sort of security in communicating via e-mail or text or in social networking pages.  You can take your time to respond, think about what you're going to say, and not have to feel nervous about being "on the spot."  So, I do think this guy likes you, but he's shy, or insecure, or something - and that's why he's not more forthcoming in person.

One thing you might try is to invite him to some group activity.  Then he won't feel like it's the pressure of a "date."  You could even tell him that it's a group and he is free to bring a friend if he would like.  If he really is shy, this will make him feel more comfortable - safety in numbers!

Otherwise, if you feel like you're not getting anywhere, you might try just being a friend, and look for a boyfriend who is more sociable so that you can have a more "normal" dating relationship.

Good luck!

Dear Lissa;

I have taken the Dosha Quiz, and every thing that was said about a Kapha is true,of me. Yes I am a Kapha. There is just one thing that is bothering me. Is there a set way that Kaphas look, like hair color, color of eyes, and skin tone? Thank you for any information you can give me on this subject, would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Christine

(aka Catlady)

Remember that we each have all three of the doshas in us, just in different proportions.  So you could totally be a Kapha, and still have blonde hair and blue eyes, which would be more of a Pitta trait.  Typically, Kapha hair is thick, dark and curly.  Kapha skin is soft, moist and smooth.  Kapha eyes are big and round, with thick lashes and eyebrows, and Kapha lips are big.  But you can have all of those traits and still be another dosha.  The dosha quiz I have on whatsyourdosha.com is a good guideline, and an introduction to Ayurveda.  To get a more specific diagnosis you would need to consult with an ayurvedic practitioner who will ask you a whole bunch more questions, take your pulse, and look at your tongue and eyes.  With this information, he or she will be able to tell you what your dosha is in terms of your prakruti (balanced constitution), and your vikruti (current state of unbalance).

Hope that helps!

Love,

Lissa

Hey,

I am currently in a long distance relationship with a girl i\'d do anything for i am only 17, i went to visit her and felt whole for once in my life the whole time i was there with her. I have been home for about a month and i feel so empty walking around even though i still talk to her everyday i cant hold her and i havent felt any better. i had a plan to go to college near her but the idea fell through and she cant go here for health reason\'s. she was abused when she was younger and i want to be around her every moment of every day to make sure nobody hurts her ever again i worry every moment, i just want to be with her i could care less about sex if i could just be near her i would be happy. i know people think i am too young and its just \"puppy love\" but to that i say people in the past fell in love at my age why can\'t i. do you have any advice that could help me be with her i am sad and lost.

It sounds like you love this girl, and that is wonderful.  Long distance relationships can be challenging, but they are do-able.  You need to do what you need to do to finish your education, that's the priority.  See her when you can.  Write her, text her, call her, stay in touch and let her know that you care.  Meanwhile, she has to do what she needs to do.  She has to learn how to take care of herself.  Your instinct is to want to take care of her, but that's not the best thing for her.  She has to be her own person, to be strong, and independent.  When you both are strong and independent then you will be so much better together.  Keep all of this in perspective, and know that you are learning and growing every day, and that if you are meant to be together, you will be.

Love,

Lissa

I just found out that my husband has accrued great debt on credit cards (many) and hid this from me and lied when I asked if there was something he was hiding. Because this is a community property state this debt is essentially my debt if he defaults. Its an overwhelming amount of money and will take years to pay off. What's even worse is how much he has hidden from me and the lack of trust.

I don't know how to get through this and its effecting my body (stomach hurts/gall bladder hurts/heart hurts), not sleeping and so angry with him.

I feel a little trapped. I have checked with a lawyer on protecting myself and home (its in my name) from this debt and have been told there's really nothing I can do.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated,

Bankrupt in Seattle

Of course you feel hurt, and angry, and you have every right to be.  Your husband lied to you.  He committed financial infidelity.  This is wrong.

First you need to decide if you can repair your marriage.  Do you want to stay married to this man?  If so, then these are the steps you need to take:

1) see a marriage counselor.

2) take away all your husband's credit cards and have all the checks written out to him go into a joint account that only you have control of.  Give him an allowance for his personal expenses.

 3) you pay all the bills, and keep all the books.

 4) get your husband into an AA program.  The 12 steps are the same for any addiction, and he has a spending addiction.  He has put his family at risk, and this can't happen again.

5) There has to be something you can do legally, so get another opinion.  Maybe see an estate attorney about putting the house in a trust or something so that it can be protected.  I'm not an expert, but an estate attorney will have some ideas about what you can do.

If you decide not to stay married - get a good divorce attorney, so that the debt goes with him - there's got to be a way to separate your assets and debts from his legally.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself.  Stress is terrible, so do all you can to stay relaxed and rational.  I know it's a lot to understand right now with all you're going through - but it's only money.  There is so much more important at stake.  Your health, your relationship, your peace of mind.  Somehow you have to trust that it will all work out.

Hugs,

Lissa

ive been talking to this girl for about 6 months and she wont get closer to me because she thinks that i am confused because she is my first girlfriend. i really like her but i just cant be in a relatioship where i know the girl likes me and is attracted to me but deosnt let me even kiss her. i am still a virgin so i really want to have sex her but she wont because she thinks that i am confused and thats all i want is sex. im getting really agravated with her and i dont know what to do to realize if i really am confused. i dont think that i am but im not sure. how do i know that i really like her?

You know you really like her when you just want to spend time with her, you don't care if she kisses you or anything more than that.  You are confused because all of these feeling are new for you.  It is smart to take your time, and really get to know each other, as friends, and as people.  There are lots of ways to show affection, it doesn't have to be physical.  You can go on walks together, and talk.  You can just hold hands.  This girl sounds like she is very practical, and is worth liking.  You need to respect her, and respect your relationship with her.  Get to know yourself, and who you are, and what you want out of life. All of this takes time.  Don't rush.

Love,

Lissa 

dear lissa,

i dunno where to start. i m shilpa.. i m a student. basically i m very friendly,emotional,fun to be with. i m attracted to my neighbor. i liked him de very first day i saw him. my dad spoke to him and he told me tat he s a good guy.i started lovin him so much.i thought he was a single as he was alone in his resident for about a week.i started lovin him so much. i planned to start up a conversation with him de next day. later, i was shocked .i found a girl livin with him. i then decided i should forget him,but i couldn\'t. i wanted him atleast as my friend. Before i could speak to him,dere was yet another shock for me. his girl friend is pregnant. i could do nothin xcept cryin all de time.. i couldnt open up to him. everytime i think of speakin to him,i m left with a shock. i dunno wat to do.i cant forget him.i m plannin to shift apartment. i would be happy if u help me...... thanks for tis website.

Dear Shilpa,

I know it feels like you're in love with your neighbor, but you're really not.  You don't even really know him.  It's just a crush.  These things happen.  You really want a boyfriend, and you projected all of that desire onto this man, who is attractive and nice.  But, he's not available, so now you have to get over it.  Rather than sit home and cry, go out with your friends.  Have fun!  Socialize, meet people.  The crush brings you to a fantasy world.  What you need to do is to bring yourself back to reality.  Focus on your school work, and your friends, and live your life.  You haven't lost anything at all.  Look at all that you have, not what you don't have.

Hugs,

Lissa
 

Dear Lissa,

Thank you for establishing a wonderful website. I foundit a few months back, and have always enjoyed visiting it.

My question is in regards to my 16 year-old daughter. She is, and has always been a fabulous student; she plans on graduating high school a year early (next May), as a 16 year old, and she has pretty much decided that she is leaving to a university that is about a 7-hour drive away, and at least 4 times as expensive as the local university. The local university is in the same system as the one she plans to leave to, and is only about a 15 minute drive away. My husband and I are both public school educators, do have some college funds set aside for her, but we both feel, and believe that the most logical choice, is, for her to begin here (at a savings of about $20,000 for that first year alone). We have tried reasoning with her, that we can pay for her tuition here without touching her savings until she heads out her sophomore year, but she has told us that she has made up her mind, that she is leaving, and she is not even going to submit an application to the local university. My husband and I are caught between keeping a diplomatic approach with her and just enforcing our decision as parents. Any advice? Our other concern is that her boyfriend graduated from high school this year, and he has already headed to that city to attend a university there.

Thanks a million!

Grateful1

 Since your daughter is not yet 18, you have a lot of say in this matter even without considering the finances.  Is she mature enough to enter this world of college life and all that entails?  Do you trust her to live on her own and make good decisions?  If the answer is no, then you need to use your trump card and make her stay home for a year, even if she is not going to school.  She could take that year off and work, save up money to pay for some of her expenses on her own.

Your daughter needs to understand the economics involved, and take some responsibility.  This generation tends to feel "entitled" and they don't think about the consequences of their actions and what they cost.  Lay it out to her in black and white, dollars and "sense!"  You have a budget.  This is how much you can afford.  Anything over and above those expenses SHE is responsible for.  If that means she has to get a scholarship, or a student loan, or financial aid, or a job, that is HER choice.  But YOU can't be forced to pay for a school you can't afford.

 Outline her options - so that she can see what it costs, for books, housing, tuition, car expenses, food, everything.  Write down a few different scenarios, including ALL of the costs:

1. Four years at the local public university

2. One year at the local university and three years at the private university 

3. Two years at the public university and two years at the private university

4. Four years at the private university

Include in the scenarios if she were to live at home, or live on campus.  If there is a difference of $20,000, or whatever it is per year, and your budget, ask her to come up with a plan for how she is going to get that money. Maybe she has some ideas that would work out so that you're happy for her to go.

I wouldn't even bring up the boyfriend issue, keep this about logic and stay rational.  Don't let emotions get involved.  Although this is about where she wants to go to school, you have some say because you ultimately sign the papers!  Let her sit with these scenarios and work out a plan.  You are being very generous, and she needs to see that, and appreciate that. You promised her a good education, and you are delivering on that promise.  You didn't promise her a stay at the country club of her choice!

Understanding the financial situation is a part of growing up.  If your daughter was paying for this all on her own, and knew it from the beginning, would she even be considering the other school?  Don't let this girl railroad you into making a decision that you feel is not the best for your daughter.  You are the parent, and she has to abide by what you say.
 

Dearest Lissa,

I dunno from where to start. What im gonna say is probably gonna shock you. My mom HATES me, and it's obvious. Let me tell you everything that i can.

She differentiates between me and my sister. She took my sister and went to Turkey for shopping. She treats her with real care , as tho she's fragile or something. She pampers her and totally approves of her stupid moron boyfriend, just only because he gets her gold and stuff like that. She gave her a landline to her, and only to her to call him. She gives her extra money to go out with him. She does her best to make my sister look nice and adorable... and when we're out on family gatherings, she's all "oh look at (my other daughter) she's gorgeous, but she (me) is not as beautiful"

She calls me names, she hits and beats me all the time. She investigates upon all my moves, she even calls the phone companies to know all the outgoing and incoming calls...even the text messages (in and out). She doesnt like my friends, she doesnt like my interests... she even told me yesterday "why dont you stay longer at work, at least it'll give me more time without seeing your gloomy ugly face"

Seriously, i dont want to ammend anything in my relationship with her. I just want to withdraw myself from this hazard.. What would you advise me to do??

Thanks

Lisa,

I jsut wanted to ask about Dosha's.

I was diagnosed, by a practitioner, that I was PITTA in nature, about a year and a half ago.
At that stage, my body heat was so terrible that even in winter, I had to sleep with my feet
out in the open air. Now, it seems, that I am the exact opposite. I no longer have hot hands and feet,
they are constantly cold, almost freezing, the circulation quite bad... something I have never dealt with
before. I have alos just completed your Dosha quiz online and it says I am essentially both Vatta and Pitta,
With Vata being a little in both cases, the number for Vata was 6 and Pitta 5.

Therefore, my question is, can a persons dosha change? and how would you explain the huge
difference in my body temperature.

regards,

Peter - Sydney, Australia

Hello

I am writing to you for relationship advice.I have been living with my boyfriend for 7yrs now.We have had sun rough times thru the relationship.But we have always enjoyed being together and making each other laugh.He is 18yrs older then me.I am 31.He was married before for about 12yrs and has kids with her.For me I have never date anyone before I met him.So he was my first true love.I have always thought about marriage.But for the last few months it seems as if we are growing apart.What advice might you have for me

Dear Lissa,

Hi Lissa

Well I have to confess i was enjoying some idle time at work and, as you do, I "googled" my name and ended up at your website.

I read that you married a a man from Sydney - Greg Coffey - well it wasnt me :) however I am Greg Coffey from Sydney also - who knew!!!

I also noticed someone asked the origins of the name and yes you are right the background is Irish/Scottish.  My family has its origins in Scotland but the family did also spill over into Ireland.

Just wanted to say hi and agree that it does make you think we are all connected some how - regards to Greg

Cheers

Greg Coffey (also)

lissa my professor of yoga says to me that to teach to us to meditate we must primro fortify the body is certain?  Firstly it said to enseñaria q us to the sixth month already I am in septimo and nothing is asi?Lissa

Good morning and Happy Hoildays Lissa! Just a email to thatnk you for you for all your encouraging words. Bless to have a great family and friends. I pass your OM newsletter and anything else I may recieve from you to all my family and friends on line. I'm in the proccess of becoming a life coach. I feel deeply grateful and bless to have your spirit come across my path douring this exciting time in my life. When I find myself not being focus, here comes a word of wisdom from lissa or some other source. Just a reminder that you are dong a great job and keep it up!! I was bless to visit the Chopra Center in San Deigo, CA several years ago and spend sometime with Deepka Chopra. What a great spiritual being with a warm presant. You couldn' be working with a greater person. Once again Lissa thank you very much for just being and wish great success in 2006!!!

Thank You,

Ms. Allen and Family

Lisa ,thank for all ,i wish knew how meditation.

But idont have money for buy the books or dvd.

if not outside annoyance to send algun to me explanatory text of like beginning.  it excuses by my order,no you worry if you cannot.

thanks

namaste

Lissa ,thank you very much by your guessed right advice,the present is for wish Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Carlos

Namaste

                                          We  Enjoy your words of wisdom!!

                                        I have been reciving your email for about a month now,

                    and my mornig starts with " letsa have a coffee with Lissa".

                       Keeps us humbel and helps our spirits soar!

                      Thankyou for your gifts

                         Love in Life

                              Amy Jean

Lissa -

I'm in my second marriage, have two kids (one from previous marriage) and my current relationship hasn't always been good.   We have had several arguments during our 10 year marriage in which we have come close to divorce several times.   I still love my husband, but as a friend at this point.   The problem is, I have fallen for another man and am considering leaving my husband to persue this other relationship.   I am head over heels in love with this other man who is in the process of a divorce.   He has asked me to move in with him in another state with my kids.  I am torn and unsure what to do because of the kids.   I know I could stick it out with my husband until the youngest is thru high school before making the choice to divorce my husband, but this is 8 years away.   My husband and I usually have arguments approx. every 6-8 months and they are loud and can be scary.   He has punched several walls during these arguments.  I Have tried to hide this from my children, but they have been aware we are having problems.   If I leave my husband to presue this other relationship am I jumping from the frying pan into the fire?   My current husband and I have gone to  counseling several times and it doesn't seem to help.   Do I try to find true love with this other man?

I am unable to discuss this problem with anyone - any advise you can provide would be very appreciated.

Hello Lissa,

Thank you for your interest in the Lotus Leaves !

I am setting up an ORDERING INFO on my website, but for now-- just choosing from  the  Sample Leaves designs,  or creating one of your own ( photos, quotes, etc.) --- and writing me directly -- is how to do it!  I can either make one, or send one from my COLLECTION.

IQUESTION:  I  am having a problem REGISTERING on your DISCUSSION BOARD:

Apparently, the fault is AOL... If I use an AOL address it just won't work.

CAN YOU ADVISE  ME how to overcome this problem?  I really want to join your site !

                                                     Thanks,      ~ Karin Spritzler      www.KarinLotusLeaves.com

Hello:   I get your emails daily and wanted to know if you have a data base of the subject titles.   I am particularly interested in sections on   'beliefs.'    Thank you very much for being.

Calli Callul

Lisa,

Can you explain me the menaing of 'Dosha'?

Thanks,

Usha.

 Hello Lissa,

I love  your website and have been a subscriber for a while now...

I am wondering if what I make might be something  very lovely to sell on your site?

I create spiritual art on dried LOTUS LEAVES ( they  look like beautiful fans)..it is on the organic leaf.

Here is a viewing:  www.KarinLotusLeaves.com.

They make very special gifts and people love them; all one-of-a kind- and can be custom-made.

                                                    I would love to hear back from you, and/or get ideas..

                                                                                      Best wishes!    

                                                                                                     ~ Karin Spritzler

I am located in Santa Monica, California

Dear Lissa,

     I was wondering aimlessly with a sense of desperation  just now when I opened www.empoweringmessages.com and saw your website. I looked at your website carefully, including www.coffeytalk.com and subscribed to your e newsletter and your free dosha course. I guess I am extremely attracted to your happy, gorgeous persona.

     It is too early now to decide whether I would like to undertake a paid consultation with you. It will depend on what  I see in your newsletters and lessons. But everything seems to click so far and I would be very grateful if you could tell me how much an email consultation with you will cost. I cannot see you personally even though I can afford it because I suffer from a very severe motion sickness very quickly, and bonine, stemetil and motilium do not work.

     Meantime perhaps I can summarise my situation and my background. In the past 10 months I almost died twice due to acute renal failure and digestive system poisoning. I was hospitalised five times and suffer from 20 documented medical disorders, some of which are "permanent" in the sense that they will not get better no matter what you do (eg diabetes mellitus and brain damage), and the rest are "degenerative" in the sense that whatever you do, it will get worse and worse (eg cervical spondylosis, inflammatory spondyloarthropathy). I have seen 21 eminent specialists and they confirm that I am supposed to get weaker, weaker and then die.

     I guess I feel desperate because I feel sick and in pain 24 hours per day. I cannot find any pleasure whatsoever. I cannot enjoy sex because I am impotent. I cannot enjoy travel because I suffer from motion sickness very quickly and also because I suffer from transcient amnesia from time to time (I am advised not to be alone when I am tired, which is very difficult to follow). I cannot enjoy foods because I have developed a strong intolerance to fats and oils, I have a tender gum,etc.  I cannot read difficult materials because as soon as I do so, my very severe pains, especially in my neck and head intrude.

     My background is that I am a qualified psychologist, philosopher, lawyer and accountant and have  had professional, experiences in these fields (I am 51 years old). I also have 7 accredited university degrees in these fields, including 2 doctorates (one of them is honorary). I am listed in Who is Who in Australia, Who is who in the World and in page 51 of Margaret Herd's "The Vision of Who's Who: Life and Business Quotations from Notable Australians" (Melbourne:Crown Content Pty Limited, 2005). Only around 2000 of the most eminent Australians are listed in this last publication.

     Since I am very deperate and the diagnosis is a slow death, I will be reading the publications you will send me very very carefully. In the meantime I will appreciate any comments you may have.

Jusuf.

Dr Jusuf Hariman

BA, BEc, LLB, BA(Hons),

MA, PHD, Hon Psy D

DEAR LISSA:

HELP PLEASE!!!

     I AM A DIVORCED WOMAN OF 48 WITH (3) CHILDREN.  I MARRIED MY FIRST BOYFRIEND @ AGE 18 AND DIVORCED HIM 5  YEARS AGO ( STAYED 26 YEARS) MY DATING EXPERIENCE IS NIL, AND I FEEL LIKE I AM IN OVER MY HEAD.  PRIOR TO MY DIVORCE I MET MY "DREAM" MAN AND MOVED IN WITH HIM BEFORE MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL ( MY HUSBAND WAS HANDLING IT). I THOUGHT HE WAS EVERYTHING MY HUSBAND WAS NOT, GOOD FATHER, LOVING HUSBAND TO BE.  HE URGED ME TO HURRY THE DIVORCE THRU SO HE COULD MARRY ME.  MY HUSBAND & I'S HOUSE WAS AWARDED TO ME AND WE ALL MOVED INTO IT AND OUT OF HIS RENTAL HOME AFTER A YEAR THERE.  THE PROBLEM IS HE IS STILL MARRIED TO HIS LAST WIFE/NEVER STARTED HIS DIVORCE.  HE CALLS ME HIS "OLD LADY" - EX-BIKER TERM.  HE QUESTIONS MY NEED TO HAVE HIM COMMIT TO ME - IE, START HIS DIVORCE, THEN MAYBE WE BECOME ENGAGED, THEN MARRIED LATER.  I FEEL THAT HE IS DISRESPECTING ME BY LIVING WITH ME ALL THIS TIME ( (5) YEARS NOW) AND NOT DONE SO.  HE ACKNOWLEDGES TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT WE ARE NOT MARRIED, I AM JUST HIS GIRL FRIEND.  AM I SO DENSE, THAT I FEEL HURT BY THAT?  IS THAT HOW "BOYFRIENDS" BEHAVE NOWDAYS?  HE SWEARS HE LOVES ME TO THE DEPTHS OF HIS SOUL, ETC.  THAT IS MY FIRST QUESTION:  IS HIS BEHAVIOR CORRECT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?  IS HE JUST LEADING ME AND MY KIDS ON?  HE FIXES UP OUR HOUSE, HELPS WITH BILLS, BUYS THE KIDS' BIRTHDAY AND CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.  AM I ASKING TOO MUCH?

MY OTHER QUESTION IS THIS:  DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO QUESTION THE FOLLOWING RECENT INCIDENTS?

WE STARTED GOING TO A LOCAL BAR AND SHOOTING POOL/DRINKINGONCE A WEEK.  THEN HE STARTS GOING THERE ALMOST EVERY DAY AFTER HE GETS OFF WORK.  HE BEFRIENDS THE PRETTY BAR MAID AND FEELS SORRY FOR HER BECAUSE HER SOON TO BE EX-HUSBAND TOOK BACK THE TRUCK HE WAS LETTING HER DRIVE AND LEFT HER CARLESS.  THREE WEEKS AFTER WE STARTED GOING TO THIS BAR, HE LOANS HER $750 FOR A DOWN PAYMENT ON A CAR.  HE CALLS HER HIS BEST FRIEND, AND HAS HAD OTHER WOMEN BEST FRIENDS.  AM I BEING "TAKEN FOR A RIDE"  PLEASE E-MAIL ME BACK.

STUCK IN LIMBO